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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another child at nursery hit mine...AIBU

114 replies

happygirlie18 · 09/04/2018 09:11

So I posted a few weeks ago about my DD moving rooms at nursery and being bitten on her first settling session by another child. I was angry at the time and spoke to the managers about who informed me that they were aware it wasn't an isolated incident and were taking steps to manage this.

Since that incident a few weeks ago we haven't heard anything else, but there have also been no other problems and DD has had other settling sessions in the new room.

This morning was her first day in the new room. She was understandably a little unsettled as it was new people and new key workers but she eventually sat at the table with some her of her little friends that she knows from the morning when we all wait in reception.... and out of nowhere the same child who bit her the other week came running over to her to hit her! His arm was raised and he had started swinging his arm when I saw this and just about managed to get her out of the way! The other childs mum was there who then grabbed him away and apologised to me.

I took DD out of the room and went straight down to the managers office and asked her to put DD back in her old room for the day and have asked for something to be done. I no longer feel that my child is safe in that room if this other child is going to randomly attack DD who wasn't doing anything to him.

I'm not sure what can be done but I no longer feel comfortable leaving DD in the same room as this other child!

OP posts:
PoniesandProsecco · 09/04/2018 09:14

I think you're being a bit precious and difficult tbh, it's probably not that easy for the staff to keep swapping your child from room to room.
The naughty child will be being dealt with I'm sure. I think it's just bad luck that your DD has been the brunt of it

Palegreenstars · 09/04/2018 09:17

Was the bite hard? Kids in the baby room bite sometimes - teething etc. If she had friends to go up with I think you are overreacting and it will be more stressful for her to stay in the little room

MrsJayy · 09/04/2018 09:18

Clearly these children are toddlers and sometimes they don't know how to behave the mum apologised the nursery are aware of him what else do you want to happen ?

Allthewaves · 09/04/2018 09:18

If this is daycare why are all the parents in the new room. Surely this makes transition more a drama and unsettles the kids even more.

elQuintoConyo · 09/04/2018 09:18

Let the nursery deal with it. They are babies still, that's what little ones do. The other mother's reaction was good, she knows what's going on.

What have the nursery said their plan of action is?

notsohippychick · 09/04/2018 09:18

Unfortunately this does happen. It happened to my child where he was bitten twice in the ear. The nursery dealt with and I felt ok with that. At the time I was upset that my child was hurt but I do think it’s somerhjng that happens. If the nursery are aware of it that’s fine and they are taking steps to manage it.

There is always a risk of this happening in any setting. Also at school. Unfortunately you can’t move your child every time it happens. You need to trust the setting to deal with it.

The mother apologised and probably feels awful. She may be having a rough time with her child. Indeed there is no excuse for hitting but if this was an everyday occupancy I would start to worry.

planetsweet · 09/04/2018 09:19

"The naughty child will be being dealt with I'm sure."

It wasn't at our nursery. The parents of bullied children (including myself) were advised to change sessions to keep away from the bully.

At least two of us have it in writing that our children weren't bullied even though the children themselves reported it and another child witnessed it and told their parents (who told us). It wasn't until I and the other parent saw it for ourselves (like the OP) and demanded that something be done that we were told to change sessions.

Nothing "precious" about trying to stop someone physically abusing your child.

notsohippychick · 09/04/2018 09:20

occurance

GreySkiesAboveMe · 09/04/2018 09:20

Is she your first?

notsohippychick · 09/04/2018 09:21

Bullying and physically abusing are strong words for toddlers??? Blimey.

Original poster
happygirlie18 · 09/04/2018 09:21

The original bite broke through the skin through a long sleeved top and a vest top she had on underneath so yes it was hard.

The same child has apparently also bitten another child every day for over 2 weeks and they are now under instructions to be kept apart.

I know I may have over reacted slightly, I do fully admit this, and if the children had been having an argument over a toy etc I could understand the frustration, but I was slightly shocked that the child ran from the other side of the room with what looked like the sole intention of hitting my DD.

The parents were in the room this morning as it was drop off time and we were signing them in.

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 09/04/2018 09:21

How do you know this particular child bit yours - surely they shouldn't have told you.

Secondly it's been weeks since biting incident and it's a whole bunch of toddlers. I think a childminder would be a better option for you

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 09/04/2018 09:21

I saw this and just about managed to get her out of the way!

So he didn't actually hit her, he just tried to?

YABU. They are teeny tiny children who are still very much in the learning-about-their-bodies stage. They sometimes bite, they sometimes hit, they sometimes snatch and you cannot possibly be this precious about your child for the rest of her life. Nursery are on top of it, the other Mother is on top of it, if you make complaints about things which almost happened you're going to spend the rest of your life complaining.

planetsweet · 09/04/2018 09:22

Meant to say, we refused to take "change sessions" as a solution. We left the nursery. We then got an email saying "all the children" would be spoken to. Why? There was one bully. Why should they all be told?

RavenWings · 09/04/2018 09:22

You're being overly precious - toddlers do that. Just wait until yours starts reenacting Jaws. The staff know about it and are working on it, but they won't discuss another child's needs with you (which is right) and they aren't going to put the other child in a straightjacket to appease you.

LML83 · 09/04/2018 09:22

they are aware the toddler hits and likely supervising him more. If you trust the staff are doing that I would leave her. Maybe be more vigilant in the reception area and ready to block if he hits DD when you are there. Parent intervened and apologised. Not sure what else can be done.

Keeping her in the younger room isn't a good solution for your child in the longer term.

Allthewaves · 09/04/2018 09:23

The same child has apparently also bitten another child every day for over 2 weeks and they are now under instructions to be kept apart.

It's this kind of gossip that starts hate campaigns by other parents

Killybashangel · 09/04/2018 09:24

I don't agree that it's precious and difficult to not want your child at risk of being bitten and hit. It's normal. Ask them if they are going to be able to keep her safe.

ROO158 · 09/04/2018 09:25

My daughter was bitten 3 times in a few weeks, after the 2nd time I asked she be kept away from the biter but not in separate rooms, in the same room but different key worker. The 3rd time they moved rooms up to the toddler room anyway but they were in 2 separate groups which was fine. She has been hit several times by other children and she may hit other children, I don't know. A parent apologised to me a few days ago as her Son had kicked my daughter when she was trying to cuddle him as he was crying, I shrugged it off. They are kids, this is going to happen!! God forbid the day your child hits another...

MrsJayy · 09/04/2018 09:26

It isn't precious to not want your child hurt but you to need to take a deep breath and deal with it logically.

Sleepyblueocean · 09/04/2018 09:26

planetsweet nursery age children aren't bullies.

planetsweet · 09/04/2018 09:28

Sleepyblueocean Nursery's word, not mine.

Laiste · 09/04/2018 09:29

Great big groups of toddlers can't be controlled the way you'd control a a couple of kids on a play date. It's the nature of the thing really. I wouldn't like it.

YellowFlower201 · 09/04/2018 09:32

Keeping your child in the baby room is not a good solution. She'll be bored stiff. He didn't actually hit her on this occasion as you intervened. I appreciate this is the second time this has happened so you're obviously concerned, but toddlers do random things and this is one of them. Your nursery are not doing anyone a favour by telling parents who is biting/hitting whom.

Killybashangel · 09/04/2018 09:32

I don't think you are being pfb. Mine are 11 and 13. Eldest at the local comp and I'd have been wanting assurances they were going to be safe in this situation.

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