To have just lost my shit with my family.

[EphraimLevi]

Aaaargh it’s the holidays. Two teens and a 6yo, and DH.

DH had last week off and while it’s been lovely to have him here, he is just adding to the chaos. None of them pick up after themselves. I’m a SAHM so I’m normally happy to do everything, but they are just carrying on as normal even though they’re all here all day.

Earlier I said to DH that dinner was in 10 minutes, he took that as his cue to go into the garage ‘for ten minutes’. I ended up having to assemble dinner, clear the piles of other people’s crap off the table, lay the table, let the dog out and empty the bin because everyone else had fucked off. I was shouting for help through all this, not just being a martyr, and got replies of ‘just a sec!’.

I mentioned at the table that this wasn’t on, from anybody, that when I say dinner is soon that’s generally a cue to get things ready. Also that I was sick of picking up after everybody, especially as they’re here all day. DH looked pained (hates criticism) and DS nitpicked about none of it being his.

DD then complained that I’d had more lamb than her (I hadn’t), DH dealt with this by dumping his lamb on her plate. I said that wasn’t very fair, as I’d spent most of the day marinating, slow cooking, shredding and making flatbreads and he was basically going without to make his point. The rest of dinner was then a sulky, tense affair from all sides.

It’s DD’s day to wash up which she has only just ‘finished’. It’s taken an hour because she’s been coming in both doors to the front room (leaving both open) to wind the 6yo up, ask questions and generally procrastinate. I’ve just been out to the kitchen and although she’s unstacked the dishwasher she’s left all the clean stuff out on the side, the worktops are filthy and the table is unwiped.

I went upstairs to tell her to come down and nearly tripped over DS1’s clean washing basket which is still outside his room since I gave it to him this morning. Ds2’s room is utterly destroyed and I said ‘oh for fuck’s sake, I’ve only just tidied it’ and DH helpfully piped up that ‘we’ could both tidy it tomorrow.

I think I just sort of screeched at that point. Noise but no words. Burst into tears and now I’m sitting in my front room snarling at anyone who comes in. Fuck them. I think I might just stay in bed all day tomorrow.

AIBU?

Go out for the whole day tomorrow. Make your own breakfast, nobody else's, let them know and then off you go. Coffee, yoga, movie or whatever you fancy. Leave them to it and don't look back.

Babymama
Thats an idea, quite fancy that after all its my hols too...but I suspect they wouldnt even notice I had gone (unless I took the wifi router )

Fair enough

But ditch the slow roadting and marinating, just do pasta pest, fish fingers or fried eggs on toast

Seriously

Stop being housewife of the year and instead just go off on your own for the day.

That's what I do! I am no longer a holiday martyr. Fuck that. Instead I go to London for the day, or go for hours to the leisure centre for a swim and coffee.am kften away for meal times too, they can fend for themselves. I still end up doing lots, but I am not doing every meal/job.

I’ve just had this. My oh is a teacher, so they’re all here in the holidays....
Change the WiFi password, and give them a list of stuff to do. I had to give them a massive explanation today of how one activity has to be finished offbefore the ne next starts ie table cleared after a meal before getting out art stuff.
They all looked a me as if I was creature from another planet.

Staying in bed all day does not work, because

1 they will find you
2 they still exoect you to mastermind meals, all meals
3 they may pretend to do their iwn meals bit will eaither tell you they can't find the butter, the eggs have gone, the frying pan is weird, they think they may have set fire to the dog, or they ask if the dog food is pate and then burn all the toast....etc you will.jump out of bed and rescue them

You. Have. To.go.out.for.the.day

a lot

Definitely been there.

The teenagers are old enough to help out alot more. I have a 12yr old and a 10yr old and in the last year I've started giving them jobs to do around the house. Loading and emptying the dish washer, cleaning their rooms, loading washing machine then dryer, taking clothes out of dryer and putting them away etc. My 12yr old even mops the kitchen floor. They get between 50c - €1 per job. This is instead of pocket money.

My other half is also great but only after years of me doing everything before I snapped and made it clear i wasn't his mother and this is HIS house too.

Time to take a step back op, and demand more from your family. Your not the bloody maid

You seem to have SAHM confused with domestic servant.

Your job (and your husband's) is to teach your children to clear up after themselves and help with chores. It sounds like you're doing way too much for them.

Mind you, holidays make all mothers want to kill their children.

Go out on your own tomorrow, book into a spa day, and let your dh deal with 6 year old and feed all dc. I would even consider staying overnight with a friend and lying in at her place the following morning. They are taking you for granted and would miss you if you were not there.

Definitely stay in bed.

My DH also finds jobs to do if I tell him food is nearly ready, so now I tell him I’m dishing up. If he then fucks off to do something else that is his problem. And if the DC don’t come down when they are called that’s their problem. Everyone’s clean washing is in the utility room, for them to either iron, collect unironed or leave there. I don’t care what they do with it once it been washed.

And if what I’ved cooked and served isn’t good enough they don’t have to eat it, but I’m not doing something else.

I feel for you, I really do.

I've literally, about 40 minutes ago, had a similar meltdown after finding yet more mess and shit and crap everywhere. It involved squishing an entire, new block of dropped cheese under my foot in frustration and crying

Thankfully, no one witnessed it, but that's only because the three of them were in three separate rooms, glued to three separate screens..

