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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu- ball in neighbour's garden

507 replies

Ameliel · 04/04/2018 19:04

My two DS played football on the road outside our house today, and the ball accidentally went to a neighbour's garden. This was the 2nd time it happened, the first time my boys went to (politely) ask for the ball back and the lady in the house told them they should not knock on the door again. Instead, she would bring the ball back as and when she would find it.
This sounded a bit odd to me so when the ball went in today, I went with my son to ask for the ball back. Just as background info: we have lived here only just over a year and have not yet spoken to many people, including these neighbours who live three doors down. Its a leafy quiet suburb and the residents are mainly older people - not many families.
So I introduced myself and my son, and explained the ball had accidentally ended up in their garden again and apologised for the trouble. The lady was friendly to start with but firmly explained that "the rule" is that she does not want to be disturbed by kids knocking on her door, she is a keen gardener and so will eventually find the ball and return it at her convenience.
I pointed out that this could take days and the ball may not end up back to the right children (there are other kids too who play in the same location sometimes).
Anyway she was absolutely not budging and started telling me that I am disturbing her as she was about to serve dinner, and if I carry on we would not get the ball back at all.
I replied that I was a bit taken back by this attitude, it was not like the boys were kicking the ball in her garden by purpose, and it had only happened 2 times in total (including today).
She then slammed the door at my face!
AIBU or is she? I appreciate that it is annoying having to retrieve balls all the time, but surely its not such a big deal? She could have returned the ball twice over in the time it took to argue her case. I just really can't see why it is such a problem to go answer the door and give the ball back? Or am i missing some unwritten rule here (I'm not originally from UK, i've come across unwritten behavioural rules before, where I can't see anything wrong but my native husband thinks it is wrong) I don't want a neighbour war so please tell me, how would you handle this?
I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

OP posts:
Skatingfastonthinice · 04/04/2018 20:50

I don’t understand why the vitriol towards a woman who just wants your boys to leave her and her garden alone. Take them to a park they can play in, teach them better ball control skills, or get them to play something that isn’t sodding football and understand that balls in a carefully tended garden are a pita. If a named ball smashes something, are you prepared for a bill for damages?
You are the bad neighbour, not her.

Fijisky · 04/04/2018 20:51

agedknees - well everyone has a different dinner time, so how was the op to know it was the neighbors dinner time🤨

frankie001 · 04/04/2018 20:52

I don’t even have a garden but am with the neighbour on this one!

Unforgiven2018 · 04/04/2018 20:54

So, she slammed the door in your face in front of your son?? Wow! I love it when the older generation show young people how to behave. Makes me laugh how you always hear them moaning about how young people have no respect, yet they don't lead by example. Shocked at how many posters have agreed with her. Remember not to do her a favour if she ever needs one and yes, buy more balls!!

Fijisky · 04/04/2018 20:54

Pengggwn - Your right, my gang is doomed against your tiger! You win. Il start on your neighbor instead!

How much to get into your adult ball softplay?

agedknees · 04/04/2018 20:54

Fijisky, I wouldn’t bother anyone between the hours of 5.30pm -8pm in case they where eating. It’s common sense.

Idontdowindows · 04/04/2018 20:56

I love it when the older generation show young people how to behave.

Like how the OP showed her children how it was perfectly alright to ignore a very clear "do not knock on my door to get the ball back" just because she wanted the ball NOW?

Fijisky · 04/04/2018 20:56

agedknees - 5.30-8pm! Madness! I want to say between the times of 6.30-7.30, seems more sensible.

agedknees · 04/04/2018 20:58

Fijisky, they may have young children who eat early, old folk eat early, people working later etc, eat later.

kimanda · 04/04/2018 20:59

This line did me in...

I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

What a fucking nobhead attitude. How ANYone can support the OP after reading that just eludes me!

Pengggwn · 04/04/2018 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Hortonlovesahoo · 04/04/2018 21:00

My neighbours kids are lovely but I used to dread summer as every day we’ll have one or two balls in our garden. This was until our dogs started getting hold of them and returning them with puncture marks.

Fijisky · 04/04/2018 21:01

agedknees - why do old folk eat early ? They have all day to eat, they can also eat late if they want at 7pm approx to fit in with my 6.30-7.30 timescale.

Skatingfastonthinice · 04/04/2018 21:05

The neighbour won’t be needing anything from the OP, who has already been categorised as ‘rude woman with two entitled boys who don’t care about my lovely garden, or my dinner’

agedknees · 04/04/2018 21:06

Fijisky, people don’t have to eat to your timescale. This is a democracy you know. Free choice.

savagebaggagemaster · 04/04/2018 21:08

My dm ended up with 20 balls in her garden. All from the same family next door. The dc used to come and ask and she would give them back; it did get on her nerves a bit, but she tolerated it because she is too nice. Then they stopped asking for them and she just started to leave them in situ. I don't understand why the parents kept giving / buying their dc new balls! There is even a play park close by with proper goals, etc. Confused

Unforgiven2018 · 04/04/2018 21:08

Idontdowindows if you read the post correctly the neighbour said she did not want the kids knocking on her door again. That is why they were accompanied by an adult the second time. Kids get things wrong! How was the OP to know that they hadn't misinterpreted what had been said. Gosh! Reading replies on here it's easy to see why there are so many programmes made about neighbour wars. It seems the term "love thy neighbour" is something of a misdemeanour. As I said, buy more balls!!

Idontdowindows · 04/04/2018 21:10

Unforgiven so you think it's perfectly alright to argue with a neighbour over a clearly stated wish not to be disturbed for balls?

Wow.... Lovely neighbour you are.

kaitlinktm · 04/04/2018 21:10

They don't all eat early Hmm

Original poster
Ameliel · 04/04/2018 21:11

I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

...I WAS JOKING FGS! But yes was annoyed and hurt that she slammed the door on my face, in front of my son. Im not a mind reader so had no idea they were prepping dinner.. ive never met them before so really did not expect that response ! I literally arrived from work and my son caught me on street and explained the ball had gone in, he was a upset because he had no idea how to get it back ...I never thought it would be a problem to let them know it was there. As I've said before we did not expect to get it back there and then.

OP posts:
pilates · 04/04/2018 21:11

Take your children to the park. Not a good idea to play in the street you can damage cars, plants and annoy the neighbours.

colditz · 04/04/2018 21:11

www.theguardian.com/society/2004/dec/24/youthjustice.law

Is this you, fijisky?

FrancisCrawford · 04/04/2018 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fijisky · 04/04/2018 21:14

agedknees - if it’s free choice why did you say 5.30-8? People might not want to eat at your time scales either!

Peckalina · 04/04/2018 21:14

Crikey, it's a ball, in a garden that just needed to be handed back. I am amazed at the attitude of some posters towards the Op. Would it really be all that hard to let the kids run through and grab the ball. Who knows those very same kids might grow up and help the elderly neighbour out one day. Community spirit is obviously dead on this thread.