To wonder if thin shaming is a thing?
Notanotherottenotter · 10/04/2018 07:19
I realise there are many worse issues than this, but I really wanted to see how MNetters would feel about it.
So, I lost a bit of weight three years ago, and have kept it off. Not a massive amount, about three stone. It needed to be done - I was feeling middle aged and unfit, and I feel loads better for it. Family and close mates all really supportive and pleased that I was feeling and looking better.
So why does this keep happening? Yesterday I was pushing my trolley round the supermarket and met an old playground mum from way back. Chat, chat, as you do. And then “you’re looking very thin. WAS IT INTENTIONAL?” I didn’t have the bollocks to reply “no, I’ve got a terrible wasting disease”, but wish I had.
Another one - a former work colleague told me they’d all been discussing whether or not I had cancer!!! I’ve also had “you know you’ll get oesteoporosis now, don’t you?”
It’s not keeping me awake at night, but I just find it weird that people are OK to make comments like this to my face. Supposing I had put on a stack of weight, would I get “wow, you’ve REALLY chubbed up, love”?
Or do I just know a lot of really rude people?
Dozer · 10/04/2018 07:22
Rude people! People have weird perceptions of weight.
Unless your BMI is 18 or under and you’re actuallu underweight. And even then they are rude.
Glug44 · 10/04/2018 07:22
Do you look older because of your weight loss? I was looking decrepit for a bit while my skin got used to my new weight (approx 2 years) and got loads of comments like this. Then like magic I suddenly looked amazing and they stopped!
TheQueenOfWands · 10/04/2018 07:23
Probably, but I expect it's largely jealousy.
I put on weight with my meds and feel a twinge of envy at slimmer women. Not enough to make bullshit comments though. I'd tell you I thought you looked amazing.
Just ignore. You don't need to respond to every ignorant comment. Save your energy for sensible conversations.
Dozer · 10/04/2018 07:23
And 3 stone IS a “massive amount” to lose, and keep off. Congratulations on that.
Joey7t8 · 10/04/2018 07:24
It does exist. It’s what fat people do to make themselves feel better about the fact that you’ve got the willpower to change your diet and lifestyle, but they haven’t.
Notanotherottenotter · 10/04/2018 07:25
I don’t think I look older, I’ve been exercising a bit, so not looking too saggy, and most bits have sprung back into place.
Notanotherottenotter · 10/04/2018 07:27
It’s not fat people that have been making the worst comments, weirdly!
Helspopje · 10/04/2018 07:27
Did similarly then stacke on last yr when ill so now bigger than ever
Probably a deeply unpopular opinion but...
I think that a lot of larger people who say they dont care how big they are actually do and spend a lot of effort self justifying that they are 'curvy' and 'normal sized' or being large is 'just how I am'. Inevitably that means smaller/thinner/fitter are too small/skinny/muscley and a special dose of disquiet is saved for those who used to be big but list it through diet and exercise.
The perception of healthy and normal sized is deeply warped nowadays imho
FittonTower · 10/04/2018 07:28
It exists - less common than fat shaming i found (I've been both visiably over and underweight). I got more fat shaming from strangers - more whispered comments on busses and more blokes in pubs saying stuff. When i was thin i got more from people i knew - more "you need a good meal" faux concern about my health.
FittonTower · 10/04/2018 07:29
Although, on-line discussions like this tend to end up with lots of people being "concerned" about the health of overweight people rather than the other way round.
GreenTeek · 10/04/2018 07:31
I’ve had it my whole life. It runs the gauntlet of complete strangers telling I’m thin and need to eat more, friends posting those fucking “no man wants to lie down with a bag of bones” memes, people head tilting if you dare to eat a salad and literally never being able to wear anything tight without someone calling you a skinny minny/anorexic/asking what you eat in a day.
I literally don’t even hear it now, never comment back and tend to just give a tiny weary grin and move the subject on.
Dozer · 10/04/2018 07:33
Much does depend on whether you’re actually underweight.
GreenTeek · 10/04/2018 07:37
People are terrible at guessing what is underweight though.
I’m not underweight as it happens but the vast majority of people assume I am.
TaytoAllDay · 10/04/2018 07:39
Thin shaming is very common! People openly comment about it more than they would to an overweight person. Ridiculous.
thenewaveragebear1983 · 10/04/2018 07:41
Just listen to ‘all about the bass’ and all its talk of ‘skinny bitches’ and how fake it is to be skinny (never mind it’s ok to be overweight because boys like booty??!) - skinny shaming is definitely real.
Well done on your weightloss OP that’s an incredible amount to lose.
