Softzilla: You play; you pay!

[Unreasonableunreasonableness]

Before you all get excited: no party yet (I was trying to keep when it was vague so more anonymous but i give up) . I have had a message from softzilla.
'So are we calm enough to sort this oot for tomorrow? '

Hope you've managed to relax and forget it all this evening OP, you've handled it all with grace and I hope she just gets bored and gives up.

So she has made you cry. And now she has made a friend of yours cry...under the guise of it being on your behalf. Hopefully tactless preg friend actually believed you when you told her you didn't cry at the party, and didn't just think you were denying it to stop her from feeling so bad crying.

SZ is a total shit stirrer. And all that stuff about asking you to step outside of the party so she could bully and gaslight you, it's deranged! Even at the actual party asking to talk. It was a child's party ffs!

I predict that the rest of the group will gradually move away from her, having seen her true colours, which will subsequently be explained to all and sundry as your fault.

I bet she's done at least lower-level versions of this to other people within the group. You might get, over the next few weeks, one or two interesting stories from slightly shame-faced friends about these 'odd' things that happened in the past, which always seemed to involve her.

And she will be eased out of the group after this, because now you are all putting the bits and pieces together and realising that the root of all the trouble is always this mad cunt. This is how bullies and manipulators come unstuck - when their victims refuse to play along and start talking to each other instead of her.

My boyfriend’s ex is a lot like SZ. He always says trying to reason with her is like playing chess with a pigeon; she’ll shit on the chessboard then strut around like she’s won anyway.

Sorry you’re having to deal with this OP. Sounds like SZ is trying to do damage limitation among the group rather than just admit she’s been a silly twat.

One of my fave memes Duch

Love that Mad Hugger!

Wow. “I don’t know, are you?” sounds like a good response

Whoops, should have refreshed

Sounds like SZ is still convinced in her tiny brain that she is right - you should pay for every appearance at soft play - and that you owe her an apology. Which is why your repeated "let's put all this behind us" is not enough.
I would just carry on as you are doing, just ensure that you are never alone with her (as then she can invent horrible things you "said"). Be polite and be the bigger person

Honestly, I want to react now. Yes tactless pregnant friend came to me and was able to be reassured but i can see how that could have gone another way for me.
The trouble is is that she didn't directly confirm it was softzilla which shows that she doesn't want me to confront her and also puts me in a week position if I do and softzilla denies it. And I will not risk TPF being upset more. She should be enjoying this time.
I appreciate this makes me look weak and a pushover but I refuse to stoop to her level and hurt others in the cross fire.

You need to block her from your phone & any social media you have her on, when your paths cross, just ignore her, she is horrid & life is too short to waste any time on her

I think that you need to be honest with TPF.
Tell her that SZ seems to be focussed on making things difficult for you at present and so that you’re assuming it’s she who has phoned TPF. But you’re aware that you might be biased and want to be fair. To help you move forward and for your own self-protection you need to know if it’s SZ or not because if it is, this confirms that she really is trying to interfere in your friendships. If it’s not, then no bother. Tell TPF that you’d be very grateful if she could tell you as it’s really preying on your mind and you want to be fair to SZ, or worst case scenario if it is her again, be prepared for any future lies/gossip against you.

If it is her then I think you need to confront her calmly (take F1 with you) meet somewhere publicly and simply say that you’ve tried to put everything behind you but that she’s clearly upset that you refused to pay for her child’s soft play visits and yet you’ve no idea why she thinks that is your responsibility, that she was aggressive in soft play the other day, and that you know that she’s lied to TPF and upset her. You’ve said several times to draw a line under it and move on, but she clearly doesn't Want to. That she needs to leave you alone and stop lying to people about you or you’ll report her for harassment, and that you have the call logs and witnesses to her behaviour.

Does pregnant friend know all of the other shenanigans? Maybe if she knew the full picture she wouldn't feel the need to protect sz

I've been thinking about it this morning and am wondering if this is about more than causing trouble for you. I have a suspicion this is mother control game. You've agreed to move on but if you don't move on how she wants then she is going to wail about how unfair it is that TPF has been forgiven for her terrible actions but you can't do the same for SZ. The answer of course is intent. TPF didn't intend to upset you, SZ did.

Another. Not mother. Thanks autocorrect

didn't directly confirm it was softzilla

It either was or it wasn’t. This woman is causing trouble left , right and centre and is getting away with it because no one wants a scene.

If you and your friends all know the lies and gossip that she has said to you all personally then what’s stopping you all cutting her off.

She’s laughing at you all.

No, it doesn't make you weak or a pushover to refuse to react - it makes you a kind, considerate person who doesn't play puerile games with other adults!

TPF doesn't want to tell you who it was who phoned her, so don't push it. No need to confront SZ either - but maybe it is time to do a group reassurance in the Whatsapp group to say that you were grateful for any kind messages re. your current situation but you'd be even more grateful now if people would move on from it and focus on TPF's happy news, since you are happy for her and want everyone else to be too. Also use the message to say what fun the party was and how much you enjoyed it (thus showing that you weren't sobbing in a corner at any point). No finger pointing, nothing about anyone else at all - just your own response to the situation in the group.
Then if the bitch tries to make out that you're making it "all about you", the message will stand to show that that is the last thing you're trying to do.

And I think I would possibly give the party friend the heads up that this has happened too, so that if anyone asks her (which they might) she can say what a load of rubbish it was, and you were fine!

But ideally you need to put a lid on the whole thing now. I wouldn't block her yet because that will just add fuel to her fire and more shit will start up - but I'd certainly avoid talking to her.

TPF now knows everything. I explained everything to her during our conversation last night. So she can keep herself protected if necessary. And I think pretty much everyone else knows too now as all of us who know are gradually passing on the real story when we get asked.

You all now know she’s manipulative, a terrible gossip and a liar.

You're handling this really well Unreasonable. Mature, calm and graceful. :)

I agree with Thumb above.

Unreasonable, you've acted with dignity so far, and - I think - kept the moral high ground. Your friends are all supporting you and are on your side. Personally, I think you should keep going as you are. We're all here if you need a rant. Hopefully Softzilla will move on to someone else soon and leave you alone.

It may not feel like it to you, but I think you've handled it really, really well in the face of absolutely crazy behaviour from Soft

did TPF confirm it was SZ?

I don't think TPF needs to confirm it, as either way the only person who seems to have a vendetta against OP is Softzilla.

I'm wondering if the reason why Softzilla is escalating is because OP is not reacting to her behaviour in a way that other people have in the past. So she is adding, and adding to the lies to get reaction if that makes sense.

Softzilla needs OP to react and probably and extreme reaction so she can be vindicated about all the things she has lied about.