Am I wrong for eating a sacred animal?

[MilkyCoffeeAndSkinnySyrup]

My DH is Hindu so he does not eat beef (he eats other meat though), but I eat beef because it has always been part of my diet (I am British). He always makes me feel guilty for cooking it and even having it in the fridge/freezer, but I always cook alternative meals for him so that he still has dinner! He says why am I bringing it into the house, why do I have to eat it in front of him, why can't I just live without it etc! AIBU to think that he cannot stop me from eating what I want?

Ordering beef and eating it in his presence has nothing to do with storing and cooking it in his home; for some Hindus having something that's seen as "impure" in your house even though you have nothing to do with it makes you impure too.

I'm suspicious when men wait until after marriage to have new found zeal about their religion - a friend married a non-practising Catholic who suddenly decided that she needed to convert, christen the children, comply with lots of previously unmentioned wifely duties for the good of their collective souls. It's a way of asserting control with the bonus ability of being able to point to the words of other men to back you up.

My DH is Hindu, i'm not. He doesn't eat beef but has never told me not to. As it is i'm not a fan so never have it in at home but he has no problem with it if we go out, eg if i fancy a steak.
I assume you don't have DC's yet? If you are planning in the future the whole religion issue needs to be discussed as to how they will be raised.
DH always agreed not to force the no beef onto ds as he wanted him to decide for himself when he was old enough

"No one brings anything non vegan into my house "

Do you check their shoes and handbags for that lovely leather smell?

Did you call eggs and milk "bodily secretions"?

Do you get laughed at a lot if you meet people in real life?

YABU and exhibiting a distinct lack of respect and empathy to your other half. Cant you understand how deeply abhorrent it must be for him to come home to beef cooking smells or opening shared fridge / freezer and be confronted with raw steak? I assume you cook the meat on shared cookware, use same crockery and cutlery. I'm sure he's weary of contamination. Can't you save for eating beef for when you're out? Consider if he was a smoker and you hated the smell of cigarettes, would you let him smoke in the home?

'warey'

'wary'!

If my (hypothetical) husband told me he didn't want me to dress a certain way or have a particular hobby because it was against his beliefs then I wouldn't be happy, and I see food as a similar personal choice. It's true that marriage involves compromise, but that doesn't mean 'I know you enjoy doing x but I don't like that you do it so you have to stop'.

On the other hand, I don't think it's wrong of him to feel strongly about having beef in the house (although if he's always felt this way then it's vv unreasonable of him not to have mentioned it sooner). But I see it as a fundamental incompatibility rather than you doing something wrong, if you see what I mean.

My DH was brought up in a Muslim household and doesn't eat pork. We've been together for 24 years and I've generally managed to feed the 4 of us without using pork in meals. Me and my DC enjoy bacon and pork, but we enjoy it even more because we don't eat it regularly. DH doesn't have a problem with pork being in the house sometimes, but I do have to use separate pans if I occasionally make a cooked breakfast. It's no biggie.

Not sure that was very clear, but what I meant is that say I was in a relationship with a conservative religious person who wanted me to wear traditional religious clothing - I don't think it would be wrong of them to want a partner who was willing to do that, but equally it wouldn't be wrong of me to say actually, I'm going to carry on wearing jeans. It might mean the relationship was doomed, but it wouldn't necessarily be disrespectful of me or controlling of him - it's just a case of incompatible standards/expectations.

Has op been back?

MrsCatE It never used to bother him. If it did he should have made it clear before entering the marriage which could have given the op a chance to choose if she enters also. Her husband has set her up to fail really.

QuackPorridge - OP said in a follow up that never bothered him when she ate beef when they were eating out before they were married as long it didn't touch his food and that he still doesn't have a problem outside their home. Issue is now bringing it into their shared environment.

@bingo I generally get people agreeing with me in real life and not laughing at me and yes milk and eggs are bodily secretions (that's a fact) which is disgusting but more disgusting is the blatant lack of respect for other animals on the planet others have. Shoes and coat come off at the door. Leather disgusts me it's another beings skin and I do tell people that. I was having the conversation yesterday at a friends house and the own leather things but also said the thought of it was pretty awful. Some people don't do it, some people do it and choose to ignore it.

I didn't ague as to whether you were factually correct (after I googled the eggs bit).

Milk and eggs are not disgusting though. That is not a fact as it's highly subjective. Custard is the food of the gods.

"Leather disgusts me it's another beings skin and I do tell people that. I was having the conversation yesterday at a friends house and the own leather things but also said the thought of it was pretty awful"

Haha. You say 'friend' but I bet they have their own words for you.

Did you know that the best leather (as used in Bentleys) is always from free range animals; that way their hide is likely to be blemish-free. I guess it means my dream car is animal friendly?

@bingoLounge you're clearly a nasty person. I'm sure you're just the type of person to call your 'friends' other things behind their backs so assume others do it too. Hope you enjoy spreading nastiness. Hope it fills you up inside.

And why did you have to google the eggs bit..? Did you not know what they were?!

I had no idea that eggs were bodily secretions. I'd have assumed that secretions were liquids such as milk, sweat, mucus. There's no shame in not knowing something and filling the gap you've found in your knowledge is an admirable thing.

I'm not nasty. If you came to my house and criticised the material of my shoes, handbags, bike saddle and car seats (sadly not a Bentley) I'd tell you to to your face what I thought.

Would you tell me to my face with the glee expressed in your post that the people I had a discussion with who I refer to as my friends probably don't call me friends behind my back? Hmm I don't think so, but if you did yes it would make you a horrible person and if you wouldn't well...it makes you a horrible person online and a bit of a keyboard warrior. I'm always up for discussion but ridiculing someone is a form of disrespect.

MrsCatE I read the comment back. It isn’t actually clear whether she also used to eat it at home or not. When she is back I hope she can clear up the confusion and I will base my thoughts on the new information.

But ridiculous people should be ridiculed and it is ridiculous to think that it is acceptable to criticise your hosts clothing.

That is horrible and unpleasant and not something a friend does. It's something an arsehole does.

I can't imagine describing someone who criticised me in the way you said as a 'friend'.

Sorry. I misread the question

"Would you tell me to my face with the glee expressed in your post that the people I had a discussion with who I refer to as my friends probably don't call me friends behind my back?"

Not "glee" but yes, I would tell you to your face. I'm yet to work out if my forthrightness is a positive or not.

I would see the explanation of a very basic social norm as a good deed.

I read the thread title and thought you’d eaten a swan or something.

You can't really draw a fair parallel with vegetarianism and a Hindi not eating beef though.

It is a deeply held belief in Hinduism that the cow is a symbol of the divine bounty of earth. Therefore the cow is regarded as sacred and it is a sin to kill it. In parts of India it is still illegal now to slaughter a cow. That will be a belief ingrained in anyone brought up as a Hindu.

As pps have pointed out, it the husband's change in attitude that is most significant.
It would be best to try to establish why he has had a shift in his stance.

Perhaps he has started to question his own devotion to his faith/ become more interested in following the rituals?

Perhaps the dynamic of the relationship has changed, he is controlling and wants to use his wife's diet as a stick to beat her with? He doesn't actually give a fig about people eating beef in his presence.

He might have outside influences? His family have visited or members of his Hindu community have criticised him storing beef in the house and that's made him reconsider his attitude?

If this is his only request of his non Hindu wife then I don't see it as a big problem if he can explain his reasons.

I think should also look up the definition of ridiculing @bingoLounge. I was having a respectful discussion with friends. You are ridiculing me. There's a difference. Anyway this discussion isn't going anywhere and it's unlikely people you you and people like me would ever be friends so it's irrelevant.