I’m dieting, I’ve lost 1.5 stone. I’m basically still ‘overweight’- my mil tells me not to lose anymore, and tells me about how she was once 7.5 stones and looked awful. I’m over 11 stone!!! It’s hardly the same.
I think people get unsettled when their comforting ‘fat friend’ gets slimmer! It makes my friends feel uncomfortable when we go out and I refuse to break my diet, it makes them feel they shouldn’t have cake/dessert etc.
I also think people see that commenting on an overweight person’s food and their size is ‘rude’ but commenting on how thin someone is is complementing them and saying ‘you need to eat more’ is acceptable.
OllyBJolly · 10/04/2018 07:41
The number of times people have told me - totally unprompted - that thin people can be fat in the inside and that men prefer real women! Also "You must live on your nerves to be so skinny." "Don't you wish you could just enjoy your food?" (I do - very much. Just don't eat until I burst!) I absolutely love the MN retort "Did you mean that to sound so rude?" although usually I just smile and move on.
Yes, thin shaming exists. And I'm not thin - just average!
Dozer · 10/04/2018 07:45
Commenting on people’s bodies is rude full stop!
Highhorse1981 · 10/04/2018 07:49
Yep i get this
I’m very skinny but no ED and eat well (very healthily)
It’s like water off a ducks back
(I wish I could say)
Notanotherottenotter · 10/04/2018 07:49
Dozer, I’m 8 and a half stone from 11 and a half, and my BMI is about 21. So not underweight, I hope.
Thanks for all the understanding here, I’m amazed it’s so common.
And yeah, mothers in law.... my MIL keeps slipping me bit of bacon all the time.
Joey7t8 · 10/04/2018 07:51
It’s not fat people that have been making the worst comments, weirdly!
Maybe they don’t like that you look as good as them now?!
ThymeLord · 10/04/2018 07:52
I think "thin shaming" as a thing doesn't exist, no. I don't think it's possible when being thin is so celebrated and treated as such a marker of success. Having said that, I do think what you're describing is jealousy. I've lost 7.5 stone over the last 19 months and people tell me all the time that I've gone too far, I'm too thin, I look old etc. I guess people find it hard when group dynamics change. I'm not the fat friend, or the fat sister anymore and I've worked really hard for a long time and generally, IME, people don't like others to succeed!
3 stone is a massive achievement so well done to you.
TheTroutofNoCraic · 10/04/2018 07:53
I have a friend with an eating disorder...She's 5ft9 and 7.5 stone. She's painfully thin...but it does shock me how rude people, particularly men, can be to her/about her. Eg, saying she looks like Skeletor/a witch etc...or over the top levels of shock at finding out how much younger she is than the age they'd imagined etc.
Why do people think that's ok but fat shaming an overweight person isn't.
I wonder are men's physiques usually such an arena for unsolicited comment.....hmm....didn't think so.
Okaassan · 10/04/2018 07:53
I have been stopped countless times in supermarkets, bars, parks by women who say "wow you are so slim, you are such a skinny B" and sometimes call their friends over to say " have you seen how slim she is". Now if I was to stop a fat person and do the same routine " I think you are fat " there would be an uproar. Or the classic " You could do with a good meal" to which I reply "have you got any recipes as you are clearly eating more than enough". For some reason I am supposed to be thankful for my slim figure and feel lucky about it. I hate the term skinny and do find it offensive. I have also had people tell me they didn't like me when first meeting me because I was slimmer than them!! So it seems some women choose to instantly dislike other women just because they are slimmer than them! . The world is crazy, what happened to sisterhood? But that is a debate for another day
Blackbirdblue30 · 10/04/2018 07:54
It is a thing and its root lies in jealousy. It's unpleasant and unnecessary. I try to take it as a (veiled) compliment.
IveGotBillsTheyreMultiplying · 10/04/2018 08:00
It's definitely a thing.
I've been told by close friends who'd had a few drinks 'we all hate you, skinny cow'. Also by friends 'we call you the skinny (insert nationality) bitch'.
All said 'jokingly' but I've never forgotten it. It feels like bullying and I'm not sure if they are joking or if it's really how they think about me.
People are always asking if I've lost weight- I used to get awkward when asked but now I try to answer factually and without emotion and say my weight has been stable for years. That tends to close down the conversation.
I wouldn't dream of asking anyone if they've put on weight but have been told off for not noticing other people's weight loss.
I run a lot and there's a tendency for non-runners to assume that running is about weight loss-i get told I don't need to. I run because I enjoy it.
I eat plenty, l burn 2500 cals or so a day-according to Fitbit but I don't count it. I get comments if eating pizza or pudding.
I'm not underweight but at the lower end of normal.
All in all it adds up to a lot of unwanted advice and comments. But I can't complain as being called 'skinny' is apparently a compliment.
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