To have just lost my shit with my family.

[EphraimLevi]

Aaaargh it’s the holidays. Two teens and a 6yo, and DH.

DH had last week off and while it’s been lovely to have him here, he is just adding to the chaos. None of them pick up after themselves. I’m a SAHM so I’m normally happy to do everything, but they are just carrying on as normal even though they’re all here all day.

Earlier I said to DH that dinner was in 10 minutes, he took that as his cue to go into the garage ‘for ten minutes’. I ended up having to assemble dinner, clear the piles of other people’s crap off the table, lay the table, let the dog out and empty the bin because everyone else had fucked off. I was shouting for help through all this, not just being a martyr, and got replies of ‘just a sec!’.

I mentioned at the table that this wasn’t on, from anybody, that when I say dinner is soon that’s generally a cue to get things ready. Also that I was sick of picking up after everybody, especially as they’re here all day. DH looked pained (hates criticism) and DS nitpicked about none of it being his.

DD then complained that I’d had more lamb than her (I hadn’t), DH dealt with this by dumping his lamb on her plate. I said that wasn’t very fair, as I’d spent most of the day marinating, slow cooking, shredding and making flatbreads and he was basically going without to make his point. The rest of dinner was then a sulky, tense affair from all sides.

It’s DD’s day to wash up which she has only just ‘finished’. It’s taken an hour because she’s been coming in both doors to the front room (leaving both open) to wind the 6yo up, ask questions and generally procrastinate. I’ve just been out to the kitchen and although she’s unstacked the dishwasher she’s left all the clean stuff out on the side, the worktops are filthy and the table is unwiped.

I went upstairs to tell her to come down and nearly tripped over DS1’s clean washing basket which is still outside his room since I gave it to him this morning. Ds2’s room is utterly destroyed and I said ‘oh for fuck’s sake, I’ve only just tidied it’ and DH helpfully piped up that ‘we’ could both tidy it tomorrow.

I think I just sort of screeched at that point. Noise but no words. Burst into tears and now I’m sitting in my front room snarling at anyone who comes in. Fuck them. I think I might just stay in bed all day tomorrow.

AIBU?

Yanbu. Hopefully this will make them think and they will try harder tomorrow.

Stay in bed tomorrow for sure. Commandeer the tv in your room and snacks too. And change the Wi-fi password.

Hang in there, Ephrian. That was really well written, btw. I felt my own stress levels going through the roof as I was reading.
I bet that lamb was delicious, though

So when's your week off OP?

I hear you OP. Either stay in bed on clear off out on your own tomorrow.

Another vote for stay in bed and change WiFi password.

I'm on strike this holiday, no cooking, no laundry, no tidying up or clearing up. It's actually working. They are picking up after themselves and cooking for the whole family. It has been extremely hard to stick to the strike but I just gritted my teeth and did it. First few days were the worst, but has got easier as the days have gone on.

Yup - stay in bed tomorrow.

I hope they all get their shit together and up their game.

Do stay in bed and change the WIFI password!

Stay in bed tomorrow!

Oh I feel your pain Similar happens here with DSD in the uni holidays (lives with us full time then). I’m currently a SAHM with two under threes so struggle to keep on top of things at the best of times, but she doesn’t lift a finger to clean communal areas, and will only bring the mountains of cups and plates from her room if pestered. Even then they only make it to the worktop so I have to clear them from there. Drives me insane!

DH is good in that he helps out himself, but rubbish in that he won’t tackle her about helping out more.

Sorry - no advice, but an angry headshake in solidarity with you

Sorry Op I laughed a little bit at I think I just sort of screeched at that point. Noise but no words, not laughing at you but just because I can picture them all . I don't blame you one little bit. They're taking you for granted and you're understandably fed up, the washing basket was the last straw.

Now I'm sure some posters will say that really you shouldn't have shrieked but I happen to think that sometimes a hissy fit is no bad thing if it shocks them enough to examine their behaviour and stop fucking you off for half an hour.

Tomorrow when you're able to use your words have a talk with DH and make sure he understands how frustrating this week has been for you and what changes you'd like to see. I'd also suggest a discussion with the teens about their responsibilities in the home making it clear that it's not fair for them to do a half arsed job forcing you to either do it all or be the bad guy who moans at them. No harm for dc to realise parents are people too. We don't only exist to meet their needs!

Write yourself a new job description. SAHM begone. 'House Manager' means you prioritise and delegate - you don't do everything. Your job is to train them up.

