Posting here for traffic.
Been with husband for almost 16 years . Married nearly 7. Have 4 children . He's always been a drinker and over the years it's caused all sorts of problems. Losing driving licence, violence , verbal abuse and all sorts. All of this aimed at me not the children. Last time he physically laid hands on me was 7 years ago. So nothing recent although he's got in my face a few times in argument. I have never been much of a drinker but as a result of living with one i don't keep drink at home. Don't drink with him on the rare occasion we go out. I don't like my children around alcohol even in a social setting .
When we first met I was young and didn't have a huge network of friends . As I have got older that's changed mainly through a hobby I have . My children sometimes accompany me. Other times I go on my own with friends for the social side afterwards of a few drinks or a meal and a chat etc. This is something he doesn't like. Caused no end of rows and arguments . He's slagged me off to his family over it. Criticizing me as a parent. Saying j am out too much. For the record I do my hobby once a week or fortnight and it doesn't run all year either. This is the only time he would have the children to look after on his own. I cook , clean, do all household duties. Get up with them in the night and so on. For years and years his social outlet was the pub which could be sprung on me at shirt notice. IE. When I was stood with a dinner ready waiting for him to come home and he had decided to detour to the nearest pub. Having small babies in arms or me being pregnant made not one jot of difference to him doing this . But when it's me having an outlet I am deemed to be in the wrong.
He stopped drinking last august after a particularly difficult summer at which time i told him to leave and he was looking for a flat to rent elsewhere. Barring one blip he hadn't touched a drop. This was going from him drinking 6 cans a night every night .
Now all my children are at school full time I want to go back to work. I have applied for a job I have always wanted to do . Passed the online assessments and the training days. This has involved me having to being the gym for months to meet the fitness for it. I am a month or so away from entering vetting. My assessment scores were excellent and there is no doubt I would be good at the job. However the training will involve being on a 10 week residential training course in the north of the country. Only coming home at weekends. The job will involve shifts over 7 days a week / 24 hrs/ 365 days a year rota and it's also a high stress job which carries a degree of responsibility and will leave me unable to contact people during the working day. This was all fine with us due to the stopping of drinking.
However this weekend I went away with a group of friends for two nights. Grandparents had the children on the first night. Husband had them the second night. Turns out he took them to the park in the afternoon and sat there drinking and getting himself pissed up in public view. He rung me up in the evening and as soon as I heard his voice the bottom fell out of my world. I was so upset by the state of him and panic washed over me I went back to my hotel and barring something to eat remained in my room all evening as I wasn't up to going out and being sociable with the worry of what he was doing in my mind.
I now face having to give up and withdraw my application for the career I want. I don't have family help other than my mum who lives an hour's drive away and has health issues. She cannot be my childcare across those sort of working rotas. A childminder can't cover me on night shifts and the length of day shifts etc. I have emailed today and asked how the work life balance works and it's something I have to apply for after the 10 week training course and it's subject to a board agreeing to it . So in short I don't know if I can guarantee it. I feel absolutely trapped. In a panic and I feel sick to be honest. I feel ashamed. I cried down the phone to my mum about it this morning.
Please someone talk to me, hold my hand and help me . I feel so alone 😖