I was for several years a single mum with an absolutely worse than useless XP, before meeting my DP who I've been with for nearly 10 years. We have a 6yr old DS with ASD and I have a 16 yr old DD from a previous relationship. DP is rather lovely (well I would think so wouldn't I!) and a good, gentle, very involved father to both DC despite having had a really shitty start in life himself, and having depression that has made life seem very dark to him at times (currently well controlled with medication and self help such as running).
So that's my backstory. My AIBU is about a couple of my friends (who don't know each other) who have both decided that DP is some sort of super dad (he's not, he's just a normal person doing his best!).
Friend A has a 4 yr old DD who is besotted with DP, in fact with almost any man that she comes into contact with. Her XP hasnt been seen since before her DD was born but she keeps jumping into relationships as she really wants a father figure for her. When they come over her DD is almost possessive over DP, sitting on his knee, trying to clamber on him, holding his hand etc and when DP tries to gently break her away from him the mum starts laying it on really thick about how much her DD needs a daddy figure and how much she loves men and needs to interact with them (yes really, those words). DS notices it and sometimes comments on it (Apsie lack of tact!) to which he is told by my friend that he should "share his daddy as [DD] hasn't got a daddy". DP has started hiding or being out when they come over but my friend keeps asking where he is and saying how much her DD wants to see him etc. Also DS quite often needs both of us there so if we are meeting out and about we do both need to go!
Friend B is also a single mum with an ex in prison and has a 15 yr old boy who is starting to be very challenging. She keeps on asking me if DP will "do some dad stuff" with him. DP has once or twice taken him out for the day but she is being really pushy about wanting a weekly arrangement and again laying it on thick about how worried she is that he will get into drugs or petty crime. I keep telling her to ask DP herself but she keeps saying she'd feel awkward and wanting me to persuade him!
DP is more than happy to hang out with both friends and their DC when we happen to meet up or have them to visit but we are both feeling a bit uncomfortable with the repeated expectation that he should be fulfilling father roles in their DC lives. Both are lovely friends and I don't want to upset them by being blunt or unsympathetic but the fact is that DP has his own children to be a father to and can't solve everyones problems! Any tips for tactful ways to try and stop this? (I also have Aspergers so communication isn't always very easy for me, which probably doesn't help here!)