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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel like I'm being harassed by my neighbour?

143 replies

Greypaw · 09/04/2018 22:42

I live in the arse-end of nowhere, in a tiny hamlet of about ten houses. It's very rural, and the houses are mainly old farm buildings that were converted long ago. My house has been here for about 150 years on the edge of the hamlet, and there is a bit of land in front of it, which is essentially my front garden. I have one drive which goes from the road, through my front garden to the side of the house, and another drive that goes from the road to the back of the house.

A few houses away from mine is the house of a guy who has a history of making complaints about my property. This predates me living here, and I have paperwork that shows him doing this on several occasions over the years. Since I moved here I've kept my head well down. None of my property borders his. He has one small window overlooking a miniscule part of the drive through my back garden, but that's it - the rest of the property and gardens he can't see.

However he's taken to writing complaints to the council about my property, and has been involving people from nearby villages in these communications. These seem to focus on alleged breaches of planning rules. He seems to like doing this as when I looked on the local planning site for this hamlet, there were quite a few letters from him objecting to one thing or another, but at the moment he seems to have a real bee in his bonnet about my front garden and driveway.

About three or four years ago (before I bought the place), it seems he claimed my drive had been installed without permission, but the case was closed with no further action to be taken. I think this is because it's sited on an old farm track that was always used to access parts of the property, so wasn't new, but had fallen into disuse, become overgrown and wasn't visible except for the dropped kerb. The previous owners then resurfaced it which is when he complained. After that it went quiet (at least on that issue - he was feuding with other neighbours during that time), but over the last six months he's really been going for it with this drive, collecting evidence etc. It's the range of things he's done that's made me feel harassed. In brief, these are what those things are, and the only reason I know about them is because he's written to the council listing all this stuff:

  • Conducted several "site visits" along with other people locally to ask their opinion and get them to write to the council too (there is no footpath outside the house and the road is a very busy national speed limit road, so he'd have to come into my front garden to do this). I had no knowledge that these had taken place.
  • Monitored my use of both my drives to see how often I use each one (I have no idea how he can do this with the front drive as there is no way he can see it).
  • Monitored who comes and goes over my front garden drive, in terms of whether they are workmen, residents, visitors etc.
  • Stated he has seen vans queuing on the drive to get on the property, creating a danger on the highway (this isn't true, but he's taken a photo of a workman's van that was parked on the drive to "prove" it)
  • Tracked down the owner of the house from over 50 years ago to ask them to write a letter stating whether the drive was there then.
  • Stated the drive is too confusing for visitors who often take the wrong turning in trying to find my property (how would he know this? How?)

All these things he's put in letters to the council, and urged others in nearby villages to do the same. I know he's also talked to the residents of the hamlet to tell them my drive is illegal and try to get them involved (they have declined)

For my part, I've had a site visit from the council and been told everything is fine, but he's still going.

I know it's fine to raise an issue with the council if he's worried about something, but AIBU to feel harassed at this level of surveillance and reporting?

OP posts:
Sarsparella · 09/04/2018 22:45

He sounds nuts & obsessive tbh, do you only know this stuff because you’ve checked the letters he’s written to the council?

If so just stop checking, the council don’t seem to care, ignore him!

MaireadMacSweeney · 09/04/2018 22:49

In your position I think I'd willingly pay a solicitor to write him a letter telling him to back off and stop his nonsense - he sounds deranged.

RunMummyRun68 · 09/04/2018 22:54

I'd speak to him....call him out on it and say his peeping tom behaviour will be reported from now on

He will likely object to the term 'peeping Tom' and may reassess his behaviour

Aquamarine1029 · 09/04/2018 22:55

Good grief, don't give this lunatic a moment of your time. Trust me, EVERYONE this nutter has contacted knows he's an unhinged pain in the ass. If he continues to bother and stalk you, report him to the police, as many times as you need to. Also, I suggest you never engage directly with him, either by speaking or in writing should he send you a letter. Any response will only add fuel to his crazy fire.

Greypaw · 09/04/2018 23:04

The reason I know about all this is because neighbours have told me he’s tried to engage them, and I had a letter from Planning saying a different neighbour had applied for planning consent for something so I went on to the website to see what it was. Because it’s a tiny hamlet you can see pretty much everything that’s been applied for and objected to, and I saw this stuff to do with my house that he’d submitted. I’ve also had visits from the Planning Department, so I get information that way.

I’m wary of going to see him, because a former neighbour here stuck up for herself, and it really escalated and ended up in court with apparently astronomical legal fees and the police being called. He seems to like conflict and has money to spend on escalating stuff officially. I don’t.

I think I’m going to call a solicitor and see where I stand, at least.

OP posts:
Barbaro · 09/04/2018 23:08

I'd wind him up more and put a bouncy castle in the garden. But that's not the sensible option. Just phone the police on him if he keeps harassing you.

Greypaw · 09/04/2018 23:11

Yes, the planning officer I spoke to didn’t say anything, but had a bit of a weary air about him when he said we’d been reported. Didn’t say who it was, but did roll his eyes.

Right, I’m going to call the solicitor in the morning and ask if it would constitute harassment, or whether he’s perfectly entitled to keep tabs on all this kind of stuff because of planning regs.

OP posts:
dadshere · 09/04/2018 23:13

Speak to a lawyer about a cease and desist letter. Also get CCTV to record if he trespasses and put up a sign specifically forbidding trespass.

