Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Softzilla: You play; you pay!

951 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 11/04/2018 19:07

Before you all get excited: no party yet (I was trying to keep when it was vague so more anonymous but i give up) . I have had a message from softzilla.
'So are we calm enough to sort this oot for tomorrow? 'Hmm

OP posts:
paranoidpammywhammy2 · 12/04/2018 12:52

Do you really think the phone call is going to be an apology?

Softzilla could easily text an apology if she wanted to. She hasn't.

winterisstillcoming · 12/04/2018 12:53

Hang in there. Give it a few years and you no longer will have time or reason to have to be around these people.

Parties will get smaller etc.

Morphene · 12/04/2018 12:53

yup she could have texted the apology she has already in fact claimed to have texted...

SoftzillaPissedHerPants · 12/04/2018 12:54

Blimey

Getting your troops together before the party to talk about softzilla and show a united front walking in together is undignified and really unnecessary, there is no need for grown woman to gang up like that.

Or some friends meeting up and just going to the party together.

It is also childish to not answering the phone to at least hear if she is calling to apologise before the party, this would be the mature thing to do to try to ensure there isn't a scene at the child's party.

Why should she answer her phone, and why would there be a scene at the party.
OP doesn't seem like she's interested in drama, quite the opposite. Which is why she's not answering the phone to a drama queen.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/04/2018 12:55

It is also childish to not answering the phone to at least hear if she is calling to apologise before the party

Disagree Wings

The woman is a gaslighter, and will manipulate and goad so that Unreasonable gets stressed - which may make her lose her cool.

IF CF wanted to apologise, she could leave a message (she has left plenty of others) just saying "Sorry - I was totally unreasonable. Thank you for being prepared to put this behind us." (Unreasonable has already told her that as far as she's concerned, there is no problem.)

She could even popacakrd through Unreasonable's door with a bit of grovelling in it. But she doesn't. She is trying to maintain/regain the upper hand.

Unreasonable is wise not to give her the opportunity.

FairiesVsPixies · 12/04/2018 12:55

I tend to agree wings Confused

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/04/2018 12:56

*pop a card, not popacakrd, (whatever the hell that might be)

WeAllHaveWings · 12/04/2018 12:57

Man this woman calls you A LOT! Good luck OP.

She wouldn't be calling A LOT if OP just dealt with it instead of playing games.

Do you really think the phone call is going to be an apology?

None of us know the answer to this as OP chooses to have the first contact with this woman at a child's birthday party with a posse on hand for effect instead of just answering the phone and hearing what the woman has to say.

Hope the OP takes responsibility for her part in any awkwardness or scene caused at that child's party.

forgettingnames · 12/04/2018 12:58

pop a card, not popacakrd, (whatever the hell that might be)

schaden, I thought you meant pop a cake through the door. I thought, how nice! Do people do that? I would love someone to pop a cake through my door!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/04/2018 13:00

forgetting

Grin

When I was correcting the typo, I thought "I wonder if I was thinking of cake and it subliminally crept through?"

I would love a cake through the door as well. Cake solves all ills. (except possibly diabetes)

WeAllHaveWings · 12/04/2018 13:01

Or some friends meeting up and just going to the party together.

They are meeting at the OP's so they can "all turn up together".

They are ganging up on the woman at a child's party all because OP has dealt with the situation really immaturely by not answering the phone and dealing with it beforehand.

rainbowduck · 12/04/2018 13:05

I would (And have) done the same thing in OP's shoes. Just completely disengage. Interaction would just offer more fuel which softzilla will use to gossip and maliciously talk.

Sometimes, the adult and grown up thing to do is to cut off the nasty persons lifeline. Obviously this requires a hard stance and a few friends are offering hand holding. They aren't all going to blank CF and throw her hacky looks. They are just going into the room together so OP isn't stood alone and feeling unsupported, giving everything that she is dealing with at the moment.

