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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel like I'm being harassed by my neighbour?

143 replies

Greypaw · 09/04/2018 22:42

I live in the arse-end of nowhere, in a tiny hamlet of about ten houses. It's very rural, and the houses are mainly old farm buildings that were converted long ago. My house has been here for about 150 years on the edge of the hamlet, and there is a bit of land in front of it, which is essentially my front garden. I have one drive which goes from the road, through my front garden to the side of the house, and another drive that goes from the road to the back of the house.

A few houses away from mine is the house of a guy who has a history of making complaints about my property. This predates me living here, and I have paperwork that shows him doing this on several occasions over the years. Since I moved here I've kept my head well down. None of my property borders his. He has one small window overlooking a miniscule part of the drive through my back garden, but that's it - the rest of the property and gardens he can't see.

However he's taken to writing complaints to the council about my property, and has been involving people from nearby villages in these communications. These seem to focus on alleged breaches of planning rules. He seems to like doing this as when I looked on the local planning site for this hamlet, there were quite a few letters from him objecting to one thing or another, but at the moment he seems to have a real bee in his bonnet about my front garden and driveway.

About three or four years ago (before I bought the place), it seems he claimed my drive had been installed without permission, but the case was closed with no further action to be taken. I think this is because it's sited on an old farm track that was always used to access parts of the property, so wasn't new, but had fallen into disuse, become overgrown and wasn't visible except for the dropped kerb. The previous owners then resurfaced it which is when he complained. After that it went quiet (at least on that issue - he was feuding with other neighbours during that time), but over the last six months he's really been going for it with this drive, collecting evidence etc. It's the range of things he's done that's made me feel harassed. In brief, these are what those things are, and the only reason I know about them is because he's written to the council listing all this stuff:

  • Conducted several "site visits" along with other people locally to ask their opinion and get them to write to the council too (there is no footpath outside the house and the road is a very busy national speed limit road, so he'd have to come into my front garden to do this). I had no knowledge that these had taken place.
  • Monitored my use of both my drives to see how often I use each one (I have no idea how he can do this with the front drive as there is no way he can see it).
  • Monitored who comes and goes over my front garden drive, in terms of whether they are workmen, residents, visitors etc.
  • Stated he has seen vans queuing on the drive to get on the property, creating a danger on the highway (this isn't true, but he's taken a photo of a workman's van that was parked on the drive to "prove" it)
  • Tracked down the owner of the house from over 50 years ago to ask them to write a letter stating whether the drive was there then.
  • Stated the drive is too confusing for visitors who often take the wrong turning in trying to find my property (how would he know this? How?)

All these things he's put in letters to the council, and urged others in nearby villages to do the same. I know he's also talked to the residents of the hamlet to tell them my drive is illegal and try to get them involved (they have declined)

For my part, I've had a site visit from the council and been told everything is fine, but he's still going.

I know it's fine to raise an issue with the council if he's worried about something, but AIBU to feel harassed at this level of surveillance and reporting?

OP posts:
ShiftyMcGifty · 10/04/2018 02:36

Don’t do the solicitor route, as you have been told he thrives on being litigious and will happily escalate it to court without a valid case!

easterwasbadformywaist · 10/04/2018 02:46

Can you fence off your property so he can't get in or see it? I'd call the police also, he's watching you constantly. That is very unsettling.

ShiftyMcGifty · 10/04/2018 03:08

You realise he’d refocus on her newly installed fence instead?

BoomBoomsCousin · 10/04/2018 03:33

I don't envy your situation, ignoring him is probably the best strategy unless he's being physically invasive, in which case go through the police regarding harassment, not your solicitor if you fear he will escalate a civil conflict.

I would probably dream about teasing him a bit - knock on his door and tell him you're thinking of adding a conservatory and you're just canvassing neighbours to see if a majority are OK with it. Have a clipboard and listen to his ranting with a serious, concerned look and then tick your spreadsheet and say "So I'll put you down as a Yes with reservations then." Smile brightly and wander off. Be sure to let the neighbours you trust know that you have no plans to do so. A few months later go round and say you're wondering about making it a conservatory, same routine with the clipboard. Then a garage. A loft conversion. Adding a whole extra floor. Maybe a guest house. A 6-foot fence at the front of the house. Etc. Give him something to rant about that you have no plans of doing. But that's a lot of work and not guaranteed to give you a good outcome.

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/04/2018 04:02

I really wouldnt bother with a solicitors letter as types like this fucking love that, you would be playing right into his hands. They love a fight and unless you have the funds to see i tright through, which you say you dont, what would be the point? IF you dont see any threats through then he will see it as carte blanche to do as he likes.

I agree with just completely ignoring him, but protecting your property via CCTV if you can so if it does escalate or he is doing more than just hanging around the bottom of your drive, then you have evidence.

flumpybear · 10/04/2018 04:31

Check your insurance go see if you have legal fees over

As PP said this person is unhinged, probably has too much time on his hands - bet the rest of the hamlet feel pleased it's not them he's chasing but also feel for you - personally I'd be inclined to discuss harassment order with the solicitor

Belphegor · 10/04/2018 04:57

Jesus, he sounds absolutely deranged. Poor you.

I am not sure about configuration of your property etc, but can you get some fast-growing shrubbery to at least screen his view?