Buggers!

Either stay in bed or go and do something nice just for you.

YANBU OP, I work in a school so have school holidays off. DH is off this week on annual leave. I've asked both DH and DS to lend a hand, after all it is also their house, but have had all their shit to tidy up on top of the crap that is normally all over the house. Both of them are incapable of putting things away after them, and both of them are insisting that it's their 'holiday' so shouldn't have to do anything too strenuous. FFS!! I also haven't cooked anything for 3 days and they're currently living on cheese on toast!! (they won't do the dishes or help decide what's for tea, so I'm quite happy with my frozen left overs/jacket spuds/salads that I have for my own self)

YANBU.

Take yourself out for a day out tomorrow and leave them with a list of instructions/chores.

Teens need to pull their weight.

House Manager' means you prioritise and delegate - you don't do everything. Your job is to train them up.

I like it annandale

Thanks guys. It really is just them being here all the time doing nothing that has made me seethe, I’m normally quite chilled about the whole thing because I have 5 and a half hours to myself most days and even the most strenuous housework only takes half of that. In the holidays it just feels constant, plus I have to put up with the bickering.

DH is now hanging out wet washing after bringing me a coffee. I’m watching telly. I feel better for my rant .

Isn't it maddening. And you just know that if NOBE of your family was home and instead you had three good female friends coming to dinner, it would have been a fabulous evening with everyone delighting over a. The dinner and b. The fact they didn't have to prepare it and c. That they didn't have to listen to any whining.

Families are so overrated.

YANBU.

I had a complete meltdown last week and told DP that I wanted him to leave with the DC - that I didn't give a fuck about any of them anymore...then I cried for about 3 hours. Totally recovered the next day and everything was back to normal but by god did I need that blowout.

I feel your pain . Actually

Can you go out for the day tomorrow? Just not be there when they get up? Go out for a walk or to the cinema or something?

Then, when you're all calm, sit down as a family and discuss together a way forward with compromise and cooperation? Good luck

Yanbu. I'm dreading the sumber holidays after the Easter break. Stay in bed all tomorrow, hopefully they put their heads together to give you a break.

Fuck em all. Take to your bed until they learn how to be more supportive.

Get a really early night.
Before you go to sleep write a list of things that need doing tomorrow.
Put your eye shades on and go to sleep.
Get up deliciously refreshed.
Get yourself a good book.
Put on some smart but casual clothes.
Maybe make a flask of coffee.
Leave list in a REALLY OBVIOUS PLACE
Turn your phone off.
Get in your car, drive to shop, get newspapers , magazines and chocolate.
Drive somewhere you love that has a nice view. Drink coffee, eat choc, read papers.
Have a little wander for some fresh air.
Listen to desert island discs on radio 4.
Drive somewhere you like and have a peaceful lunch.
Maybe go and do a bit of shopping.
Go home when you feel like it.
Maybe, just maybe they will have tidied and cleaned and cooked. Maybe.
If they haven’t then yell at them and remember that although they drive you MAD they are all safe and alive and fed and clothed and YOURS.
Feel happy that you have a lovely family behaving just like kids and husbands do.
Shrug your shoulders and start picking the crap up..........

It’s life. But by God, if your kids were not there to make the mess then your life would be so much worse.
Woman I know has just lost her 17 yr old son in a car crash. To say she is broke and devastated isn’t even touching the edges.

We all need support and time for ourselves. DONT be cross for shouting- you need to let off steam and families do drive us all mad.
So maybe, why don’t you have a nice bath, make everybody a list of what you need them to do tomorrow and in the morning, while they are tidying, cook them a lovely Sunday roast. Rope in DH to be ring master and ensure that everybody gets their lists done.

Look round your table and think how lucky you are. And have a shit load of wine with lunch, leaveing them to tidy up while you go fir a nap!!!

I am on stirke too.
Took the week off to spend time with teens and have been basically ignored unless I have arranged something to do. Might as well have been at work getting paid.
I have not made tea tonight. They havent put their washing away, (2 days worth is on the floor )the room that was tidied 3 days ago is a tip, Just washed a shit load of dirty plates from their room and thought sod em they can starve.

They are wondering why I am annoyed....

I couldn’t stay in bed all day, but I do recommend you have tomorrow ‘off’ .

Turn the tables on your family and tell them they can spend the day running around looking after your needs. Then get everyone to do some housework, they might appreciate you a little but once you make them realise they are all being selfish and inconsiderate towards you.

[ gin]