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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu- ball in neighbour's garden

507 replies

Ameliel · 04/04/2018 19:04

My two DS played football on the road outside our house today, and the ball accidentally went to a neighbour's garden. This was the 2nd time it happened, the first time my boys went to (politely) ask for the ball back and the lady in the house told them they should not knock on the door again. Instead, she would bring the ball back as and when she would find it.
This sounded a bit odd to me so when the ball went in today, I went with my son to ask for the ball back. Just as background info: we have lived here only just over a year and have not yet spoken to many people, including these neighbours who live three doors down. Its a leafy quiet suburb and the residents are mainly older people - not many families.
So I introduced myself and my son, and explained the ball had accidentally ended up in their garden again and apologised for the trouble. The lady was friendly to start with but firmly explained that "the rule" is that she does not want to be disturbed by kids knocking on her door, she is a keen gardener and so will eventually find the ball and return it at her convenience.
I pointed out that this could take days and the ball may not end up back to the right children (there are other kids too who play in the same location sometimes).
Anyway she was absolutely not budging and started telling me that I am disturbing her as she was about to serve dinner, and if I carry on we would not get the ball back at all.
I replied that I was a bit taken back by this attitude, it was not like the boys were kicking the ball in her garden by purpose, and it had only happened 2 times in total (including today).
She then slammed the door at my face!
AIBU or is she? I appreciate that it is annoying having to retrieve balls all the time, but surely its not such a big deal? She could have returned the ball twice over in the time it took to argue her case. I just really can't see why it is such a problem to go answer the door and give the ball back? Or am i missing some unwritten rule here (I'm not originally from UK, i've come across unwritten behavioural rules before, where I can't see anything wrong but my native husband thinks it is wrong) I don't want a neighbour war so please tell me, how would you handle this?
I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

OP posts:
StaplesCorner · 04/04/2018 20:34

I think Fijisky has lost a ball or two somewhere along the line (and would remind you all its half term in most parts of the country so Fij is allowed up well late).

WunWegWunDarWun · 04/04/2018 20:34

How is it unfair though? She doesn't want to be bothered by kids knocking on her door expecting her to run around after them and told them that. Then told you that. She wasn't asking your opinion on the matter. Why should she have a debate about something she's made her mind up on while she's serving dinner? Her opinions and rules about her own garden are none of your business.

Rachie1973 · 04/04/2018 20:35

Fijisky
since you have so much stuff to do in your house

As opposed to you, who have planned out how you will trespass and ruin peoples stuff without getting caught.

I took my CCTV down. It was easier getting away with slapping the little fuckers that way. Works a treat.

Mightymucks · 04/04/2018 20:35

A woman in my mother’s road got quite justifiably pissed off with having her bell rung multiple times a day by kids kicking balls in there then demanding it back straight away. She instituted a similar rule and if anybody went in her garden without her permission she sprayed them with a water pistol with that anti-vandal/robbery paint in it (she did have a warning up for trespassers re that).

I really can’t see the problem, she agreed to return the ball at a time convenient to her and if it was that bloody precious they should take more care.

Football is best played in the park and this sort of thing usually comes up because their parents are too bloody bone idle to take them there and expect their neighbours to put up with the inconvenience of having their street turned into a play park instead.

Museumland · 04/04/2018 20:35

My sympathies are with your neighbour I am afraid. From her point of view a ball has landed in her garden which does not belong there, so that in itself is an annoyance and it is the second time it has happened in a relatively short period. If you are knocking in the evening there is a good chance she will be busy. Simply put you are asking her to do you a favour and as such it should be on her terms. I know you say that it happened to you in your old home and it wasn't a big deal but that may be because it is reciprocal here it does not sound as though there is any chance of the ball falling into your house...

choli · 04/04/2018 20:36

there not staying in there all day, just nipping in and out.
The sort of children that nip in and out of gardens without permission tend also to be the type that take great joy in stamping on planting and doing other damage.

Rachie1973 · 04/04/2018 20:36

Ameliel
I have always tried to teach my kids to be polite and considerate

B- then. Must try harder as they're ignoring the womans wishes!

AnnieAnoniMouser · 04/04/2018 20:36

I’d have kept ringing the doorbell until she came back. I’d have insisted on having OUR ball back, now. Rude woman

Get on well with your neighbours do you Annie?

That’s in no way a reasonable response. You be bullying her

Yes, I get on really well with my neighbours thanks, because we don’t go slamming the door in each other’s faces.

I’d have had no problem with her saying ‘I’m busy now, what number are are you I’ll bring it back tomorrow, or call again tomorrow morning’ but she didn’t. She was rude, she gave them no idea when or how they’d get their ball back and she slammed the door in their faces.

Bullying...Jesus wept. Everything someone doesn’t like these days is bullying or abuse. It makes a complete mockery of actual bullying & abuse.

JacquesHammer · 04/04/2018 20:37

I work from home @fijisky do you honestly think it’s acceptable for me to break off every time a football goes in my garden?

