Benefit cap/2 child rule

[exemption]

I know benefits it's a heavily debatable subject and I would like some honest opinions on my situation as I'm pretty sure it will be made public soon.

Background -
Was in a 6 year abusive relationship, sexual, physical, emotional, financial, you name it, he did it. I wasn't allowed contraception as he believed I may cheat - 3 pregnancies as a result (that was with sneaking a pill, obviously wasn't routined hence the babies)

Left when I was badly beaten at 7 months pregnant. Children and I stayed in a refuge and eventually was housed somewhere else.

Now I'm fully reliant on benefits for the first time in my life. I've had a letter through stating that I'm £53 over the benefit cap and therefore my benefits are being reduced. I'm also exempt from the 2 child rule which brings in that same amount.

I've written to my MP and he is going to raise it and investigate with HMRC.

That's great, he really wants to help. However I once again have to go and meet him and explain what happened/this situation again for him to build the strongest case for me. It's heartbreaking to keep going through.

Has anyone else been through this? AIBU to be scared of financial hardship and think that financially leaving my wealthy exH was an awful idea? I would never, ever return. But now my children are facing an even harder life because of this. I have so many financial commitments from before that I'm barely keeping up now.

Exemption yes we crossed post. I see you’re exempt from the 2 child now. Are you aware of the Benefit cap exemptions?

Is there a branch of Christians Against Poverty near you? They're a debt advice charity www.capuk.org

They won't sermonise at you or try to recruit you into being a Christian but they can negotiate with the companies who you owe money to and consolidate everything into one payment for you whereby you pay them and they divide it amongst your creditors as per the deals they've made. Someone I know left an abusive relationship and used them to negotiate debts, she's more than halved the amount she was having to pay out and it's given her the breathing room she needs.

@buttonmoonb4tea I saw some on the letter but none applied to me. Unless I misread?

Sounds like you'll have to move to bring your rent down. I'm on benefits too so understand but my rent for a 3 bed is only £360 a month.

Moving is not cheap though, is it? I moved not long ago and it cost a bloody fortune.

@Wonderlass social services won't just let me move at the moment. That's not meant in a negative way - they are really helping me and my children. But they worry about my isolation and me ending up trying to get closer to friends/family

Wonderlass where do you live? Because that is pretty cheap.

I think op is in London which is very expensive plus "just move" yea cos it's free and so easy

@MotherforkingShirtballs I'll look them up thanks :)

I'm in a pretty nice area in the south east, very little council housing and private renting a 3 bedroom would be £1800ish. I didn't get a choice, they just put me in the safest place with no connections.

Exemption I’d contact a welfare rights agency for some thorough advice. You may have not initially thought they apply to you but from your description of your relationship and the abuse you endured you may qualify for PIP. Sounds like you suffer with anxiety and depression. Understandably. It sounds very much on the lines of PTSD.

You wont be subject to the cap if you are a carer with a child on dla

I am single parent to two and my oldest is on dla and I am well over the cap but it isnt applied

In your situation I'm pretty sure your exempt from the two child rule, due to the abuse. Sorry this has happened to you, it all sounds truly horrific

Op with the cap yoir getting 23k a year so u have about £935 a month to live on/ other billd after rent, is that right

3 very fit and healthy children.

I've heard such horror stories about PIP assessments. I'm not sure I can handle even trying. I am capable of working. I just need to get my head sorted so I get past the interview stage.

I have a decent education and can probably independently support my children once they are all in full time school and these debts have gone. I also worry about the 5 week delay of moving to universal credit, I'm in the first year of a tenancy and it could result in me losing my home

If your child gets disablity payments you shouldn’t be u see the cap. Are they to young for it officially yet?

I live in Manchester. South.

In situations like this there should be a way of making your ex pay for his children directly from his wages so that you have no need to have any contact with him.

Exemption fair enough I know the assessment can be difficult.

OP you need to change your view. Yours and your childrens safety from abuse is worth more than ANY amount of money. You are safe.

I would contact Stepchange about those debts he's left you with and your situation. Bankruptcy may be an option but I'd look at a DRO first, bankruptcy costs 680 and I'm guessing you won't have that. A DRO costs 90 and is similar in process, but you need to have less than 50 per month left after your expenses. Stepchange will help you go through your budget then advice which would be best for you.

So sorry you've had to suffer all these horrific circumstances and I'm sorry I can't help with the benefits side of it.

@milliegeobotandyou I would qualify for a DRO. £90 would be an issue but it's better than £680. £680 to declare you're officially poor? I would laugh if that wasn't so ironically depressing

And do not worry - we will never be near that vile monster again. The moment he hurt one of our children I left for good without a second thought.

It's just sad that the children are suffering. Actually they aren't, they are quite enjoying life and don't understand financial burden. I want to get out of this before they are old enough to realise.

The kids now eat turkey dinosaurs from Iceland instead of fresh salmon from Waitrose. Trust me, they are loving their lives right now!

Babyroobs technically there is but many exes then go self employed or any other of the loop holes to get nil assessments. I think people assume claiming matinence is easy but it is a nightmare

I know @exemption, it's crazy. I've been considering bankruptcy myself as I don't qualify for a DRO but I just can't afford it. You may be able to get a grant from a local charity that will pay the fee for bankruptcy though.

There's a lot of good basic info on the Stepchange info about both options.

You will need to make sure that if you go on the Insolvency Register that you tell them not to publish your address as you will be at risk of violence.

Don't you worry @exemption. I have three kids aged 5,3 and 2 and so are young just like yours. They won't know this stuff for a good while yet, and I'm sure you'll have found your feet by then

On Radio 4 today they had a guy who ran up £360k in debt on credit cards and loans etc, he talked about how he was helped by Step Change and they sorted out £1 a month payments to creditors, he then offered each creditor £100 in order to cancel the debt. He was successful 3 times and for £300 wrote off something like £35k in debts - I've just managed to repay all mine something like £40k and I though oh ... great - I should have done what he did. Anyway just saying that its worth getting Step Change to take a look at things. I think you are very strong to be coping with all this on your own.

@milliegeobotandyou thank you so much for that last piece of information. I'm still finding it hard to remember how much of a target I now am. I would have forgotten to tell them that.

And I hope your situation improves too