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 12/04/2018 13:06

I don't take calls from people who spread lies about me. If you can't show common decency you have no right to demand it.

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 12/04/2018 13:06

Hi Softzilla! Great you've joined the thread!

AsAProfessionalPenis · 12/04/2018 13:07

That's your opinion wings
Lots of people on here don't agree
I think the OP has been right to ignore. The other person seemed to want to ramp up the drama. OP owes nobody an explanation

PosyFossilsShoes · 12/04/2018 13:07

It is also childish to not answering the phone to at least hear if she is calling to apologise before the party

The evidence so far would suggest that would be overwhelmingly unlikely.

cooldarkroom · 12/04/2018 13:07

I do think I would speak to her openly.
I would say, ^I am not & have never free loaded,
Who I pay for, & who pay for me are none of your business.
You do not know if I am being repaid for a former situationYou do not know that I lost my card & reimbursed more than I was ever advanced.
I paid for you to come to DC's birthday & meal following.
You pressed for a meet up, & came along to a soft event & got the hump because I didn't pay. I owe you nothing.
Your accusations & manipulations are becoming a bad joke^

MadMags · 12/04/2018 13:07

Honestly, OP, listen to Wings.

It's very easy for people on here to encourage you to feed the drama. They enjoy the spectacle and don't have to live your life.

Look, you don't have to answer her calls, or have lunch with her, or anything but your whole friendship group sounds ridiculously dramatic and it's 99% unnecessary.

When you're returning her texts, you could easily say "Honestly, it's sorted. We don't need to discuss it. I have no problem with you so let's draw a line." or whatever.

The abrupt answers and continuing to discuss it with everyone else is just prolonging it and making it a mountain.

And don't forget, these friends with whom you've been discussing it have been talking to her about it, too. If they talk to you, they'll talk about you. So be careful.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 12/04/2018 13:13

Given her recent behaviour I think the two most likely reasons that Softzilla is so desperate to speak to just the OP, either in person or on the phone, are firstly so that she can try to bully the OP into seeing herself as the bad guy or, secondly, to claim that the OP has done or said things that were not witnessed by anyone else but that would make the OP seem to be the unreasonable one.

I think you're doing the right thing OP by keeping it all calm and not allowing yourself to be drawn into confrontation. She will eventually either get bored and conform to normal social behaviour to keep in with the current group, or she will go and find new friends to be weird with.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 12/04/2018 13:13

It is .. childish to not answering the phone to at least hear if she is calling to apologise before the party, this would be the mature thing to do to try to ensure there isn't a scene at the child's party.

I cannot agree Wings. Not taking Softzilla’s call is a perfectly adult response from the OP when she has already received a pa text. Soft is the one creating the drama, not engaging is the only way to shut it down. I’d don’t think the OP is likely to cause a scene at the party, her response has been mature and measured so far.

YellowFlower201 · 12/04/2018 13:14

I kind of agree with WeAllHaveWings about the showing up all together.

I don't think you necessarily need to met up with her or speak to her before, but showing up with your gang may appear to be a dig.

She's a complete and utter idiot but don't forget she'll be there with her child and there will be other children there.

SilverBirchTree · 12/04/2018 13:15

Oh OP, I was with you for ages but now I think you’re making it more dramatic than it has to be. If you really just want this to end then you would text her back to say all is mended and you look forward to seeing her at the party.

Why do you need to strut in with a posse? To intimidate or humiliate her?

It’s a child’s party, please be the bigger person.

gingergenius · 12/04/2018 13:19

Bollocks to answering my phone after that shitshow!!!

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 12/04/2018 13:19

Let’s calm down everybody, the party friend is the host so she’ll need to get there first, Softzilla won’t even see them arrive together.

elisenbrunnen · 12/04/2018 13:19

No-one needs to answer any calls - I don't answer my phone unless I a) know who it is and b) want to talk to them.

This is not immature. It is getting on with my own life!

Swipe left for the next trending thread