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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is taking the piss a bit?

137 replies

BasinHaircut · 10/04/2018 20:24

We seem to have acquired a regular house guest through circumstance. Family member needs/wants to be local a couple of days a week, they live about an hour away. Should have been fairly short term (several weeks, maybe a couple of months) but seems to have turned into a more permanent arrangement.

Whilst in theory I don’t really have an issue with someone crashing one night a week on a short/medium term basis, what I object to is that they are now turning up with about an hour’s notice, on random days of the week, at any time between 4-9pm.

Both DH and I work and have a 4yo DS and this isn’t always convenient or sometimes you just don’t want company (long day etc).

When they stay it’s on the sofa, in the lounge, so we basically have to go to bed early. they want dinner. I meal plan and often it’s a ball ache trying to sort out dinner because what we might be having that day isn’t always possible to stretch out to an extra portion.

AIBU to point out that this isn’t a hotel? That we need to know in advance when they are coming? E.g date and rough times. That it’s just not really convenient for it to be every week for an unspecified length of time? And most importantly that they need to actually ASK.

I’m not always the most sociable person TBH and sometimes you just want to veg out on your own sofa and not talk to anyone. But at the moment I’m feeling a bit like my personal space has been invaded and like my downtime has been violated. DH says chill out, it’s bit going to be forever, but I just feel like they are taking the royal piss by assuming they can just stay with no prior agreement/arrangement.

OP posts:
BasinHaircut · 11/04/2018 20:16

Did have a chat with her this morning in a ‘the thing that you are doing is really dragging out now it’s not fair on you having to be away from home so often’ kind of way. She really wants the thing to be finished sooner rather than later, or so she says. I think she is 50/50 about it tbh. She isn’t coming next week as she is gone by away so at least we get a break!

She isn’t the sharpest person so I’m not sure whether it will make her think or not about the impact on us. But there is an ‘event’ coming up that would be a good time to aim for, for it to be all done, and I’ve suggested as much to her so I think I need to see how that goes.

I’m going to talk to DH about it again tonight too. Not to put a stop to it just yet, but to explain that I’m not willing for it to go on forever and there needs to be an end date and some former ground rules e.g. advance notice and the ability for us to say a night isn’t convenient for us if it isn’t.

If I know when she is coming it’s more tolerable. I did get annoyed this morning though that my lounge smelled like a bedroom.

OP posts:
Fleshmechanic · 11/04/2018 20:48

An hour away is nothing lol what the heck. Definitely unreasonable to stay for only an hours journey!

Fleshmechanic · 11/04/2018 20:51

I have a spare bedroom and I wouldn't let anyone stay 😂 I hate people around too long. I think you've been very very generous but you need to say no if they do it at short notice or turn them away/don't answer if they show up randomly. Someone showing up unexpectedly at mine would have a shit day cos I don't answer the door if I'm not expecting anyone.

Jeepy · 11/04/2018 21:05

OMG how stressful...

Smudge100 · 11/04/2018 21:34

I thought it was a younger relative because behaviour so inconsiderate. Can’t believe that an older adult would be so selfish. Get your DH to say something. It’s taking the mick.

mylifestory · 11/04/2018 22:02

It is very hard if u don't give a specific reason bt id definitely be asking for more notice. Can u try to be out 1 time or wdnt that make any difference? Wot does her other half think, maybe u CD mention to them? I'd try everythign if i were u. id know exactly wot to domif i knew everything as i can see another persons life v easily, just not mine. Msg me if u need to and need a blunt realistic reply 😊

Turismo · 11/04/2018 22:55

Have you tried saying
“In the name of God fuck off”?
Obviously this may cause offence on religious grounds so you may find a simple “Fuck off” works just as well.
No you are not being unreasonable.

FrancisCrawford · 11/04/2018 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rachel0Greep · 12/04/2018 00:19

I would hate this, tbh. Hopefully some good will come from the conversation.
I would be inclined to make things a little less comfortable, should this continue.

DoctorWhatTheFuck · 12/04/2018 00:24

It needs to be DH getting rid otherwise you become the bitch dil even though it’s impacting you all.

Icanttakemuchmore · 12/04/2018 08:11

I don't like anyone sleeping on my sofa. A sofa is for sitting on not sleeping on so this would really piss me off and I would have to put an end to it. The odd night in an emergency is different but this isn't an emergency situation. I would ask your mil to wait until invited.

TomRavenscroft · 12/04/2018 12:25

I don't really see why she needs to stay at all when she's only an hour away.

I think she should have the manners/common sense to realise that just turning up with no notice again and again is not on, but if she hasn't then your DH needs to spell it out to her. Maybe talk to him about what to say if you think he'll be too blunt, or talk to her together?

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