Softzilla: You play; you pay!

[Unreasonableunreasonableness]

Before you all get excited: no party yet (I was trying to keep when it was vague so more anonymous but i give up) . I have had a message from softzilla.
'So are we calm enough to sort this oot for tomorrow? '

I tink people are missing the point that the OP is going to the party with two friends because she needs the support to face softzilla...and not in fact to intimidate or anything of the sort.

Why is it going to look like 'turning up mob handed' when the OP is bring the cake and turning up with the birthday mum? I think it will look natural and not at all intimidating.

Most importantly its not being done for effect its being done to get the OP through a difficult experience.

It is also childish to not answering the phone to at least hear if she is calling to apologise before the party

The evidence so far would suggest that would be overwhelmingly unlikely.

The "evidence" is all hearsay and chinese whispers, if OP would just answer the bloody phone they could put it to bed one way or another like adults before the child's party. The woman has said she want to sort it out, its OP and her friends that's enjoying keeping the drama going (egged on by MN). Seriously it sounds like the kind of crap my 14 year old son complains about the girls at his school doing.

Wings I don't think it's the OP that has been immature in this situation. She didn't cause or feed the problem at all. What she has done is ignore calls from someone who is clearly trying to twist things and cause trouble. There is no reason whatsoever that the OP should now start playing softzillas games.

Why do you need to strut in with a posse? To intimidate or humiliate her?

This is a bit like being back at school

She isn't strutting in with a posse, she's walking in carrying a cake next to the birthday mum.

If some crazy person was trying to corner me into a phone conversation I'd surely avoid it too. Crazy people like the phone because a) they have you on the spot and b) there's no record of the crazy shit they've said. If the thing they have to say is genuinely urgent, then they will text. The fact that Softzilla hasn't is very telling....

wings I'm pretty sure in the previous thread that OP texted several times to say she would put it behind her and move on, and SZ was the one to stir it all up? (again)

I tink people are missing the point that the OP is going to the party with two friends because she needs the support to face softzilla

Sorry, but all I am seeing is OP and her friends taking sides in the playground, showing up as an obvious group, causing awkwardness and potentially a scene at a child's birthday party when it could very easily have been prevented if dealt with maturely before.

"When she eventually came in she then sat at a table away from us. I went over and suggested we put this behind us, said i was sorry if I had offended her and asked if she would come sit with us. She said nothing and just stared me down till I left. However when I went to order a drink shortly after she did go to the other friend and asked her to come join her. My friend said she'd move if I was welcome and happy to move too or that she could come join us but that she wasn't going to leave me on my own. When I came back she made almost a growling noise and then went back to her own table.
After this she pretty much ignored us. Except that every time she went to buy something she came over and announced it to us with a pointed look at me. "

From Ops other thread.

So she has already seen SZ & suggested they forget it & move on.

What more is there to say?

I'm fairly sure they aren't going to link arms, slo-mo walking in to the Rocky sound track. They're just arriving together, everyone will no doubt go aobut their business chasing their kids or getting a drink/setting up etc once they get there. If softzilla wants to speak to OP I imagine she could easily walk over and ask for a quick word.

This is getting a bit silly now.

There's no way the person this thread is about won't have seen it given other friends in the group are aware of it.

Wings your definition of dealing with something maturely seems to be akin to "the person who has done nothing wrong has to accept unwanted contact from the person who's being shit". That's how most people would define "maturely".

I don't know if I was OP and I'd experienced the level of hostility this woman has shown I would want some friends to support me. Especially if in last interaction I'd been growled at?
The volume of calls kind of speaks for itself. But in the last thread she called a lot to be hostile so there is no differentiating with this apparent reconciliation.
I think OP and softzilla need to have a break from each other and then a clean slate

That's NOT how people would define it, that should say!!

To be fair the Op has texted Softzilla more than once the say everything is fine and nothing to discuss.

And if Softzilla really wanted to apologise she could easy do it by text or by one of the many messages she has left. Instead she seems determined to drag the Op into “discussing this” which seems very OTT when the Op says everything is fine.

If I was Softzilla (and generally I think I’m a fairly sensible person who can’t be arsed with drama) I would:-

1. Apologise to Op and agree gratefully when she says it is fine.
2. Tell all the friends that it is sorted, that I got the wrong end of the stick and acted like a twit but all sorted
3. Get on with my life.

The fact that she is doing none of these makes me think she wants to make a 5 act drama out of it all.

I don't take calls from people who spread lies about me. If you can't show common decency you have no right to demand it

This

I don't think I've commented before, but I'm a bit shocked at the people now blaming the OP for this situation.

@Weallhavewings ate you softzila?!

But on a serious note do would derelict whether softzila has been reading this thread.

I hope the NUTTER does not use your 'private fertility now public' to her own ends.. I have a horrid feeling this will occur... she's Poison.. do not engage with her on any level OP

Ive been looking for the 2nd thread glad i found it hope your doing okay op

Diddl the mumsnet advice so often given re: boundaries and unreasonable people is to simply repeat your reasonable position as needed. Softzilla wants drama, OP should refuse to give it by simply being polite and restating that it is all water under the bridge.

I forgot that OP was bringing cake and arriving at the party early, that changes my position as it is less hostile than walking in with a group.

Enjoy the party OP

BTW - The real unsung idiot in this thread is the ‘friend’ who mentioned OP’s fertility problems to a group chat (!!?! Why?!?) while posting a sonogram photo. Awful, I’m so sorry OP. Softzilla’s faux pas seem toothless compared to that.

Nothing unusual about having lunch with friends before a party. We did it regularly when we were SAHMs.

Weallhavewings can I just check have you read the whole 2 threads? Have you read just how manipulative softzilla has been with all her lies, the "on your head" comment, and the patronising "are we calm" message, etc? This is a woman who is completely unreasonable and despite having plenty of opportunities to apologise by text (even alleging she has when she definitely has NOT), she has chosen NOT to. It's really simple - if she was going to apologise she would've done so by text by now. But she doesn't want the evidence in black and white that it's HER apology to make because no doubt she's still trying to make out OP is in the wrong when she clearly isn't. But now she's backtracking to try and hide the crazy and failing miserably. OP simply isn't giving her the drama she craves and OP has clearly told her she just wants to put it behind them and move on - but this obviously isn't enough to feed Softzilla's need for drama and control. Besides, OP has enough shit to deal with without a batshit stirer blatantly lying to anyone that will listen. Softzilla is not what anyone I know would call a friend. Softzilla needs to learn to grow up and just let it go. But she can't because she thrives on drama. And given OP's problems at the moment which softzilla is aware of, this makes Softzilla's actions all the more vindictive. OP just shouldn't have to put up with it.

What is going on in Softzilla's head to make her think her behaviour is in any way acceptable?

I think OP has tried to avoid drama and hasn’t dragged anything out or been egged on by mnetters.

She has been advised by many to ignore this woman in order to prevent any further manipulation of the situation this other woman created herself.