Benefit cap/2 child rule

[exemption]

I know benefits it's a heavily debatable subject and I would like some honest opinions on my situation as I'm pretty sure it will be made public soon.

Background -
Was in a 6 year abusive relationship, sexual, physical, emotional, financial, you name it, he did it. I wasn't allowed contraception as he believed I may cheat - 3 pregnancies as a result (that was with sneaking a pill, obviously wasn't routined hence the babies)

Left when I was badly beaten at 7 months pregnant. Children and I stayed in a refuge and eventually was housed somewhere else.

Now I'm fully reliant on benefits for the first time in my life. I've had a letter through stating that I'm £53 over the benefit cap and therefore my benefits are being reduced. I'm also exempt from the 2 child rule which brings in that same amount.

I've written to my MP and he is going to raise it and investigate with HMRC.

That's great, he really wants to help. However I once again have to go and meet him and explain what happened/this situation again for him to build the strongest case for me. It's heartbreaking to keep going through.

Has anyone else been through this? AIBU to be scared of financial hardship and think that financially leaving my wealthy exH was an awful idea? I would never, ever return. But now my children are facing an even harder life because of this. I have so many financial commitments from before that I'm barely keeping up now.

Just stop paying the debts. Don’t worry about bailiffs etc as it will be a long time before they arrive. Threatening you is awful and I’d go to ansolicter and give them everything and ask for their advice and help. Forget the debts and focus on looking after yourself and the children, just stopping paying them should help a lot and give you some breathing space. Also find out about the house, I won’t lie I’m not very clued up on all this but I’d imagine that half of the value of the house should come your way regardless of it being a gift from his parents, you were married and are entitled to that money. Try not to worry and focus on a calmer and safer life for you and your children, I hope you can all move past this soon enough. Sorry you and your children went through what you have, no one should have to go through that.

My partner was just saying to me that if bailiffs do come and you can prove that the person who has the debts in their name doesn’t live there, they cannot take anything. So don’t worry about them and stop paying all debts. You shouldn’t have to continue to suffer because of him.

Applying for maintenance will not endanger you if you've changed your names. They will use your 'old' names. Was he not criminally charged when he assaulted you? I'd encourage you to apply for child maintenance. I know several people who have been successful at chasing ex's in the US. The US has more teeth than the UK does (in most states anyway) and he could face jail time if he doesn't pay up.

It's definitely worth getting advice to see if you can claim PIP, as that would exempt you from the benefit cap. I get it for MH problems inc severe anxiety and it means that I'm not capped - I'm about £200pw over the cap (in London) due to multiple disabilities in the family so I'd lose a lot of money if I was capped. It's not easy to get and it will take months to process an application, but having evidence from Women's Aid, social workers, psychiatrist etc definitely helped for me.

I'd also recommend Stepchange for your debt problems. I went bankrupt 5 years ago and I had no bailiffs turning up at my door at any point. I just stopped paying towards the debts when I knew I was going to file for bankruptcy (as no point since your credit rating gets wrecked anyway) and that meant I could use the money I would have paid towards the debts, towards the bankruptcy fees. You get reduced fees as well on benefits. If you only need to pay for a DRO, that would be better, but mine debts were well over the limit. I'm already rebuilding my credit rating and the bankruptcy has not had too much effect on my day to day life (I still have bank accounts, phone contract , normal electric bills etc) and it will disappear off my credit record in a year. It's great for a fresh start.

I think going after increasing benefits is the wrong fight. £790 after rent should be enough to live on, and it's not the fault of the Government you're in debt.

I'd seriously consider declaring bankruptcy, you have nothing to lose - it's not like you have a house or belongings they can force sale on. And instead of perhaps getting another £50 (and it's unfair that you should), you will have what, by the sounds of it, extra hundreds of pounds spending money each month.

I'm sorry you're in this position, but the debt is the problem not the benefit cap.

Exemption, I don't have any advice but wanted to say how brave and strong you have been by getting away from your scumbag ex. I hope your MP and stepchange can help you.

Please please don't ever think that leaving your awful ex was the wrong thing to do, OP.

I'm not familiar with child maintenance, but I understand that the USA is part of the REMO set up, which allows enforcement of child maintenance in participating countries. This could be something to look in to.

The benefit system seems to complicated, I'm not surprised you'd be overwhelmed by it all. I understood that families with a disabled member were exempt from the benefit cap.

I wish I could be more help. Sorry. Wishing you all the very best.

Jesus there's another one!

Bbpp you clearly have no understanding of financial abuse especially when there's also the threat of physical abuse.

Plus it's beyond nasty to kick someone when they're as down as the op is right now. She's doing bloody well!

Op I understand not pursuing the maintenance all it would take is a slip of the tongue by a new clerk in an agency who doesn't understand the importance of being so careful with your new identities.

I do very much hope you get the help you need either in reducing the debt or increasing your income.

And yes it's bonkers that govt gives with one hand and takes with the other.

it's not the fault of the Government you're in debt.

It's not the fault of the OP either though, is it?

No and I apologise if I came across as blaming her, that wasn't my intention at all. I'm very well versed in poverty and abuse so this is not coming from some high and mighty position.

But she has been provided with an amount that's sufficient to live on if it weren't for her debts, so that's the part that needs sorting.

Its not for the taxpayer to pay off debts. The OP (if real) needs to address the debt situation.

No one is saying that it is for the taxpayer to sort out, although personally I think there should be something in law that says debts are split 50/50 when a relationship ends and 100/0 if those debts are the result of financial abuse. The OP has said she's going to try get the repayments reduced but in the meantime the benefit cap is causing her hardship.

I don’t believe the cap is causing the hardship though. If I’m struggling to buy food for my kids I let the debts slide. I’d rather my children have full tummies than worry about a debt. In this case the debt isn’t solely the op’s so she should ignore it and let do its thing while she and her kids live fairly comfortably. Bailiffs won’t be round in the next day or two and she can ring around and offer to pay back a smaller amount which they have to accept. Getting more money isn’t going to solve the problem.

exemption

I don't have any advice. I just want to say that I'm horrified by some of the comments and bad advice on this thread.

OP you need to change your view. Yours and your childrens safety from abuse is worth more than ANY amount of money. You are safe.

Yes, she is safe. But the OP still needs money to live on. Plus, because she is 'safe', surely the right time would be now, to sort her finances out?

I don't have any advice. I just want to say that I'm horrified by some of the comments and bad advice on this thread.

This

I should imagine if the house was a gift from his parents then it will still be in their names. You can check home owners records online for about £3.

Worth checking

Budgeting and keeping a house on a low budget is a skill as any other so it'll take some time for you to figure out the best solutions. There's lots of info online, MN included, so there's decent starting points and after contacting step change etc you'll know where you stand regarding your debts.

A friend of my family's was in a remarkably similar position to you and what amazes her (and her children) is how relaxed they are after getting rid of the abusive husband and how much better their life is without a malevolent cloud above their heads. They do absolutely have to manage on a significantly lower income, but they have yet to regret they're choice.

Good luck!

their choice!