ReanimatedSGB · 09/04/2018 23:18

Definitely consult a solicitor. It sounds like, at the very least, this prick could be sent a letter warning him that he does not have permission to enter your property and that charges for trespass will be made against him if he does. There might even be grounds for some sort of non-mol order against him.

EstuaryBird · 09/04/2018 23:19

Ignore him as much as you can, don't fuel his fire. A few years ago DP decided to 'take on' a neighbour who was constantly causing us low level annoyances, the speed at which things accelerated was unreal!
Just keep in mind that the bloke's a nutjob but he can't actually do anything with his spurious claims, if he wants to waste his life writing pointless letters then let him get on with it.
However, if he continues to enter your property without valid cause then he needs to be stopped so gather available evidence and have a word with a solicitor if it becomes necessary. All the best x

fairybells · 09/04/2018 23:27

I definitely wouldn't confront him, avoid him at all cost and do not engage in any communication with him. Contact your solicitor to see what can be done. Good luck!

concretesieve · 09/04/2018 23:27

What Aqaumarine said. Your neighbours and Planning clearly have his measure and Planning are happy that you've not breached regulations, so try not to stress - it's him, not you. Flowers

SaltireSaltire · 09/04/2018 23:28

Don’t look on the website anymore.
He has already lost his ‘case’.
He isn’t directly harassing you as he isn’t approaching you directly. Your neighbours clearly have the measure of him.
Just get on with your life - there are people who devote their lives to campaigns like this to make themselves feel important. You want change him, so just ignore him.
Engaging with this will make matters worse.
I’d leave out the solicitors letter route - they are pointless.

BerylStreep · 09/04/2018 23:31

I'd be inclined not to approach him at all, but install a couple of cameras which record anyone accessing your drive. You can get wireless ones which record on to a SD card and provide alerts on your phone.

If you are finding he is entering your property, then reassess.

The other thing you could contemplate is contacting your local mental health team and advising them that if, hypothetically he was one of their patients, and you don't want to know if he is or not, his behaviour is causing concern and they may need to do a risk assessment on his needs.

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 09/04/2018 23:42

This is going beyond being a nuisance and going into stalker territory....he is watching you to see where you park your car, he is watching your house and monitoring who is coming and going and has even taken a photo... he has done several "site visits" meaning he is going on to your property without your permission or knowledge and prowling around doing God knows what ...that is not normal, it's creepy

If I was you I would speak to a solicitor and the police and see if there is a restraining order you can take out against him to keep him away from you and your property...

You need to put a stop to this, otherwise he will keep taking it further...

CatsMother66 · 09/04/2018 23:46

I have been in your position and it made me quite ill. We had many visits by the Planning officer who was brilliant. She told us that the office had had more phone calls, emails and letters from our neighbours in the short time they’d lived there, than the whole of the constituency put together. Seems like they complained about everyone and everything and were an annoyance to the office who were duty bound to follow it up. Maybe she shouldn’t have told us but it certainly made things easier knowing that it wasn’t personal. I’m sure you’re in the same situation, it’s not personal. I would ignore him, I don’t think he will change his way of thinking and won’t take any notice of any solicitor’s letter. All your neighbours know what he’s like so just ignore him. It could easily become personal after the letter.

BewareOfDragons · 10/04/2018 00:04

It does sound like he's obsessed, and it sounds like a cross being stalking and harassment. I hope a solicitor has a good suggestion for you to make it cease.

Shizzlestix · 10/04/2018 00:21

101 for advice re stalking. This guy is a pain in the arse who needs to officially be told to stop.

Rainbunny · 10/04/2018 01:15

Yep, talking to a solicitor is a good idea OP. Also the suggestion for getting cctv installed if possible. I would tend to agree with those saying to ignore him if possible, my DM used to work for a planning department and trust me they knew EXACTLY who the obsessive nut job complainers were! If cctv shows him trespassing on your property however that changes things.

CrispyCrackers · 10/04/2018 01:33

I wouldn't bother contacting a solicitor however I would install CCTV and make a note of any times when he bothers you. Otherwise I'd just ignore him and try to avoid as much as possible. I would try and avoid ever talking about him to other neighbours too - there is no need, they will know what he is like.

CircleSquareCircleSquare · 10/04/2018 01:59

Jeeze, imagine being him. What a sad fuck.
I agree re CCTV, if money is an issue you can get decent sets on Amazon. Just make sure your cameras only face onto your property, he seems like he would go to the police over any very small oversight.

CircleSquareCircleSquare · 10/04/2018 02:00

Oh and I’d also make a point of using both of your drives frequently and maybe even getting someone to video or photograph you doing so (with date stamps).

Iflyaway · 10/04/2018 02:11

God, he sounds grim, and as a previous poster said deranged. could be the start of dementia

Sorry you're going through this.

The eye-rolling planning officer tells you all you need to know.

Don't let him waste any more of your mental energy.

TooMuchGreys · 10/04/2018 02:11

I wouldn’t give your driveway anymore thought because it obviously isn’t an issue. I would however get some cameras installed around the property. If you do have to go further and report him for stalking/harassment or what have you, at least you’ll have some evidence.

MsMims · 10/04/2018 02:12

How horrible for you. He sounds completely deranged.

Can you block his view in any way? At the least I’d be trying to make it very difficult for him to see what was going on. May be worth a call to the police for advice - emphasise that he is monitoring and recording you. It’s not normal or acceptable to stalk you like that.