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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel like I'm being harassed by my neighbour?

143 replies

Greypaw · 09/04/2018 22:42

I live in the arse-end of nowhere, in a tiny hamlet of about ten houses. It's very rural, and the houses are mainly old farm buildings that were converted long ago. My house has been here for about 150 years on the edge of the hamlet, and there is a bit of land in front of it, which is essentially my front garden. I have one drive which goes from the road, through my front garden to the side of the house, and another drive that goes from the road to the back of the house.

A few houses away from mine is the house of a guy who has a history of making complaints about my property. This predates me living here, and I have paperwork that shows him doing this on several occasions over the years. Since I moved here I've kept my head well down. None of my property borders his. He has one small window overlooking a miniscule part of the drive through my back garden, but that's it - the rest of the property and gardens he can't see.

However he's taken to writing complaints to the council about my property, and has been involving people from nearby villages in these communications. These seem to focus on alleged breaches of planning rules. He seems to like doing this as when I looked on the local planning site for this hamlet, there were quite a few letters from him objecting to one thing or another, but at the moment he seems to have a real bee in his bonnet about my front garden and driveway.

About three or four years ago (before I bought the place), it seems he claimed my drive had been installed without permission, but the case was closed with no further action to be taken. I think this is because it's sited on an old farm track that was always used to access parts of the property, so wasn't new, but had fallen into disuse, become overgrown and wasn't visible except for the dropped kerb. The previous owners then resurfaced it which is when he complained. After that it went quiet (at least on that issue - he was feuding with other neighbours during that time), but over the last six months he's really been going for it with this drive, collecting evidence etc. It's the range of things he's done that's made me feel harassed. In brief, these are what those things are, and the only reason I know about them is because he's written to the council listing all this stuff:

  • Conducted several "site visits" along with other people locally to ask their opinion and get them to write to the council too (there is no footpath outside the house and the road is a very busy national speed limit road, so he'd have to come into my front garden to do this). I had no knowledge that these had taken place.
  • Monitored my use of both my drives to see how often I use each one (I have no idea how he can do this with the front drive as there is no way he can see it).
  • Monitored who comes and goes over my front garden drive, in terms of whether they are workmen, residents, visitors etc.
  • Stated he has seen vans queuing on the drive to get on the property, creating a danger on the highway (this isn't true, but he's taken a photo of a workman's van that was parked on the drive to "prove" it)
  • Tracked down the owner of the house from over 50 years ago to ask them to write a letter stating whether the drive was there then.
  • Stated the drive is too confusing for visitors who often take the wrong turning in trying to find my property (how would he know this? How?)

All these things he's put in letters to the council, and urged others in nearby villages to do the same. I know he's also talked to the residents of the hamlet to tell them my drive is illegal and try to get them involved (they have declined)

For my part, I've had a site visit from the council and been told everything is fine, but he's still going.

I know it's fine to raise an issue with the council if he's worried about something, but AIBU to feel harassed at this level of surveillance and reporting?

OP posts:
MrsUnderwood · 10/04/2018 08:52

No personal experience but there’s a chapter about this kind of behaviour in The Gift of Fear. Do not engage with this man, ignore him. He wants conflict, don’t give it to him.

YoThePussy · 10/04/2018 08:53

I know someone similar to your neighbour OP. He has a history of vendettas against different people all of which have escalated. Nothing stops him, he has been arrested on several occasions, sent to prison, banned from various local societies and pubs. No restraining order on his stalker behaviour works. His victims include neighbours, the local church, trustees of charities. When challenged he has extended his war to include the police force and government officials. He is highly intelligent and enjoys the battles immensely, will accost anyone he knows in the street to update them.

I would agree with the CCTV if you think will help your feeling of safety but if you can bear to ignore him do so.

I heard of another batshit person who hated her neighbours and used to regularly drop her knickers in their front garden and wiggle her bare bottom at the windows. She was sectioned I believe.

chocolatesun · 10/04/2018 08:56

Be wary of a solicitor's letter. He sounds crazy enough that it won't intimidate him and it will add fuel to the fire. These types of disputes can cost a fortune in fees with not much progress to be made. I have experience of that side of things and suggest you avoid it until there really is a need.

chocolatesun · 10/04/2018 08:56

Direct engagement with the council sounds like a good plan.

FluffyWuffy100 · 10/04/2018 09:01

Don’t engage at all. He is a nut job who wants conflict. Don’t give it to him.

SoupDragon · 10/04/2018 09:02

Does the track show up on historical imagery on google earth? That would at least prove there’s always been access.

Fluffycloudland77 · 10/04/2018 09:04

I wouldn’t go legal on this, he’ll love that and it’ll cost you loads of money.

Ignore him, the neighbours probably dread seeing him & know he’s a bit odd.

He can’t live forever either. I always console myself with this thought when dealing with people like this.

Gatehouse77 · 10/04/2018 09:05

I completely understand the feeling of being harassed.
However, whilst I'd be finding out if he was doing anything 'wrong' I would avoid any direct contact with him and not engage in detailed conversations with anyone in the hamlet.

He clearly loves attention - don't give him any!

