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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu- ball in neighbour's garden

507 replies

Ameliel · 04/04/2018 19:04

My two DS played football on the road outside our house today, and the ball accidentally went to a neighbour's garden. This was the 2nd time it happened, the first time my boys went to (politely) ask for the ball back and the lady in the house told them they should not knock on the door again. Instead, she would bring the ball back as and when she would find it.
This sounded a bit odd to me so when the ball went in today, I went with my son to ask for the ball back. Just as background info: we have lived here only just over a year and have not yet spoken to many people, including these neighbours who live three doors down. Its a leafy quiet suburb and the residents are mainly older people - not many families.
So I introduced myself and my son, and explained the ball had accidentally ended up in their garden again and apologised for the trouble. The lady was friendly to start with but firmly explained that "the rule" is that she does not want to be disturbed by kids knocking on her door, she is a keen gardener and so will eventually find the ball and return it at her convenience.
I pointed out that this could take days and the ball may not end up back to the right children (there are other kids too who play in the same location sometimes).
Anyway she was absolutely not budging and started telling me that I am disturbing her as she was about to serve dinner, and if I carry on we would not get the ball back at all.
I replied that I was a bit taken back by this attitude, it was not like the boys were kicking the ball in her garden by purpose, and it had only happened 2 times in total (including today).
She then slammed the door at my face!
AIBU or is she? I appreciate that it is annoying having to retrieve balls all the time, but surely its not such a big deal? She could have returned the ball twice over in the time it took to argue her case. I just really can't see why it is such a problem to go answer the door and give the ball back? Or am i missing some unwritten rule here (I'm not originally from UK, i've come across unwritten behavioural rules before, where I can't see anything wrong but my native husband thinks it is wrong) I don't want a neighbour war so please tell me, how would you handle this?
I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 04/04/2018 21:16

Peckaline, I used to think exactly the same. Let them get their balls, no skin off my nose.

Yeah, until the balls trashed my veggie patch, they yanked the branches of my fruit trees, scared the shit out of my cats and were generally speaking disrespectful.

So I changed to "you can't get it yourself, you have to ask" and then turned into 20 times a day in the summer.

So enough is enough, balls in my garden go in the bin.

Fijisky · 04/04/2018 21:17

This reply has been deleted

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Skatingfastonthinice · 04/04/2018 21:17

I think I’d just give the balls to any passing child as a gift.Or return them by booting them at the OP’s front window. Or give them back to the boys whilst exercising my rights to be naked in my own home with a feather duster. Or have the balls be victims of my archery practice. Or...send a bill for damages every time a ball came into my garden.
Why is it ok for footballers to do what the fuck they like, and everyone else has to accommodate them?

JacquesHammer · 04/04/2018 21:17

Would it really be all that hard to let the kids run through and grab the ball

Every time?

Far more reasonable for me to collect them once and throw them back at the end of the day when I have finished work.

Community spirit works both ways.

crazycatgal · 04/04/2018 21:18

YABU. Tell your kids to play near your house and not anyone else's. Kids who play loud ball games in the street never play in front of their own house though - I wonder why.

FrancisCrawford · 04/04/2018 21:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Unforgiven2018 · 04/04/2018 21:20

Idontdowindows You seem to be reading words that are simply not there. Nowhere in my post did I say that and there is no mention of an "argument" in the original post. Don't worry, it's after 9pm and I guess you've hit the wine and it's made you the argumentative one. Bless!! Zzzzzzzz

BrendasUmbrella · 04/04/2018 21:21

You said the woman is a keen gardener, it's probably very annoying for projectiles to land where she has things planted. Put some tilted netting up around the edges of your garden to catch balls.

I’d have insisted on having OUR ball back, now

If I lived near someone with an attitude like yours, the ball would be getting a sneaky jab with a compass on its way back to you...

saoirse31 · 04/04/2018 21:21

Am I missing something? Do kids walk past their ball in a garden, to knock on the front door, and ask neighbour to give them back the ball? Would it not be normal to just get their ball themselves?

If its back garden, I agree with op tbh. I think she's unnecessarily rude

Idontdowindows · 04/04/2018 21:22

I replied that I was a bit taken back by this attitude, it was not like the boys were kicking the ball in her garden by purpose, and it had only happened 2 times in total (including today).

This is considered arguing. The neighbour had clearly stated she did not want to be disturbed by the boys and OP had to argue the toss.

ObiJuanKenobi · 04/04/2018 21:24

Last summer the kids at the back of me knocked on my door 4 times in one day for their ball back, on the 3rd time I told them I was fed up with it and on the 4th I gave it back to them with a slash in the side. It's not happened since.. it's amazing how careful kids can be when they can actually be bothered.

You have no right to pester her about your children's lost property, she didn't take it from him.

busybuildingdens · 04/04/2018 21:26

I would not expect any balls my kids kicked into somebody else’s garden to be returned. I would hope so, but you cannot guarantee it. I’m not saying you were unreasonable to ask, but YWBU to start debating with her when she said now wasn’t convenient.
To the posters who have said just let the kids retrieve the ball themselves, I have had this (not approved by me!) but as some of them have damaged things in the process, I don’t want ANY kids coming in to my garden. It can be hard to work out who are the nice kids and who are the trouble makers, and I have other stuff to be doing than retrieving balls/figuring out which kids can come into my garden or not.

lalalalyra · 04/04/2018 21:28

I think what a lot of people, including the OP, are missing is that the problem isn't just one child and one ball. It's not even one polite child knocking on the door for their ball twice in a week.

