I fat shamed my colleague

[Notmyname2018]

I fat shamed a colleague and I feel bad about it.

She was loudly talking over lunch last week about how she loves being curvy and would much rather be curvey than skinny. I said that I liked being curvy too - she then laughed at me and said you aren’t curvy you’re a ‘skinny thing’. I replied and said I am curvy, I’m a healthy weight, that doesn’t mean I’m not curvy. Curves are about boobs and bum being shapely with a small waist. She then finished her lunch and walked out the lunch room.

To put it in context I’m a size 10, and I work hard in the gym for my curves. She’s a size 18/20 and is constantly eating at her desk, I’d say on average she eats something every 5 minutes (it’s really irritating I admit).

I feel bad because I have upset her but it was a moment of annoyance because she called me a ‘skinny thing’ (in a horrible tone).

Should I apologise or just leave it and try not to engage in this sort of discussion again?

Ps I’ve namechanged.

@magpiemagpie I didn’t click on the link, I was looking at the picture of the two women embedded in the post. Neither of them look overweight to me.

And according to the nhs website 7.5st is underweight for someone 5ft 5in - so perhaps you don’t know what a healthy weight looks like either.

She was fishing for a compliment and you knocked the wind out of her sails.

If it had gone

Her: oh, I love being curvy
OP: Yes, you look lovely

None of this would have happened but you wanted to make a point that she wasn't curvy, she was fat.

So yeah, good luck with that, that's going to be an awkward week, minimum.

I wish you were my friend OP.

You sound lovely.

And that is one unfortunate example Yolo.

I don't know why some people can not just take a proper break, get up, eat in the lunchroom, then wash their hands!

Not everyone works in an office with a staff room Iceweasel. I don't. We have to eat at desks, unless the weather is nice enough to take our lunch to the park a few minutes walk away. Which is rare.

I've been skinny shamed before... it can make you feel self conscious. At a restaurant, I family of morbidly obese people kept commenting on my weight. When I walked by one said my legs looked like disgusting matchsticks. It really destroyed my confidence that night and I wish I had said something. So fat shaming or skinny shaming are both equally rude!

Serenadipity
Sorry I thought you had seen the pictures of the model Gabby Fresh
And my mistake its 7.13 -10-11 is the range of that models ideal weight ( I need to go to spec savers )

Fair enough Magpiemagpie. Gabby Fresh is overweight. But good for her if she feels happy in her skin.

I'd be plotting her assassination. Crisp eating noises are the pits.

I haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say how much I hate the whole 'curvy' and 'skinny' comments and deliberately don't use either. IMO, both are used against slim women. Curvy is mostly used to describe fat women and suggests they are healthy and attractive in a way a slim woman can't be because they can't have those 'curves'. And skinny is often used instead of the far more flattering and truthful word slim, when in fact it means underweight. I am yet to meet anyone described as skinny to be anything less than slim. It's just deliberately derogatory. And I say this as a fat woman myself. Not curvy. Fat.

Back to the op, I don't think what you said was bad and I wouldn't give it a second thought.

There's nothing complimentary about "skinny thing". Thing is not a compliment. Skinny is not a synonym of slim, it implies underweight, skin and bones, being unhealthy.

OP did not start the direction of this undignified exchange. The other woman has made it directly personal at OP's expense and exposed her own insecurities in the process.

Either way in this day and age you just have to be careful what you say as it could offend anyone and everyone.

Personally I would have humoured her. It’s no fun being a size 22 and I suppose she was trying to put a brave face on.

You are a svelte size ten and whilst every female (by your definition) has curves - was it really necessary to highlight it at that moment in time?

Probably not.

So

Yabu

If skinny is never meant in a complimentary way why are skinny jeans called that?

Skinny used to be a derogative term meaning underweight. It has been hijacked to be used as a compliment - there's even fodd brands and diet books entitled Skinny Cow, Skinny Diet etc. Skinny is now something to strive for.
I don't like the word, i prefer slim.

Curvy is a euphemism usually used by very overweight people to make them feel better about themselves. It fools no one. Not even them.