Fluffycloudland77 · 10/04/2018 09:06

Really it’s planning and neighbours he’s harrassing, not you.

AgathaF · 10/04/2018 09:10

I don't think I'd send a solicitor's letter as that gives him an opening to do the same back, and that may well escalate.

Maybe speak to the police (101 number) to ask if they can send someone round to have a word with him about his peeping tom behaviours. Tell them it's making you uncomfortable and fearful. You could also ask the council for advice as he is so persistent with his complaints to them. They may have a policy in place to deal with this sort of thing, to protect innocent residents.

He's a bully. A bored one at that.

Shadow666 · 10/04/2018 09:10

I agree with the others, keep ignoring him. He will eventually give up and move onto some new victim. Absolutely don’t engage with him.

CCTV is a great idea for peace of mind.

EthelHornsby · 10/04/2018 09:12

If you ever want to sell your house, you will have to declare disputes with neighbours - a solicitors letter would probably come under this heading. I would ignore him if at all possible

GreenItWas · 10/04/2018 09:12

I can't be alone in that I would be out there naked at the first opportunity?

I don't wish to make light of your situation but for sure I would be assuming he had a camera trained on my place so would be giving him something to look at big time!

Don't engage with the crazy OP (apart from the naked thing Grin )

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 10/04/2018 09:17

I wouldn’t do anything. Ignore him completely and his vendetta. Nothing official is going to result from it anyway. Remember when you do come to sell, neighbour disputes have to be declared, so if you escalate this, be aware.

At the moment he’s a problem for other people, don’t let him become your problem too.

CrawfordE · 10/04/2018 09:18

Provided he isn't contacting you directly, I'd say just to ignore him and let him waste his time. Clearly he has too much time on his hands and wants to find problems where none exist.

If he starts harassing you directly then I would get your solicitor to send a letter, that should make him back off. We had a similar problem with a neighbor when we had the entrance pillars redone (despite gaining all required permission first), a strongly worded letter from our solicitor sorted that out quickly!

youarenotkiddingme · 10/04/2018 09:22

Gosh what a dickhead Shock

He clearly has too much time and money to throw away and a personality that causes him to have an inflated sense of ego.

I agree with above advice about engaging directly with council to limit the legal and emotional battles he would have with you - due to the effect it has on you.

Mookatron · 10/04/2018 09:22

I knew one of these. An easier situation because it was party wall related (so resolved in the end). However this obsession with legal action is deeply passive aggressive and I reckon he is afraid of direct engagement with you.

I was unfailingly polite to my neighbour but I really, really REALLY wish I had gone round and just confronted him and told him in person to STOP. There is no need to be aggressive or rude in words or demeanour. But I think direct and assertive not-taking-any-shit is probably the best way to go in terms of getting him to stop and making yourself feel more powerful.

A scary prospect though I give you.

DaphneduM · 10/04/2018 09:25

Hold onto the fact that as far as officialdom goes, your house contravenes absolutely no planning law and therefore there is absolutely nothing for you to worry about. As others have said, I would suggest the best course of action is to do absolutely nothing. These type of people thrive on conflict, but by his previous history it doesn't sound as though he's an actual physical danger to anyone. He will love it if you put up cctv, because he will interpret that as a reaction from you. We live near such a sad individual, and the amount of police and council time he has wasted must he huge. But his vendettas include so many different people, he always moves on to someone else. Don't engage - hard as it may be.

zzzzz · 10/04/2018 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ebeneser · 10/04/2018 09:30

I'd agree with other posters who mentioned getting CCTV.
Don't engage him, but log anything that he does that could be considered harassment/stalking/bullying etc. That way hopefully you can build up a timeline and profile.
It might be possible that he gives you enough evidence to get a restraining order out against him, especially if he's prowling around your property without your consent on a regular basis.

TheViceOfReason · 10/04/2018 09:37

Another who says do nothing. Any reaction from you will be fuel and feel gratifying to him. If you see him say a cheery hello then carry on your way.

QueenOfAccidentalDeathStares · 10/04/2018 09:51

what i would actually do :
cctv and solictors advice (just to know where you stand, and at what point should you do more). btw. you can get battery operated wildlife cameras to monitor the end of your drive way.

what i would want to do: ask all friends to visit wearing a hi-vis jacket and bring a clipboard - give them a nice tour of your garden. or get some strategically placed mooning gnomes.

LizzieDarcy1907 · 10/04/2018 09:52

I would ignore completely. Once you start engaging with nutters people like this, you will only be throwing petrol onto the fire. He clearly has nothing else going on in his life to be this obsessed.

CrispyCrackers · 10/04/2018 09:53

Really it’s planning and neighbours he’s harrassing, not you.

I agree.

TomRavenscroft · 10/04/2018 09:56

I'd definitely talk to a solicitor, maybe just a quick free chat in which they could give you some idea of what if any case and costs you might be looking at.

Also put up cctv and then if he comes on to your property you'll have evidence.

I'd log anything and everything that could be construed as harassment/intimidation too.

He doesn't, at least, seem to be damaging your relationships with your neighbours –it sounds like everyone has got his number.

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