I fat shamed my colleague

[Notmyname2018]

I fat shamed a colleague and I feel bad about it.

She was loudly talking over lunch last week about how she loves being curvy and would much rather be curvey than skinny. I said that I liked being curvy too - she then laughed at me and said you aren’t curvy you’re a ‘skinny thing’. I replied and said I am curvy, I’m a healthy weight, that doesn’t mean I’m not curvy. Curves are about boobs and bum being shapely with a small waist. She then finished her lunch and walked out the lunch room.

To put it in context I’m a size 10, and I work hard in the gym for my curves. She’s a size 18/20 and is constantly eating at her desk, I’d say on average she eats something every 5 minutes (it’s really irritating I admit).

I feel bad because I have upset her but it was a moment of annoyance because she called me a ‘skinny thing’ (in a horrible tone).

Should I apologise or just leave it and try not to engage in this sort of discussion again?

Ps I’ve namechanged.

@EveningHare in my opinion only the woman with the stripes is curvy.

I’m surprised by all the comments saying you did nothing wrong.

You were not skinny-shamed. You have a healthy curvy body. Your body is societally highly prized. You pointed out this fact and heavily implied that her body was not of the value she was attempting to give herself. Body acceptance is hard-won. She may have worked hard to accept herself just as you have worked hard at the gym.

You visibly hurt her feelings. You say she irritated you but I think she came off worse here. You don’t have to like each other but leave personal comments about appearance at the door, it’s just unkind.

Emma198 I don’t really see how the OP is “lucky enough to be skinny”. I thought we’d already established that she doesn’t eat all the time like her colleague does.

@RebelRogue i'd do anything to look like either of those women, except diet and exercise...

i think they both look amazing

I wouldn't say a size 10 is curvy, it just isn't.

I am a curvy size 8. I have an hourglass figure, small waist, big boobs and hips. No idea what my waist/hip measurements are, but I have a 30E chest. My body shape is what makes me curvy, not my dress size.

Oppps sounds like she doesn't love her curves as much as she'd have everyone believe.

Well said angie!
Don't apologise in the slightest...
She called you a "skinny thing" which is a direct insult to you. You didn't actually say "fat thing" to her.
People seem to think it's ok to called slim people "skinny"'when it really isn't.

Pengggwyn

Can only speak from personal experience but when I was younger people did absolutely laugh at me. I hated the summer and would always wear long sleeves and trousers to hide my skinniness as people would point & laugh at my knobbly knees and elbows. I got slapped across the forehead once by a complete stranger who yelled in my face “alright anorexic” and was constantly asked if I had an eating disorder.

I have recently lost a lot of weight due to health problems & it’s all started up again. However when I was what was presumably a socially acceptable weight (a bit overweight tbh), no one ever commented either way, certainly no one said “great figure Degu”

So yes, I do believe that people think they have a free pass to be rude to skinny people and constant weight comments can be as damaging to that person’s self esteem as those to an overweight person.

In that situation the only acceptable response is noncommittal nodding. If you're concerned about her stance on her weight then bring it up directly with her. Hmm. No wait. Of course you won't.

@Connebert sorry if my post wasn't clear, I meant in the other woman's eyes. It makes sense if you read in conjunction with the rest of my post. And didn't I say slim?

So right Degu. Really annoys me.

@EveningHare same here

I didn't say the don't look amazing,just that in my eyes only the one on the right is curvy.

The plus size model isn't curvy either. She's fat. She's also pretty awesome herself and really pretty (and. Fucking confident!!)

In that situation the only acceptable response is noncommittal nodding

Why? Would you say the same if the op had been the one saying how she loves to be fit and would hate to be fat loudly in front of this woman as they ate lunch?. You think the overweight woman should also just non commital nod if the situation was reversed?

Don't get me wrong. I would just non commital nod, but I also have no issue with the op defending herself or even retaliating and think the woman should expect to be called out on it.

@RebelRogue i agree, the plus size lady is very pretty, but she is also overweight, and its great that she is confident to model (and i am not saying she shouldnt) however, its not healthy its not something to aspire to

Fuck her. She started it. You may have been insensitive but no point in backtracking now. Anything you say is likely to make thinks worse. I’d just style it out as you didn’t really do anything wrong. Just return fire to someone who can’t cope with an equal and opposite response. You’re relationship is dead and couldn’t be arsed with someone shouting I’m so pleased I’m curvy and and not skinny. Ok right you are. Have fun

If the lady in the link that EveningHare posted is what people think is curvy no wonder we have an obesity epidemic looming
She's overweight not curvy

We have totally lost sight of what is actually overweight
When I personally think of curvy I think of a small defined waist , big boobs and hips and a flat stomach

Neither of those two women looks overweight to me. To say that only one of them looks acceptable and healthy is fucking unbelievable.

Yeah but everyone knows "curvy" is a euphemism

Curvy is )(

Not ()

I wouldn't say a size 10 is curvy, it just isn't.

I'm size 8 and I'm curvy.

THIS is what I consider to be curvy:

www.thesun.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/nintchdbpict000303028607.jpg?strip=all&w=588

Curvy is a bodyshape, not a body size. I'm a size 8. I'm curvy, just as I was when I was a size 16. I've been called 'scrawny', 'skinny', and 'straight up & down' since I lost weight (unintentionally).

Am I fuck. I still have the curves I've always had. Just in reduced sizes. Still can't get a fecking pair of trousers that fit waist/hips/arse/legs either.

I think it's important that we make sure every woman can learn to be confident within themselves and also be comfortable with their body shape or size, no matter what it may be.

@ serenadipity - They don't look overweight 😂.

Gabby Fresh or Greggs is 225lbd and 5ft 5 but that's not overweight
16 stone and 5ft 5 is obese
Her BMI is 37
Her ideal weight is anything from 7.5 -10.5
But nope she is not overweight.

This is exactly why we have such a obesity problem because no one seems to know what overweight looks like any more
When somene is 6 -9 stone potentially overweight but is seen as healthy something is wrong somewhere

degu

I agree with you 100% lots of people use to say to say to me ooooh you eat a lot and are still so skinny ( 5'11' and 8.5 stone ) I wish I could be like you ,.
i had a physically hard job at a stud yard , some would say ( mainly work mates ) I never stop eating ( imo a very stupid comment , NEVER ? WTF ) others would say I need to eat more .

Eat what you want , keep healthy , keep your vits etc and general heath in good order and STUFF everyone's onions

put it in context I’m a size 10, and I work hard in the gym for my curves. She’s a size 18/20 and is constantly eating at her desk, I’d say on average she eats something every 5 minutes (it’s really irritating I admit

Smug and bitchy

haven’t read the whole thread but you don’t sound very nice.
I agree with the poster that said the word curvy is often used by ladies who are overweight, but don’t want to describe themselves this way. And it fools no one.
But if you were thinking in your mind ‘you are fat not curvy’ as you said, you were just being unpleasant to pick up on what she was saying. You had your opinion you are curvy and she is fat.
Why not just ignore what she said and don’t engage with it?
Also in my experience people who boast about how hard they work and the fabulous outcomes (I go to the gym and work hard for my curves) are often self righteous and annoying.
Maybe she finds your boasting as annoying as you find her constant eating.