Am I wrong for eating a sacred animal?

[MilkyCoffeeAndSkinnySyrup]

My DH is Hindu so he does not eat beef (he eats other meat though), but I eat beef because it has always been part of my diet (I am British). He always makes me feel guilty for cooking it and even having it in the fridge/freezer, but I always cook alternative meals for him so that he still has dinner! He says why am I bringing it into the house, why do I have to eat it in front of him, why can't I just live without it etc! AIBU to think that he cannot stop me from eating what I want?

I’m vegan and can’t bear the smell of bacon. I’ve told DH I don’t want him to cook it when I’m in the house and so he generally doesn’t. I think you could give up eating beef in the house for him - you could always eat it when you’re out and not with him. It’s one of those small sacrifices we make to keep others happy, isn’t it?

Don't have it in your fridge, just eat it when you're out and about. Who can be arsed to prepare two separate meals anyway? Just eat all the meat that's NOT considered sacred by his religion.

What's he eating when you eat the beef mince? Eat that.

So this is a recent development? In this case, do not force yourself to eat something you dislike because he discovered he could whine about something. I really object those born-again traditionalists when they try to enforce their preferences on somebody else.

There are lots of good reasons, apart from religious ones, for not eating beef. Watch Cowspiracy.

The issue I have with stuff like this is why does the person who chooses to not eat something for their own moral reasons, get the final say?

I knew someone whose Jewish father would feel sick if he knew bacon had been in the fridge. He didn't even have to be in the same room at the same time as the bacon to react.

Two people in disagreement about something are not in an equal position if one of them has a much higher consequence from losing the argument.

It does make a difference if previously he hasn’t been too bothered about the OP eating beef but now is. If he felt so strongly about it then he shouldn’t have married someone outside of his culture. He also chose to marry a non-Hindu woman so I don’t get why the onus is on the OP to defer. I wonder if he’s getting grief from his wider family over this matter

But perhaps the reason the DH views have now changed on it is because its being cooked around his food? I mean not caring if someone orders something when you are out is very different from accepting something into your home. So it does seem sort of reasonable that he might have an issue with seeing it in his house but not with the OP eating it out and about.

I think what you have suggested OP is the best course of action. Just cook it and eat it when hes not there. Or even at the very least if you are having beef one dinner just cook it at a slightly different time to his food and eat it in a different room so he does not have to look at it. I know its a bit of a faff but if you really want to eat beef and he doesnt want to see it then thats what you have to do I guess!!

Thought as much: now he's married to the OP he thinks he can start treating her like his 'wife' ie demanding obedience, particularly regarding stuff he wasn't bothered about before.

Vegetarian here so my reasons for not eating meat are not religious.

My dh and eldest ds are meat eaters, and my youngest ds eats chicken and fish. It's just my dd and I that are veggies.

Having meat in the house does not bother me. My reasons for not eating meat are mine, and I respect that other members of my family have other beliefs.
I don't feel that other people's religious beliefs should impact on others.
Your dh is entitled to have his views and beliefs, but so are you. You're a partnership so there should be no telling one or the other what they can and can't do (eat).

I would have thought that respecting the other person's beliefs and feelings would be basic to a marriage.

Agree with this.
It must be horrible for him to have the carcass of a sacred animal in his fridge

Thought as much: now he's married to the OP he thinks he can start treating her like his 'wife' ie demanding obedience, particularly regarding stuff he wasn't bothered about before.

I came on to say the same thing.

OP, have you reminded him that you've talked about this before and he said he didn't mind?

On a practical level, I'd say just don't cook it at home and eat it when you go out; that's what I'd do.

But I think you have bigger issues.

So he’s never had an issue with it before? Then he can be the one to leave when you want to eat it. I see many people suggesting you should eat in another room and at different times so it doesn’t make him feel uncomfortable, yet he was clearly comfortable with it before? He should be the one to avoid it then, he can cook his own meal at a different time when you want to eat beef. He doesn’t like t so he should look for a solution. He has changed, not you.

My DH isn't Hindu or vegetarian but he can't abide the thought of eating a cow. It upsets him...so I don't buy beef!

he wouldn't either if it were the other way round. We eat chicken and fish though. No pork either....pigs are too "bright".

I think you are being disrespectful having it in the house when he is there.

eat it when out and he is not around or when he is away as that is the kind thing to do.

@reanimated I agree with you 100%. First it's the beef, how long before it escalates to include other "sacred" things? It does sound misogynistic to me. All those saying that the OP should respect her husband because they're his beliefs, what about the husband's respect for his wife? Or does that go out of the window because he subscribes to a magical sky being?

My DP can’t bear fish and even the smell of it can make him feel queasy. I love fish, but only eat it if I am out with friends, or cook it in the house if he’s away. I just see it as manners, tbh, much the same as if he suddenly fancied cooking up some offal which would make me feel ill.

YABU. I can't see any valid reason for insisting on doing something that you know will cause him distress when there are so many other perfectly valid food alternatives available. It's not as if you will have to give up on beef for ever (not that it would be the end of the world if you did) - you can always have it in restaurants etc.

I'm with bakingaddict on this.

If he had really strong religious beliefs he would never have married OP. The fact that he wasn't bothered about her eating burgers before they got married, but is now, doesn't seem like a good sign to me.

I agree- bigger issues than a couple of beef burgers in the fridge.

Do you accept him as a Hindu and respect that? Is he a practising Hindu or is his diet the only thing he still holds onto? Does he want you to convert to Hinduism? Do his family accept you as a non Hindu?

Perhaps it would help you to research Hinduism more and try to understand it from your husband's point of view? Do you celebrate the Hindu festivals together? Do you understand the rituals involved? Do you know which denomination of Hinduism your husband belongs to?

I'm struggling to understand how your main issue is him complaining that you prepare beef in the house.

Talk it through. Come to a reasonable conclusion. It's not about control, it's about respect and compromise. In your shoes, I'd stop having it in the house.

Well I don't think YABU at all. I don't see why his culture is suddenly allowed to trump yours. It sounds like up until now the way you were both blending your cultures at home worked well... You cooked separate meals if you fancied beef and he didn't guilt trip you for eating things that are a large part of your cultural diet but forbidden in his.

You're a better person than I am if you do choose to stop eating beef - I don't take well at all to sudden changes in expectation.

Dh doesn't eat beef, I eat it occasionally the only time he complained about me eating it was when I was pregnant but conceded he couldn't stop me.

Eat it if you want to, it's his religion not yours.

If I lived with a Hindu I wouldn’t bring beef into the house. Not that difficult, is it?

I would be a bit pissed off if he tried to stop me eating it in a restaurant, though.

The big issue here is the change though, not the fact that OP's DP is Hindu. He was alright with her eating beef before recently.

The husband if one of my friends recently turned vegan, having previously been an enthusiastic meat eater. Does that mean she should be following a vegan diet at home on his say so even if she doesn't want to? No.