To expect a seat whilst waiting to see midwife

[Littlewreck]

I’ve come to see my midwife for my 41 week appointment. I’ve been told there’s an hour wait at least. There’s no seats left in the waiting area. Am I been unreasonable to expect some of the non pregnant accompanying adults to give up there seats for pregnant woman?

@AssassinatedBeauty sorry that last one was aimed at you, not dairy!

You shouldn't have to ask! Yes, there may be some with hidden disabilities but they will be in the minority. Common curtesy. Why on Earth should a heavily pregnant woman have to ask?? I suppose you could approach the receptionist and ask if they have a spare chair you could borrow. Revolting behaviour from the able bodied people who are too selfish to stand though.

I find the fear of embarrassment overriding pain and discomfort to be an very interesting phenomenon. Especially when any normal decent human being would have empathy for you and understand if you asked to sit.

Oh dear, there was a discussion on FB about the blind man who wasn't given a place to sit on a tube and got upset. Ended up being a discussion whether pregnant women have less rights to have a sit on public transport than disabled people. Wtf why people are being ridiculous and need to create those hypothetical situations when there are only pregnant and disabled people on a bus/train/hospital etc? Just give a place if you can stand, it's that simple. No one gives you a sit? Well surprise, not everyone is well mannered, so ask if you need it.
My DH told me to wear my Baby on board badge, sweet thing was sure I would be able to get a seat during rush hour I was just hoping that people would notice my badge and be easy on me while pushing themselves inside
I've noticed though that people who are less able to stand usually very attentive to each other, pregnant women will give seats to someone with disability, elderly will move to let the mother sit next to her kids and so on.

How did you get to 41 weeks without learning how to ask firmly, but non-aggressively, for a seat, OP?

(And is anyone else wondering if the OP hasn't come back to the thread because she is currently in hospital having a baby...?)

Glad you got a seat.
You shouldn't have to ask in that situation.
I remember being on a train at about 6m pregnant (with complications) having to get up because there was a frail older lady needing a seat. She didn't want me to get up, but no one else did/would and I didn't want to upset her by shaming people into getting up. I have hidden health issues but I seriously doubt that everyone else did too!

Being old or disabled is not a choice. Being pregnant is (usually)

But, sockunicorn, you phrased it in terms of it not being people's "fault" that someone is pregnant. Not the same as choice, is it?

And the plain fact of the matter is that the non-pregnant disabled person doesn't have to be at an ante-natal clinic, so that's a matter of choice also.

It's a well known fact, sockunicorn that pesky women purposely get themselves pregnant (themselves you know! it's all women's fault!) for the sole purpose of being able to turf men and people with disabilities out of their legitimately held seats. That's why they do it. True science fact.

Whilst I agree that disabilities and pregnancy are not really comparable, as yes pregnancy is a choice (usually), this was an ANTENATAL CLINIC!!! Jesus christ, obviously a pregnant woman should have precedence. It's also statistically ridiculous to try to suggest that most or all of the non-pregnant people would have a hidden disability.

I think disabled people should be boarded on and off flights before babies and prams etc as they should have priority, but that's a separate issue/pet peeve of mine.

Why do people bring up pregnancy as a choice? Imagine if women all just stopped having babies? The human race would be over. Yeah, we choose when to do it but it’s an overwhelming biological imperative and most people do make that choice. Women have no choice but to bear the brunt of that choice so absolutely men should defer to them and give up their seats!

Women don’t get pregnant out of some selfish whim. It’s kind of vital to the survival of the species and we are designed to feel an extremely strong urge to do it, not to mention that society conditions us towards motherhood.

And some misogynistic idiots bring up the ‘gotcha!’ that we had the temerity to ask for equality but now we want special treatment!!!!! Those people don’t understand the concept of equality and what it actually means. Clue: it doesn’t mean treating everybody in exactly the same way. It means treating people fairly so that certain people don’t get an unfair advantage. So you make allowances for a pregnant woman over an able-bodied person. Not justify your selfishness by blaming them for being pregnant and consequently more vulnerable. That isn’t equality or fairness or decency and anyone arguing that should be ashamed of themselves.

Oh, and of course we’ve had someone come on boasting about how strong and active they were at 40+ weeks because they are monumentally dim and therefore incapable of a shred of empathy and the ability to open their tiny mind the slightest crack to admit that their experience of pregnancy isn’t representative of everyone else’s!

Willynilly totally agree.
Only on mumsnet could every other non pregnant person in the waiting room have a ‘hidden disability’.

But if by some extremely small chance this was the case, it is an antenatal waiting room, for pregnant women. Pregnant women have to attend their antentatal appointments for their safety and for babies. Partners/friends do not have To attend, and if your disability was causing you that much difficulty I would say that you needed to leave and allow pregnant women to sit. seating should be priority for pregnant mothers at all times regardless, (in a maternity service).