I'm 5 "8 I'm a size 14 on the bottom and 16 on top - I'm.not thin. I'm not fat. I'm curvy

No to fat shaming.
No to skinny shaming.
But also no to 'healthy/unhealthy shaming.' Because it is tiresome when people use the sanctimonious but it's unhealthy excuse to justify judging someone else.
15-20% of obese people show no health problems due to being obese. And that's obese not just overweight. A study in Denmark showed that those who were classes as overweight were more likely to live longer than those in the 'healthy' range. www.theguardian.com/science/2016/dec/21/three-genes-could-explain-why-some-people-are-obese-but-healthy-say-scientists
More than half of obese workers were found to be fat and healthy
www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-3517497/Can-obese-healthy-Apparently-don-t-bad-habits.html
I have absolutely no problem with anyone saying, I live my life like this to be healthy. But I have big problems with people judging how someone else lives their life. Full stop.
My dad was advised to smoke by his GP for the good of his chest. I was advised to put my babies to sleep on their fronts to prevent cot death and was told I was underfeeding my daughter because the health visitors at the time were using weight charts based on bottle-fed babies and mine were breast fed. So actually sometimes people are right to ignore official advice, and it is certainly their choice either way.
Oh then there's the chestnut that all these greedy, obese people cost the NHS money if they get unhealthy. Well so do people who go to the gym and drop the sodding dumbell on their feet or roll up with other sports injuries but we don't blame them do we?

You would hate me. I eat all morning in my open plan office! I can't concentrate if I don't! I don't eat much in the evening in the week.

Would you be less annoyed by it because I'm a size 10 person doing the eating?

you feel bad because you are a nice person but fact is she was shading you calling you skinny which you obviously found insulting I say she gave as good as she gor

I would be happy if someone called me skinny. Sounds like she irks you. I would justvleVe it and act like nothing happened. You may make it worse if you apologise etc. Take in some snacks and share them with her and just get on.

I’d leave it and not engage with her. If she’s so confident about her size, she wouldn’t be upset by your statement of fact. Curvy can be in more than one body shape or size. Some larger women have curves (ex Ashley Graham), some lean women do (Serena Williams), even skinny ones (ex Candace Swanepoel) Some lean and skinny are ruler shaped, and some people are so obese/heavy their bodies are distorted out of their body’s natural shape.

She also seemed like she was taking a dig at you, she said she would much rather be “curvy” than skinny. Which itself isn’t a dig, it’s the context and that she insisted you’re not curvy but skinny, the very thing she oh so would not want to be.

She doesn’t seem so secure about herself to me. Pushing down others to raise one’s self up is what she did. Don’t apologize.

The collegue's definition of curvy was overweight and voluptuous. Op didn't fit her image of curvy hence you skinny thing.

Is this really skinny shaming. Christ.

Op was making a clear dig.

The eating thing is annoying but the collegue was obviously not being rude intentionally.

Being called skinny/slim/thin is not the same as fat.

blackteasplease

You would hate me. I eat all morning in my open plan office! I can't concentrate if I don't! I don't eat much in the evening in the week.

Would you be less annoyed by it because I'm a size 10 person doing the eating?

This.

“15-20% of obese people show no health problems due to being obese”

So does that mean 80-85% do have health problems? I’d rather not take those odds.

People who are confident about their body don’t usually talk about their or anyone’s body at work!

Curvy is more to do with your shape than size imo. Hourglass or even pear shapes are quite curvy whether size 10 or 18. I had a history teacher in secondary school that I would have described as curvy. She had the biggest arse I have ever seen in my life (stomped all over the Kardashians) and it was only because of that she was likely a size 18/20 on her bottom. The rest of her was slim. If you are just fat and round all over then yeah, that doesn’t constitute as curvy. Curves are generally about having a smaller waist and going out at the hips imo.

The constant eating would piss me off. I am currently ten weeks pregnant and if I don’t eat often I feel like hurling but I wouldn’t sit munching through stinky and noisy crisps at work.

I think she was more in the wrong than you tbh. She shouldn’t be arguing against you feeling curvy and referring to you as a ‘skinny thing’.

I bet she’s one of fhere people who bring cakes and sweets to the office every day to try to ‘skinny shame’ people who wom’t eat then too.