I fat shamed my colleague

[Notmyname2018]

I fat shamed a colleague and I feel bad about it.

She was loudly talking over lunch last week about how she loves being curvy and would much rather be curvey than skinny. I said that I liked being curvy too - she then laughed at me and said you aren’t curvy you’re a ‘skinny thing’. I replied and said I am curvy, I’m a healthy weight, that doesn’t mean I’m not curvy. Curves are about boobs and bum being shapely with a small waist. She then finished her lunch and walked out the lunch room.

To put it in context I’m a size 10, and I work hard in the gym for my curves. She’s a size 18/20 and is constantly eating at her desk, I’d say on average she eats something every 5 minutes (it’s really irritating I admit).

I feel bad because I have upset her but it was a moment of annoyance because she called me a ‘skinny thing’ (in a horrible tone).

Should I apologise or just leave it and try not to engage in this sort of discussion again?

Ps I’ve namechanged.

You shouldn't have engaged because you knew the passive aggressive conversation would upset her but would only annoy you. But I really can't blame you. If I was tired/in a bad mood I would have done the same tbh. She was being very rude. You let yourself down by sinking to her level but I bet it was satisfying.

Crispyturtle I think being called a Skinny thing is pretty insulting! I also hate when overweight women talk about being ‘real women’, implying that thin women aren’t 😡

A skinny thing is not an insult though. It might be an insult to someone underweight who struggles to keep their weight on and who gets that “ you’re too skinny “ rubbish. But to someone who’s a perfect size 10 it’s clearly not meant as an insult.

Just stop really this is so depressing.

No you shouldn't feel bad.
Fat shaming isn't nice but neither is skinny shaming

@slanetylor it is when one had just gone on and in about how one would hate to be skinny.

Welsh, you need to reread the ops posts, she didn't call her those things.

And constantly eating crisps at your desk is really friggen annoying, irrelevant of the size of rhe eater.

I usually sit in a closed office, but awhile ago I sat briefly at an open desk to do something, the tiny grad at the next desk was loudly crunching on crisps as I was trying to do some numbers, I had a deep urge to punch her one.

Constant eating/munching around you is highly irritating, I don't know how I have held my shit with my office mate over this in the past 12 months.
The new rodent problem that is only at her side of the office (and the kitchen, when my section of the office is between then kitchen and her side) hopefully will correct it, as she can't leave snacks available anymore.
The first day she removed the food the mice ate the plastics instead (the paper was already being used for a nest!

But the colleague was talking about liking being larger. What is surprising is that no one on here believes her.

That to me is says more about your views than hers.I have always been an Amazonion 16. Played rugby, loved having a presence.

I went down a few dress sizes to a 10 and bloody hated it. People kept referring to my height as well as weight, wasn't I small, " gosh, your're tiny now". I hated the feeling of being this fragile woman.

I don't buy this whole women need to be a size 10 to be truly happy shit. It's not true.

As said for me you don't sit in front of women and state how you love being your size and hate to be the size they are. It's rude. You don't get a free pass. When the op said said she also loved being curvy the woman should have been polite, she didn't, she came right back at her, told her she wasn't and she was skinny, the shape she said she'd hate To be. She deserved retaliation. Not special treatment because she's fat.

I'm not going to agree fat women can sit in front of other woman stating how they would hate to have bodies like them and everyone should just nod politely and say nothing.

YWNBU
You were right in your definition of what curvy truly means, it does NOT mean overweight as many people have adapted it to mean, just to make themselves feel better about how overweight and unhealthy they are.

I consider myself curvy (largish breasts and bum) when I'm at a healthy weight, but currently I need to lose slightly over a stone so I'm just overweight/fat.
She also shouldn't have tried to shame you on your weight just because it makes her feel better about her own

Penggwyn

Telling someone they are skinny IS as bad as saying someone is fat if the skinny person feels insecure about their body, after years of being told by family, friends and complete random strangers that their skinny body is not normal and there must be something wrong with them.

This woman had no right to be rude to the Op, who for all she knows has her own issues with her body image.

