Benefit cap/2 child rule

[exemption]

I know benefits it's a heavily debatable subject and I would like some honest opinions on my situation as I'm pretty sure it will be made public soon.

Background -
Was in a 6 year abusive relationship, sexual, physical, emotional, financial, you name it, he did it. I wasn't allowed contraception as he believed I may cheat - 3 pregnancies as a result (that was with sneaking a pill, obviously wasn't routined hence the babies)

Left when I was badly beaten at 7 months pregnant. Children and I stayed in a refuge and eventually was housed somewhere else.

Now I'm fully reliant on benefits for the first time in my life. I've had a letter through stating that I'm £53 over the benefit cap and therefore my benefits are being reduced. I'm also exempt from the 2 child rule which brings in that same amount.

I've written to my MP and he is going to raise it and investigate with HMRC.

That's great, he really wants to help. However I once again have to go and meet him and explain what happened/this situation again for him to build the strongest case for me. It's heartbreaking to keep going through.

Has anyone else been through this? AIBU to be scared of financial hardship and think that financially leaving my wealthy exH was an awful idea? I would never, ever return. But now my children are facing an even harder life because of this. I have so many financial commitments from before that I'm barely keeping up now.

The benefit cap is non-negotiable really and apart from the exemptions for those working more than 16 hours pw, where there is someone entitled to PIP/DLA in the household or on ESA and in the support group, I don't know of any solution other than applying to the council for a discretionary housing payment, I'm afraid.

Your council might have a welfare rights/financial inclusion officer based in their housing department, many do. They will be able to help with this. Or google "floating support" and the area where you live and see if you can refer yourself (or ask your social worker to refer you).

Floating support schemes help with anything that can prevent people becoming homeless and they will be all too familiar with cases like yours.

The benefit cap is a bitch. One of my clients lost over £150 pw because of it. Her rent was £229 pw ("affordable" HA property!) and she only got £71 in housing benefit. It's the most callous and cynical bit of benefit legislation I think I've ever come across.

Does your ex have any assets here- house for example?

What happened to the home you fled from? Was any part in your name?

I’d see cab about if you can use those assets to pay debts.

Jeez shiny, what a compassion vacuum you are.

You obviously have no idea how psychologically damaging prolonged DA is, and I suggest you keep your opinions to yourself until you have.

OP, it takes a long time but you may be able to get compensation through CICA. www.cica-uk.co.uk/abuse-claims/domestic-abuse/

I use ex Husband but I am still fighting through divorce proceedings. The house was a gift from his parents, legally it's not looking great for me.

I've accepted that I ran away with nothing and other than a divorce I really do not want a single thing from him - this is probably a stupid move on my part. At the moment I can't afford to fight him, even if I wanted to

Doesn’t matter if it’s a gift from his parents. Once you married it’s a marital asset.

I’d at least list everything and a) take it to a solicitor or cab or b) send it to the debtors with a letter explaining you are on benefits looking at bankruptcy so those assets may be their only resource.

I don't understand why you wouldn't put in a claim for child maintenance. It would be far easier than fighting the benefits cap.

shiny - save your vitriol for the violent criminal (fraud, rape and assault) that has left the country to avoid paying his debts both monetary and a deserved prison sentence, and contributing towards his children. Leaving his victim to do it. Do you tell other victims of crime off?

exemption - well done for leaving, well done for working with social services and your MP, well done for keeping going. I wish you all the very best. I cant talk about my siblings similar experience as its her story - but to give you hope, she owns a little town house outright now and lives a normal life, although she still has counselling.

Child matinence is just another way for an abusive person to continue the abuse. You are pressured into handing over personal details to your abuser. You are forced to jump through hoops to even get the correct calculation and getting money us another fight.

Child matinence is only easy when you are dealing with a reasonable ex

I've been warned that perusing maintenance could be risky. We all have new names too and he would likely find those out. Because he's abroad it would be impossible to keep each agency aware of the risks.

I was so badly injured after the last event that I'm not entirely sure he wouldn't try to kill me. The fact I was 7 months pregnant also makes me believe he would harm my children.