It's when you get rude kids banging on the door 5/6/7 times a day - every sodding day during the summer holidays - and/or kids that can't be trusted to go in and get it themselves.

A lot of the neighbourly friendliness in our street has been absolutely ruined by one family. Their kid doesn't play in front of their house (apparently the noise is annoying lol) so they play in front of other people's houses and they are the ones that get the bell rung (finger pressed constant until you answer) and get greeted with "Ball's in the garden". Not a sorry, or a please or thank you in sight. Last summer twice I hadn't even got my arse back on the sofa when he was back at the door...

If it's irritating enough for me when I've got 6 kids, including one 8-yo who is in and out and in and out and in out all day long then I can totally see why the other neighbours have absolutely had enough.

ConstantReminder · 04/04/2018 21:30

Is this for real? Your children are repeatedly annoying her, you interrupted her when she was serving dinner and was rude when she didn't immediately scurry around to retrieve a toy - and you want to compound it ? Have some basic decent manners and apologise to her ffs

Says it all!

Can you imagine this in reverse! Old lady keeps lobbing stuff over her neighbours fences and regularly turns up banging on the door to get you to stop what you are doing and retrieve them for her. Wonder how long it would be before you got annoyed. (While she just made her ground rules crystal clear to your kids, and you sought to challenge her).

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 04/04/2018 21:31

I suspect her garden is her sanctuary and it could be quite distressing to have balls coming over your hedge when you are trying to relax and enjoy your space.

DopeyDazy · 04/04/2018 21:33

kids that kick footballs in gardens finish up as thugs and drug dealers. Read that in Daily Mail

Peckalina · 04/04/2018 21:34

DopeyDazy I totally agree.

Blondephantom · 04/04/2018 21:39

We had an issue at our old house where balls would regularly come flying into our garden from next door. There was a gate so they could access it so I told them to just get it. Unfortunately, they started ‘borrowing’ my children’s toys at the same time. So I started putting the lock on the gate. I did warn the neighbour that this would happen and I’d throw the ball over when I saw it. This usually happened within a couple of hours each time.

About a week later, I had been late in from work, picked a take away (and wine) up on the way home and was just enjoying a long soak in the bath when there was an almighty racket of someone screaming like they were being murdered and hammering at my door like they were trying to break it in. When I answered, my neighbour asked if she could have her kid back as he had got stuck in my garden after climbing over the wall to get his ball and finding he couldn’t get back over.

It wasn’t funny at the time - least of all for the mum who didn’t know I’d returned home. I did just have a chuckle wondering if I am the only one to have been asked for a kid back instead of a ball though...

mummy2oneandtwo · 04/04/2018 21:43

Totally with your neighbour. I've lived with constant balls coming into the garden and being called to throw it back every few minutes. She is being fair, she'll throw them back when it's convenient to her, if they don't want to wait, then they should play somewhere else.

TSSDNCOP · 04/04/2018 21:45

Sooooo U

CaviarAndCigarettes · 04/04/2018 21:46

A lot of kids play football on the very quiet street next to our house. Before 6pm I'm happy to throw it over the wall if they knock. They're always very polite.
The first time it happened I told them it's not a problem during the day but please don't ring the bell after 6 as that's when my kids go to bed. They've honoured it so I'm inclined to be courteous. If they rang at 9/10 pm I'd be less courteous.
I do quite often find their ball in my garden at 7/8pm and I just pop it over and am thankful they didn't disturb me.

TigerlilyMoon · 04/04/2018 21:47

I have two sons and if they ran to me saying their ball had wound up in a neighbour's garden but they had reservations about going to get it as they were previously warned they would not be helped a second time... I would be like "Lesson learnt then!! Take better care of your stuff and stop being so bloody entitled!" Perfect teaching experience! I keep my kids in line and if they don't look after their belongings then tough tits. They'll learn not to do it again!

I'm 35 BTW so I'm not exactly out of touch. Also we have all glass across the back of our property so if any kids appeared in our back garden they run the risk of getting a good look at either me or my husband walking around half naked as we both work from home!! No one wants to see that!! :-/ haha x

cornflowery · 04/04/2018 21:48

I think you were probably both being a bit U.
She does sound unnecessarily difficult.
But then again when my DS was just starting to eat / sit in highchair someone rang my door bell. I didn't answer as I was feeding him dinner but they just kept ringing and ringing (I guess they could see the lights were on). I checked baby was safe in the chair and ran to get the door - a little boy started to explain about his ball. I told him I would chuck it over later but I was in the middle of feeding my baby at that moment and I had to get back to him as I shouldn't leave him in the highchair.
About an hour later I was still feeding baby (BLW so very slow and experimental) and the bell rings again. And again. And then they just held the bell button down. I run to the door to be met by him again. I explained immediately that I would throw the ball back later but I had to go as was feeding baby and needed to get back to him.
After this dinner I bathed him and put him to bed and collapsed in bed myself. Then the fucking bell goes again. It was him with the back up of his mother. I was so annoyed by this I just felt like telling her to teach her son holding down someones doorbell is extremely rude especially when they have already told you they are feeding a young baby.... But in reality I just threw the ball back. I know I definitely wasn't BU though!

TigerlilyMoon · 04/04/2018 21:51

PS i'd pop a personal note through the neighbour's letter box apologising for my kids being a pain in the arse. I wouldn't want an elderly lady feeling ostracized by anyone on her street.

MrMeSeeks · 04/04/2018 21:51

Wow, some posts on here Confused

We had the same rule growing up, if it went over the fence then it was returned when it was convenient to my neighbours.
Amazingly we got on great.
I never went round and bothered them. My fault, too bad.