To wonder what makes a man beat his wife

[Fuckitbucket13]

I've just learnt a man I know beats his wife. He comes from a lovely extended close family, lovely mum & dad, good upbringing.

I'm just a bit shocked I could understand if he'd had a rough time. I'm genuinely interested what makes someone turn violent.
Is the whole happy family thing a front or can a person from a perfectly good home turn out to be bad?

I know a man like the one described in the original op. His mother voiced concerns he’d been raped as a child by his paternal grandfather. His sister was also but I’ve not heard yet that his sister does the same to her husband. Who knows. Plenty people experience abuse as children and don’t go on to abuse. But I guess some do. I also know of several people who’ve grown up in violent households physically abused to the point of unconsciousness/broken bones by their parents. All middle class homes with generation after generation of professional jobs and big private houses. They continue to pay homage to these same parents in later life. You’d never know but for the times they open up.

Molly most respected research puts physical DA with alcohol as a contributory factor at between 25-50%

the overwhelming majority occurs under the influence of alcohol.

Not in my experience - although I don't have a clue as to why my ex-partner, who I adored, and even though he physically, emotionally and sexually abused me, adored me. As f*cked up as that sounds.

I wonder if it was because he couldn't deal with the intensity of his feelings for me. He was the typical 'success story', from a nice family, good job in the forces, popular with friends both male and female. He just couldn't control his jealousy/insecurity. He couldn't bear it if another man paid me attention, or if I wanted to go out with my girlfriends. He wasn't the 'wimp' that some have said re: wouldn't dare hit a man as he would knock a bloke out without a second thought and then I'd bear the brunt of it back at home.

What really scares me though - is that I would still be with him now if his mother, who was horrified at what she'd witnessed when he lost it one time, made him move to another country to live with her.

My father was physically and emotionally abusive to my mother. He was not a drinker. He would fly off the handle over the smallest of things, toys on the floor, not fancying what my mum had cooked for dinner, anything. The thing is he grew up in a household where his mother wore the trousers and his father was a very timid man. My uncle was brought up in the same environment and never laid a hand on any women Or men for that matter.