A new family moved in and it kept happening. I said the same - not to interrupt me but I would return them all at the end of the day. Miraculously once I told them that, they discovered a new found ability to keep balls in their garden.

KC225 · 04/04/2018 20:37

Wow. I am glad I don't live near most of the people on this thread. Twice. Twice. Way to go to make a new family welcome. How petty of her not to go and fetch the ball when you knocked - she had made her point to the boys.

She sounds like a self important harridan. I suspect there will be many rules and regulations to come OP. Steer clear.

In keeping with the other threads, send her an invoice for rental.

StaplesCorner · 04/04/2018 20:38

The reason I went over in first place was just to clarify what she had said to the kids - I thought it sounded a bit harsh. - you mean you couldn't believe she wouldn't do what your kids wanted, when they wanted it.

I guess I was hoping that she would say "yes no problem I'll leave the ball outside our front later, for you to collect. " - because as we all know, OP's kids are very much entitled to this.

Fijisky · 04/04/2018 20:38

BustopherJones - of course we dance and rap! You have to be able to rap blackalicious BACKWARDS to get into our gang.

IHatemeat · 04/04/2018 20:39

I’m with the old lady. It’s annoying having kids kicking balls into your garden. Some parents are really selfish

kimanda · 04/04/2018 20:40

If someone kept ringing my doorbell continually, I'd knock the fuckers on their back with the jet from my hosepipe.

Fijisky · 04/04/2018 20:41

JacquesHammer - no of course not! That’s why the kids can just go in your garden and get the ball! No need to bother you while your at work! Silly you.

JacquesHammer · 04/04/2018 20:43

@fijisky well sure if they can scale the 6 foot dry stone walls.

Or is that really “silly you” for assuming everyone’s garden can be accessed...my side gate is always locked.

Chrisinthemorning · 04/04/2018 20:44

Not everyone has a garden others can access. They would have to climb the fence to get into ours. Is that OK? What if they hurt themselves? Who pays if they break my fence? Not happening. Just wait and I will throw it back at my convenience.

Pengggwn · 04/04/2018 20:46

Our garden isn't accessible without the child placing themselves in harm's way. It's the moat and the tiger, mostly.

auditqueen · 04/04/2018 20:46

We have a Labrador who tends to sort out Lost ball problems fairly quickly - 9 times out of 10 before we have even noticed

My German shepherd does the same. If she's really on form she will catch the ball as it goes over the fence! Luckily our neighbours children are lovely and their parents have told them about the perils of kicking a ball into a garden where there's a young, playful dog......sometimes I think they do it so she catches it as they seem to find it hilarious. We always replace dog punctured balls by the way.

anxious2017 · 04/04/2018 20:47

YABU

The summer here is a constant stream of both next door's kids banging the door constantly to get their ball back. I'm disabled and can't get out there. DH works full time. I also have severe ptsd and the door knocking is a massive trigger so I spend most of the summer quivering in bed. If DS is home, sometimes he'll answer and retrieve but if he's not, tough.

AnnieAnoniMouser · 04/04/2018 20:47

poster StaplesCorner Wed 04-Apr-18 20:03:25
Annie - I’d have kept ringing the doorbell until she came back. I’d have insisted on having OUR ball back, now - so you're the same as the man near us who said we'd stolen his ball as we couldn't find it? And then we ound out the elderly lady next door had it - we took it from her so as he could "blame" us and not be abusive to her. After all, I'm sure you of all people would agree its best if an adult who didn't get his ball NOW shouts in the face of another adult rather than an 80 year old lady isn't it? Or is everyone fair game?

What? Jesus, that’s a very long stretch of your imagination.

No, if a perfectly reasonable adult said they’d didn’t have it, I’d believe them and try next door.

You are spectacularly missing the point. The OP, an adult, went to talk to the woman to get the kids ball back & see whatbwas what. The woman said she give it back when she was ready & the OP asked how she’d know who it belonged to...the woman then threatened not to return the ball at all and slammed the door in the OP’s face.

cycledad · 04/04/2018 20:49

My 2 cents worth - I was 1 of about 12 kids in my street who kept losing our balls over a particular neighbours fence, after the 5th or 6th ball they stopped getting returned. We went and played somewhere else so we didn’t lose our balls anymore. I can see now that I am older and supposedly wiser, how annoying it can be for someone getting up and down every 5 minutes to answer the door about balls. Take your child to the park or give them a tennis ball to play football with.

Fijisky · 04/04/2018 20:49

JacquesHammer- damn it, you get to keep the ball then!

BUT pengggwn moat might be a problem! Half of the hoodies can’t swim, couldn’t afford the swimming lessons after buying all the balls to annoy the neighbors!

agedknees · 04/04/2018 20:50

Yabu. Why did you bother someone at dinner time. Could you not have been more considerate and waited? No wonder you got the door slammed in your face.

Pengggwn · 04/04/2018 20:50

Fijisky

They don't get to try the moat until they get past the tiger.