But the woman didn't say she would 'hate' to be slimmer. She said she would rather be the size she is than being smaller. Is that really so unbelievable? That she's just happier as she is?

Because surely she should be dieting and miserable and hating herself, right? How dare she EAT? And eat UNHEALTHY FOODS instead of snack on carrot sticks! For shame.

I'd like to drop to a 16, mainly toning up than any major weight loss. But offered the choice between being my current size, and a size 10, I'd stay as I am thanks. That's not skinny shaming, that's just actually liking myself.

I dont think you 'fat shamed' her. You just defended yourself when she made a remark about your body which is fair enough. No one should be making remarks about other peoples bodies. I do think fat shaming is a lot worse than 'skinny shaming' but neither thing should be going on and neither thing is polite. Its not like you actually commented on her weight even in defending yourself.

Degu

On an individual basis, maybe. Ok the basis of probability, we all know it is far more likely the fat woman feels worse about her body, because society is constantly telling her how she can (read should) lose weight, because the size 8 clothes are at the front and the the size 20 clothes are at the back, because no one gets laughed at walking down the street for being thin. We all know this.

Welsh, thus thread is not about you unless you're the woman?

It's not a case of not believing her. The issue is she said she'd rather be her size than the ops, and told the op she was skinny and not curvy. She'd no right to negatively comment on the ops body of dispute her view of it..

You do not negatively comment on people's bodies and you don't get a free pass to do so because your fat.

@Welshmaenad well if the woman is happy as she is, that's great. She owns it and she has no reason to be sad or upset or fat shamed.

@Pengggwn but it's not on to bring yourself up by putting others down. OP is not the embodiment of the media,the diet industry etc. She's an individual that when she expressed. Gow she felt about her body,keeping with the conversation got shut down.

No one size owns "curvy".

curvy is now what larger people call themselves (i'm a 16 so on the comfortable side myself)

The famous plus-size blogger teamed up with Playful Promises to help us celebrate our curves in a very sexy way!
www.essence.com/fashion/gabi-fresh-plus-size-lingerie-line
is this curvy or overweight? - but then if this isnt curvy, what is? is the attached what curvy is?

its like feisty now being used for 'i dont give a shit what you think, i'm right and i say what i think and have no filter and if you dont like it then fuck off"

Flying bird, what you're doing is giving the overweight lady a pass. You're saying she was just tactless and self absorbed in negatively commenting on the ops body, where as the op, who didn't even comment on the woman's body, you're crucifying and saying she was offensive by simply defending herself as curvy and saying why she thought that.

For the record I wouldn't have engaged either though. Because it's pointless.

What is one persons body shape is sod all to do with anyone else , as a teenage and in to my early 20s a lot of people inc family and close friends commented on my weight saying I should be more careful of what I eat and that my weight is not good for me .

Oh you want to know how much I weighed ?

. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . ... . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . .. . . . .

why what difference does it make to you ?

. .. .. .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... . . . . .. . . ............................ . . . . . . ................................................................................................. . . . . . . . . .. . .. . . . .

Ok So you really want to know

. . . . . . . . . . . . . ..

. . . . . .. .

I was 8.5 stone and ( still ) 5'11'

,, , ,,, ,,,,, ,,, ,, ,,,,, , ,

my job was physically very demanding ( I worked at a stud and livery yard )
generally i was up at 4 am brecky was 3/4 egg omelette with lots of veg or porridge with maple syrup , lunch would be 6 rounds of butties with a proper filling ( home made / cooked ) or left over stew . Dinner stew / soup/ curry / pasta all with lots of veg or bread . supper , crisps or cheese or beans on toast or buttie bed time at 9 ish I had lots of snack in between , apples , oranges, chocolate, crisps. pot noodles on cold days veggie sticks and high calorific dips on warmer days.

I was told lots of times I was to skinny and I should eat more !
been told you are skinny can be just as hurtful as been told you are fat .

do you still think you have a opinion to what I look like

Let us know how it goes OP

@Angie169 Are you ok?