I love them more than life itself but they drive me nuts sometimes.

It's nice to know I'm not alone.

2 teens should be helping out of habit, 6 year old should be trying to help, well because they want to. DH should take responsibility!!

YANBU!!

In my house, I have DP, who works full time, DD age 12, who is home educated, DS age 11, who is year 6.

So, I might cook tea, when it is nearly ready, DD will be checking, she will shout to me, then DP jumps up to get cutlery ready. DD gets plates out, then I dish up.

If DD cooks tea (yes, 12 year old DD cook for us all, because she wants to lighten my load), then she shouts it is ready, DS gets the plates, DP gets the cutlery and I get it brought to me.

My DC tidy their rooms, they help with the rest of the house.

It has not been easy, at 7/8 years old there were so many arguments about it, I thought it might be easier to do everything myself, but I persevered and I am glad I did. They both know they have to help to keep the house we all live in reasonable clean and tidy! So does DP!

I think you're overreacting. They're on holiday and so are you if you want to be. Just chill out. Take aways, simple meals, untidy house.. won't do any harm for a week.

The only thing that has got me through the last 2 weeks has been the fact that ds starts full time nursery on monday. And alcohol.

Dd (13) is a lazy little madam. Ds (4) has been an absolute whirlwind. I have done days at the park, garden centre/family farm, another park, ponies, allotment, softplay. Visited relatives and friends. Days in Getting Shit Done. Have been up early and stayed up late getting work done.

Meanwhile dp swans off to work at 7am and finishes at 4pm when he walks through the door. He has been 'bored' all day despite the house being a bombsite as I worked (from home) for a few hours this morning.

Dd has just stropped because I refused to make her tea. She stropped about going to the shop earlier which caused dp to strop because she is lazy. Then I was the bad guy because I tokd them both there were unreasonable.

I can hear ds bouncing around upstairs still and am hiding down here with a bavarian slice, my kindle and a cream egg stashed in the cupboard.

Monday is a new start for me. 30 hours a week will just be pure luxury. I am beyond excited that Shit Will Get Done.

Oh god - this is me today. I also cooked lamb and everyone nit picked about the salt content (not enough) the potatoes (wrong type). My toddler tantrumed that her drink was wrong and then it was in the wrong cup. Because it’s holidays it’s wall to wall child care and I’m desperate for some time where I’m not at someone else’s beck and call.

YANBU. I feel your pain I've just had a rare afternoon out and come back to utter chaos and only just this second finished tidying up and thought fuck it, I'll clean the windows while I'm here since no other fucker is going to do it. They've needed doing for months to be quite honest but I never get the chance as I'm always doing everything else.

My OH has been doing his hobby and I just went mad as I'm upcycling a dresser that has taken me nearly a year because any 'free time' I have is spent cleaning and he's stacked his equipment for his hobby (paints etc) all on top of the dresser and marked it AGAIN so I've just gone mad saying I'm going to have to sand and repaint it AGAIN!

I'm sick to the back teeth of it, I totally understand the 'pained look' you describe, my OH is king of the 'deer caught in the headlights' face when I tell him off. take your pick OP, I'm spending tomorrow in bed too!

YANBU. Thank fuck, DH went to work all day and we had 2 meals in a café, everything's been harmonious.

Here:

YANBU. For once in my life I am looking forward to going back to work on Monday
Gin helps a lot I find. Hth

Get up early. Unplug the router and go out for the day taking it with you.

Let them know it won’t be returned until the list of jobs you have left them is done.

Then assign each of them an evening a week where they are responsible for cooking and cleaning up after a meal.

Yanbu. Sounds like my household .

I totally get this!

I am at home all week because I'm disabled and can't hold down a job. So pretty much everything falls to me. However when they are all at home they seem to think it's fine to sit around doing fuck all and say things like 'what's for dinner?' 'when's dinner?' all the time.

I have actually screeched at them all to STOP BANGING ON ABOUT FUCKING FOOD! after a particularly difficult day.

I found that going into hospital for an operation and leaving a detailed list of chores needing to be done daily/weekly and putting names next to each thing helped them realise just how much I do.

It still slips back to 'mum can do everything' sometimes but I quite often reply to 'what's for dinner' with ''I don't know, what are you making?'.

I had a massive shout last night. I fucked off out most of the day today and they actually missed me. Probably because they had to actually get their own lunch.

Ahh bless you it;s hard when they are all home together. That lamb and flatbreads sound delicious . Give yourself a break tomoz and let DH do the Sunday lunch and the DC do the dishes , or just go out for lunch .

it took an hourto load a dishwasher?

tell them to do their own dinner from now on

Ugh, yanbu.
I have a dp and two preschool kids. Dp is a teacher so home for the last two weeks.
I have pointed out to him that school hols is like an anti-holiday for me as there's no preschool and all the toddler groups are closed so entertaining kids is hard work. And because they are in the house more, there is more mess, more cleaning, more washing up.
Today he was in charge of meal planning and shopping. he meal planned then went shopping and came home with half the ingredients missing. He didn't even buy what was needed for tonight's dinner so we had to change dinner plans at the last minute. So frustrating!