But in the short term, I would make a visit to your local police station.

thebewilderness · 10/04/2018 05:03

I think you may want to request that either the council or police caution him about his repeated confessed trespassing and possibly also harassment on the basis of a claim long since settled in your favor.

easterwasbadformywaist · 10/04/2018 06:03

@ShiftyMcGifty yes but if it's an approved fence, he'd just be doing the same as what he's doing now. But at least he couldn't freely wander round her property and take photos.

Mrsemcgregor · 10/04/2018 06:29

He sounds mad, and I would probably advocate completely ignoring him. I think cctv is a good idea though, protect your property and for peace of mind.

YABU for not including a diagram though Wink (hint hint)

Veterinari · 10/04/2018 06:46

Either completely ignore or if you’re feeling Concerned, report to the police for trespass and stalking - he’s clearly monitoring your house closely. Don’t engage directly.

ChickenMom · 10/04/2018 06:47

Have a look at getting your property secured so that he can’t access it. Be proactive rather than reactive. Can you secure your drive with fences and gates so that he can’t access your land. Get quotes and advice on getting that done and if it’s legal.

InTheRoseGarden · 10/04/2018 06:50

I think your best bet is to ignore him. He is clearly the type of person that feeds on conflict so things like solicitors' letters will just add fuel to the fire. Wait for him to lose interest and move on to someone / something else. Don't waste your energy on this.

ShiftyMcGifty · 10/04/2018 06:51

“But at least he couldn't freely wander round her property and take photos.”

Let’s not make up stuff, eh? The OP said a letter mentioned he took a photo of a van in the drive. Why could that photo not been taken from the public road?

He has also stated in letters he’s done site visits. He could be lying.

The OP doesn’t say she’s ever seen him on her property, unless I’ve misread?

ShiftyMcGifty · 10/04/2018 06:53

Not disagreeing about feeling watched with OP as he monitors visitors, but he could do that from his own property. The rest of his letters could be complete made up bullcrap.

MissBartlettsconscience · 10/04/2018 06:56

I wouldn't bother with a solicitors letter at the moment. It's most likely to wind him up more, and he can escalate it with court etc more easily than you can from the sounds of it.

CCTV is a good plan, and can you take any steps to close your drive off from the road - gate or something to make it absolutely clear on cctv that he's trespassing? If he isn't and is just making stuff up, you'd also be able to prove it.

Good luck, at least planning have the measure of him and while it's intrusive, they have processes in place to deal with all his complaints.

LeighaJ · 10/04/2018 07:00

"Monitored"

Also sometimes known as stalking. He sounds like a complete creep and he doesn't have the right to trespass on your property.

Did the previous owners not disclose disputes with him? A lot of times in house buying/selling the sellers are required to disclose any past or present neighbour disputes.

Bouledeneige · 10/04/2018 07:02

Much as getting a solicitors letter sounds satisfying I really wouldn't bother - I think it will escalate things and give him just what he wants - a cause to fight. It could get a lot worse.

So whiltst its annoying now I'd just ignore.

GreenTeek · 10/04/2018 07:06

I’d put a chair out for him next to the drive

And a sign which says:

“Offical Driveway Monitoring”

FluffyWhiteTowels · 10/04/2018 07:07

Did the previous owners declare any dispute with the neighbour in the sale documents?

Can't imagine why he has such a beef about your drives in such a rural setting unless there were trees chopped down or something in resurrecting the disused track into a drive which has adversely altered his view?

Sounds a horrid situation. Yes to CCTV.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 10/04/2018 07:09

Sorry this is happening to you OP.💐
Get some cameras installed, when you catch him, you can report to the Police, do him for continued harassment and trespass.
In the meantime, speak to a Solicitor.
Slowly slowly catchy Monkey.

ShiftyMcGifty · 10/04/2018 07:16

Out of curiosity ... and I’m just thinking out loud... how would she be able to submit any evidence of harassment to the police when she’s been completely unaware of his “monitoring” / harassment activities and has never actually seen or experienced them?

It’s only the letters and none of the correspondence is to her directly?

Just wondering if police could actually do anything at this point.

Sillybilly1234 · 10/04/2018 07:20

It sounds like he has admitted to it all in his letters. Use them against him when you speak to the police.

CCTV a great idea for more evidence.

InfiniteSheldon · 10/04/2018 07:23

I'd try and step back a bit from this, planning wise he's on a fast track to nowhere so cant affect you or your property in reality. If you get solicitors or police involved you are unlikely to stop him and risk escalating the situation and definitely costing yourself time and money. What he is doing is keeping you safe from burglars and home intruders, think of it like care-in-the-community whilst he's focussed pointlessly on you he's not annoying anyone else.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/04/2018 07:31

He sounds like my SFil. He was obsessed by one neighbour. If he was anything to go by then you ignore your neighbour he will continue as he is. But if you challenge him you will give him a new grievance, a new thing to chew on. He will escalate in retaliation, how very dare you, etc.

Nothing we could do stopped SFil, he was just set upon being a total twat. We did speak to one neighbour, to tell him that whilst we couldn't stop SFil we in no way agreed with or supported him, and would say so, loudly, as and when needed.

I hope you can live with ignoring him. I know we found SFil unnerving and outrageous!