Dealing with the benefits cap is frustrating, but it's not life endangering at least

@reallyanotherone I will hopefully eventually do so. To be honest at the moment I'm petrified of fighting him for anything I may be entitled to

Do you have family or friends to help yo out?

@LifeBeginsAtGin nobody. They all disowned me once I left my husband. No siblings, unsupportive parents who don't believe in divorce. Looking at them I can see that my mum is very much a controlled woman too, I'm guessing that's why they hold such awful views of a woman's place in the world

As well as asking your LA about a Discretionary Housing Payment, ask about a Community Grant for household essentials. What used to be DWP’s Social Fund transferred to Local Authorities so they have budgets for these Grants. Here in Scotland it is called the Scottish Welfare Fund but not sure what is called in England however I do know help can be given . Good luck . 💐

Are you paying debts that are solely in his name? If so you should financially disassociate yourself from him, you’re not responsible for his debts, but I know that some companies try and make you think you are. Obviously when someone passes away and you have the estate then the debts have to come out of that, but this isn’t the case here.

As for your own debts, maybe have a look into a Debt relief order. Use a free debt management company if that’s the route you choose, such as step change. You can always offer a token payment of £1 pcm to each creditor, and remind them that you are not legally allowed to favour one debt over another hence they will all get the same £1.

Good luck!

I would stop.paying the debts. If they are in joint names they will go after him as he is the one with money and a property in his name.

Also, surely you are traceable via the debts? If he phoned up one of the companies could he find your details out?

Again maybe legal advice as pp said to get yourself dissociated. See if you can get the above used too- not only can you not pay, it puts you at risk.

I know money is short o/p, but i’d say you need some serious advice. Do you have a liason officer with the police who understands your situation and could advise or at least recommend a solicitor who may do pro bono or waive fees if your ex is wealthy and there is a possiblilty the court would claim fees from him. Is legal aid still a thing?

The debt companies have indirectly threatened that if they aren't paid they would peruse him and my details wouldn't be safe. Not in those words but that was the implication. Because I'm the easiest to find they all come straight to me. My fear of bailiffs turning up makes it very hard not to pay

If you have changed you name and address etc how will they even find you?

Close you bank accounts

That's true how come your debts have followed you if you've changed your name and address?

The debt companies can'tnd won't pass your details on to him. How have they found you though? That would imply you are traceable

I have no idea how they've traced me to be honest. I had two debt letters when I walked into this new home, I got the keys opened the door and there they were! I had changed my bank account address, driving licence and a few other things such as my university details. Things I can't just stop half way through and use a new name and address. The council also had both names and previous addresses as does this housing association as so many background checks had to be completed.

I'm guessing with my bank being linked to both names and me using it for eBay or something leads to me being traceable?

I don't know, these companies seem to have found a way

It sounds like you've been through very difficult time but what transpires is that the reason you are not managing on the cap which is set fairly is because of your debts. It wouldn't be fair to increase it to take account debts otherwise where is the incentive to live within your means?

Many working families separate and are left with debts that need repaying regardless of their earned income and no extra benefit to apply for to help repay them. I don't see why it should be any different for people not working.

There is much help around to manage debts and repay at a rate that does not cause hardship and support towards bankruptcy.

I'd would've sent them back 'not known at this address'

They then would need to trace homfor his debts

If you have a house then half of its worth minimum will be coming your way so just think of this as a temporary blip.

OP, I couldn't read this and run. I just wanted to say a bloody well done to you, you have done amazingly so far to get away from that situation, keep your kids safe, and your heads above water. You are such a strong woman.

I totally get why you don't want to pursue him for maintenance, from what you've said it seems far too risky. You've had some great practical advice on this thread, make sure you look into it all.

One thing I will say - the poster who suggested beat the bailiffs fb page. It is a great idea, but I don't think suitable for your situation right now. It would mean stopping paying your debts, and letting them be sold on. Meaning you would be more than likely to have bailiffs at the door. And that's something you really don't need right now. I would look at the other options first. By all means, have a look at the page, but if you can't handle men being near you or turning up unannounced right now, don't do it. I joined that fb page and I've seen the lengths those bailiffs go to, you really need to be strong to deal with them.

You will do it. You'll get there, and your little family will be all the more happy and safe for it.

Sending all the good wishes I have