To expect a seat whilst waiting to see midwife

[Littlewreck]

I’ve come to see my midwife for my 41 week appointment. I’ve been told there’s an hour wait at least. There’s no seats left in the waiting area. Am I been unreasonable to expect some of the non pregnant accompanying adults to give up there seats for pregnant woman?

blue couldn’t agree more.

peacheachpearplum

You seem like someone who enjoys being offended.

Oh come on, yes OP shouldn't have to ask, yes it is rude for non-patients to take seats intended for patients... But if you are in this situation and you feel like you need to sit, then you ask for a seat (directly or through the receptionist)!

YANBU and you shouldn't have to ask! Sure, there may be some non-pregnant people there with hidden disabilities who need to sit, but that can't be the case for the whole room. What is wrong with people!

I was brought up with springs in my hips which operate on buses and the Tube - and while I don't remember it arising - DS is 33 - I could not have remained in my seat when with DW at her appointments. What has changed since my childhood?

Andrewofgg please tell me you also walk on the outside if you're walking on the pavement, I really love that and it's so rare to see nowadays!

Prancingonthevalentine Indeed I do. And so does DS, because I trained him!

@Andrewofgg - love that!

@Peacheachpearplum - In an antenatal waiting room the pregnant women have priority for a seat. Just because someone has a disability doesn't mean they always get priority over everyone else in the universe. They aren't there for an appointment, the pregnant women are, so they get to sit down ahead of anyone accompanying them. Period.

YANBU, you shouldn't have to ask!

Andrew

it is highly unlikely that the only non pregnant people will be men
But it's even less likely that there will be a pregnant man.

People are horrendous. I used to have to ask 4 times a day for a seat on busy commuter trains when pregnant and on crutches, then wait for the awkward few seconds where everyone would wait for someone else to offer before reluctantly getting up. I remember once being on a packed train with everyone watching me on crutches and an elderly gentleman insist each other sat on the final remaining seat.

Honestly OP, it’s best just to ask. You get used to it and I think that if people aren’t called out on this type of behaviour they continue to think it’s accepranle

Disgraceful behaviour from the non pregnant people. It amazes me that on mumsnet, if someone isn’t giving up a seat for a pregnant women, elderly person or disabled person, or taking up a p and c bay without any dc with them, the conclusion is they must have a ‘hidden disability’.

Yes some people may have a hidden disability, but the majority will be selfish or oblivious.
I mean really what’s the likelihood that the partners/friends/family members of all those other pregnant women had a hidden disability. One or two perhaps but not the whole waiting room.

Anyway, as is a maternity service, the seats should be priority for pregnant women regardless.
Same as if it was say a physio department, and a pregnant women was taking up a seat, when there were other people with injuries standing waiting for treatment, the pregnant women should give up the seat if necessary, as she doesn’t have to attend, but the patients do, and the service is for them and the waiting room primarily there for patient comfort.
However again this would ( or should) be unlikely because the reality would be that someone else who is not disabled/injured or pregnant could give up their seat.

People are so selfish! I hope you got a seat op!

they could go and sit elsewhere and get a text when the patient is called and then go join them Yes and the medical staff will happily wait while they make the slow journey back. Of course everyone can then start moaning about the disabled person making the clinic run late.

Why would the medical staff have to wait for the patient's friend? There's no reason why they have to wait until patient's companion turns up. to start the appointment with the patient.

"people aren't mind readers" no, but you don't need a bleeding crystal ball to work out that most of the women in an ante natal clinic are a) pregnant b) more in need of a seat than you if you are not pregnant.

Sadly this attitude isn't new, I was getting on the Tube when I was 36 weeks with DS (now 18yo)
Two young men in the Priority seats laughing and chattering as the train pulled up. When I got on and they clocked my (huge) belly , they threw their heads back and pretended to be asleep.
Selfish bastards , I moved one

Being old or disabled is not a choice. Being pregnant is (usually). I have 2 DC and chose to get pregnant and then continue with those pregnancies (one that went 2 weeks over term in the middle of summer so I’m aware how uncomfortable it is). So, while I would have been pissed off ar standing, I personally wouldn’t have asked someone to move.

However, the part you’re all ignoring, I did write that I would have given up my seat and teach my DC to do the same. Because I would have empathy for the pregnant person and want her to be comfortable. However I would see that as my personal choice to do that and wouldn’t ask someone else to. Unfortunately we do live in a selfish world and if they don’t want to offer that’s just their choice!

If you had been uncomfortable and in pain, would you have asked someone to move?

Having empathy for someone who is likely to be more in need than yourself shouldn't be a personal choice, it should be basic human decency. But you're correct that many people these days will only think about themselves.

@StepAwayFromGoogle

@Andrewofgg - love that!

@Peacheachpearplum - In an antenatal waiting room the pregnant women have priority for a seat. Just because someone has a disability doesn't mean they always get priority over everyone else in the universe. They aren't there for an appointment, the pregnant women are, so they get to sit down ahead of anyone accompanying them. Period.

What? 😂😂😂
You think that pregnant women should take precedence over those with disabilities when it comes to seats because they’re in an antenatal clinic?
That disabled person could be in excruciating pain you twonk.

No I genuinely wouldn’t have asked (and didn’t). I would have felt too embarrassed. I had many days of getting on the tube, hot and pissed off that I was still pregnant, where people banged into me and didn’t stand up. I am only slight in frame as well so it was clear how far gone I was. But I just took that as their choice. A bad one, admittedly, but not mine.

Just amazed that you would rather suffer than ask someone to move. Because it's their personal choice to ignore you. And you think their personal choice should be respected at all times, even if it's antisocial and lacking in empathy, kindness and consideration.

It’s not that I think their personal choice should come first at all times. I just would have either 1. Waited till someone went in. In my experience wouldn’t have been any longer than 20mins at most but maybe other people’s antenatal are different. 2. If I was so uncomfortable I couldn’t wait the 20 mins I would Tell the receptionist/nurse I was going to sit outside/nearest chair and to come get me. My dads currently been seen weekly in a lukemia clinic and sometimes we have up to 90minute waits and they give you buzzers so you can go to the cafe. If they didn’t have buzzers I would just explain I’m uncomfortable and moving to the nearest chairs. And possibly to come get me if a chair Free-d up. Doubt they would have an issue.

So their rights don’t come first - I just wouldn’t assume mine did either. I would take it as a “first come got the chair” deal. And their selfishness isn’t really my problem - they’re the ones who have to live with that in daily life.

YANBU. Bizarre that there are men sitting whole pregnant women don't have seats.

Yeah, but "living with their selfishness" isn't going to be a hardship for them as there will be no consequences! It's worked out for them!

I just find it astonishing that as a patient of the clinic, with pain and discomfort, you would defer to a non-patient with no medical issues who had arrived before you.

I've been kept waiting for 2 hours at antenatal clinics, and often 30 minutes to and hour. Thankfully I seem to live in an area where most people have some basic human decency and have some small consideration for other people.

@dairyisclosed I just wouldn’t feel
Comfortable asking someone to move. It would embarrass me more to take their seat and have people looking and them standing than just to stand (or move elsewhere and inform the receptionist) myself :). We’re all different.

I go to Manchester Christie’s weekly and it’s amazing how many people - in a chemo unit - don’t stand for others. Some bring 3 guests with them like it’s a bloody day out (despite the “rule” being one guest per cubicle) and all take seats. The nurses there are pretty shit hot at asking people to move though when they see regular patients come in.