But again this is purely hypothetical because no way would all of those partners/relatives/friends have a ‘hidden disability’.
Ideally people without any difficulties and who aren’t pregnant would get up and offer their seat straight away, so the pregnant women all got a seat and the disabled person wouldn’t need to move either.

Very good point aswell captain, pregnancy is a choice on an individual level, ie some choose not to, but on a population level we are built for it and to desire children.
Therefore for women that do opt to have children, which is most of us, they should be protected and assisted in the pregnant and post natal period.

Isn't it wrong to assume all disabilities are not a choice?! My classmate doesn't have a leg because he was drinking by the rail track. Should in that case he give up his seat on a train??? I would assume he still needs it
It's just weird how you don't get it, yes, we usually choose to get pregnant (not always though), but it's only for a couple of months when we might need a seat more than other healthy people

I must go into our waiting room(40+ seats) about twice a day and announce 'ladies and gentlemen if you are accompanying someone today please give up your seat as I can see pregnant ladies standing'. I have no shame or embarrassment about this.

I know most women won't ask. It's awkward. I get it. then I go into the inpatient curtained off area and politely direct any non inpatients to move. Then I check the wait and if it is more than 30/40 mins I do free parking and a tea trolley.

I am very very busy at work but you know what takes up most of my time? Complaints about waiting times.

It takes me 15 mins to do a tea trolley, hand out the brews and the parking passes. We get almost no complaints now. Maybe people can see we are doing our very best.

My point is, if you are accompanying someone to an antenatal appt and your legs work and it is heaving, stand up.

PS - my husband walks on the outside too.

And some misogynistic idiots bring up the ‘gotcha!’ that we had the temerity to ask for equality but now we want special treatment!!!!!

That was me. I was responding to a poster who said we should go back to the good old days when men stood up for ALL women. I even said in my post that people should stand up for those less able to (ie heavily pregnant women).

Don’t let that get in the way of a good rant though.

No Daria of course be shouldn’t give up his seat on a train. Ever. To anyone.
But we are discussing an antenatal clinic, a service for pregnant women who have To attend for their safety and that of their unborn baby.
They may be in a lot of discomfort by the late stages and can’t stand for an hour and you can’t exactly get down on the floor by 41 weeks either can you.
So on the basis the pregnant women have To wait to be seen they should get the seats in an antenatal clinic.
The reality is that there would be plenty able bodied and non pregnant people who could move however to allow the pregnant women and People with disabilities like your friend the seats in the ante natal clinic.

The point still stand, if you are in an antenatal clinic and pregnant you are the person the seating is for no one else, If you are in a clinic for any other illness then you are not defiantly entitled to a seat.

If you are not the patient then you are not required to be there you don't hold the right to a seat. full stop!

@weneedtotalk - the 41 week pregnant woman could be in excruciating pain, you twonk! Ever heard of SPD? Disabled people don't have a monopoly on pain either. What is wrong with everyone? They were in an ANTENATAL waiting room.

It's a moot point anyway because we all know that everyone in a waiting room is not suffering from a hidden disability that causes them such excruciating pain that they can't stand up for a heavily pregnant woman. They are just rude and selfish.

An antenatal clinic is for pregnant women. Regardless of ability to sit/stand, they are the target audience so a priority for seats!

Hell yeah do I want special treatment when gestating part of the next generation

Daria your philosphical musings are interesting yet strangely irrelevant to the question at hand

@LondonZookeeper I absolutely agree, made an example only to show that it's wrong to investigate the reasons behind pregnancies and disabilities, choice or no choice, pregnant women need to sit down, especially while waiting for appointments
Always see men standing up and giving a seat to pregnant women in antenatal clinic though, after all they want their wives to be treated same way. And we have a lot of space there too just in different units, so if you brought in your husband for you blood test and he can't bare to stand - he could find a seat in the corridor or some other room

@GetAwayFromHer
Oh gosh, I should have quoted
Being old or disabled is not a choice. Being pregnant is (usually)

I would offer you a seat.
Bunch of bastards.

You think that pregnant women should take precedence over those with disabilities when it comes to seats because they’re in an antenatal clinic? That disabled person could be in excruciating pain you twonk

Well, yes. Because the pregnant women have to be there, the disabled person doesn't. I'd question how much support they would be to a partner if they were in excruciating pain, and if they need a seat to relieve it there is generally somewhere they can sit outside the clinic.

I’d question how much support they would be to a partner if they were in excruciating pain, and if they need a seat to relieve it there is generally somewhere they can sit outside the clinic.

You realise that’s incredibly insulting to disabled people who are unable to stand for long? Just because someone can’t stand in a waiting room, that doesn’t make them any less of a proper father/partner.