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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu- ball in neighbour's garden

507 replies

Ameliel · 04/04/2018 19:04

My two DS played football on the road outside our house today, and the ball accidentally went to a neighbour's garden. This was the 2nd time it happened, the first time my boys went to (politely) ask for the ball back and the lady in the house told them they should not knock on the door again. Instead, she would bring the ball back as and when she would find it.
This sounded a bit odd to me so when the ball went in today, I went with my son to ask for the ball back. Just as background info: we have lived here only just over a year and have not yet spoken to many people, including these neighbours who live three doors down. Its a leafy quiet suburb and the residents are mainly older people - not many families.
So I introduced myself and my son, and explained the ball had accidentally ended up in their garden again and apologised for the trouble. The lady was friendly to start with but firmly explained that "the rule" is that she does not want to be disturbed by kids knocking on her door, she is a keen gardener and so will eventually find the ball and return it at her convenience.
I pointed out that this could take days and the ball may not end up back to the right children (there are other kids too who play in the same location sometimes).
Anyway she was absolutely not budging and started telling me that I am disturbing her as she was about to serve dinner, and if I carry on we would not get the ball back at all.
I replied that I was a bit taken back by this attitude, it was not like the boys were kicking the ball in her garden by purpose, and it had only happened 2 times in total (including today).
She then slammed the door at my face!
AIBU or is she? I appreciate that it is annoying having to retrieve balls all the time, but surely its not such a big deal? She could have returned the ball twice over in the time it took to argue her case. I just really can't see why it is such a problem to go answer the door and give the ball back? Or am i missing some unwritten rule here (I'm not originally from UK, i've come across unwritten behavioural rules before, where I can't see anything wrong but my native husband thinks it is wrong) I don't want a neighbour war so please tell me, how would you handle this?
I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

OP posts:
SpringNowPlease2018 · 05/04/2018 18:43

momof - interesting that you mention family neighbourhoods. obviously there's no rules about this kind of thing but I did notice OP said this

"Its a leafy quiet suburb and the residents are mainly older people - not many families"

so according to your rules, OP should not have bought a house there, because it certainly sounds like there's disruption of a leafy quiet suburb going on?

I didn't grow up in a leafy quiet suburb, I doubt I'll ever afford to live in one, but it must be a right pisser to live in such a nice place and then have kids playing in the street.

Turnitaroundagain · 05/04/2018 18:49

Your reply reflects exactly the common attitude to kids to which I refer.
I appreciate that being disturbed can be inconvenient but I’m sure there could be positives from having a bit of tolerance towards other people especially children. The neighbourly thing goes both ways. But y’know, I’m me and you’re you, different people

MrMeSeeks · 05/04/2018 18:49

@momof5gmof2 If you've had several neighbours complain about your children then surely there is a problem?
Agreed, i wouldn't be proud that i’d made neighbours move.

Lizzie48 · 05/04/2018 18:53

I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

I see quite a lot of posters have taken issue with this, but the OP has said this was meant as a joke, not seriously. But people on MN don't do jokes. Hmm

I wouldn't be at all bothered by balls in our garden tbh, so no, I don't understand the hostility from the neighbour. I wouldn't have pushed further though in that instance as it was clearly a bad time. It would have been better to leave it and just tell the DCs to be more careful in future, it is her garden after all.

YoThePussy · 05/04/2018 18:56

Surprised the thread has got to 15 pages and no one has stated the obvious when OP’s garden is a quagmire. Encourage the little darlings to take up mud wrestling.

ISaidIWasTired · 05/04/2018 18:57

This reply has been deleted

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Juells · 05/04/2018 18:59

I dread the summer, little b'stards kicking balls all day out on the street, shouting and running and screaming. If there isn't a gang then it's just one on his own, bouncing a ball off a wall over and over and over again. I can't have the windows at the front of my house open because of the noise. I hates 'em I do...

Graphista · 05/04/2018 19:01

Momof5 so THREE households complained about your kids! Most Brits are loathe to complain about anything so by the time it gets to complaints it must be pretty bad and one set of neighbours actually moved - you must have been NIGHTMARES to live near

Are your grandchildren as annoying and badly behaved as your DC were?

SpringNowPlease2018 · 05/04/2018 19:02

ISaidIWasTired "Where is the joy in life going FFS?! "

you don't know what joy she was enjoying when there was an interruption at her door. Yes I know she said she was making dinner
Grin

jokes aside, there is a lot of joy in life that's being lost because people are inconsiderate and this is a great example.

SpringNowPlease2018 · 05/04/2018 19:03

also does anyone's idea of "joy" = trudge out to boggy garden to retrieve muddy ball?

FrancisCrawford · 05/04/2018 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Smudge100 · 05/04/2018 19:06

YABU and it’s a battle you won’t win. Once the balls are in HER garden she can return them at her leisure (as she has politely undertaken to do) or not at all, which she will probably decide to do if you and your kids go on acting like like pests. Old people like peace and quiet and you should teach your children to respect other people’s needs, not that it is ok to start a campaign of harassment just because people don’t jump whenever you click your fingers. I’m glad you’re not my neighbour but with your attitude i wouldn’t have been half as polite to you as this lady. Since you are not familiar with this country, you need to know w3 have strong laws on harassment.

Shell4429 · 05/04/2018 19:07

My neighbours child frequently kicks balls into my garden. The first time he knocked I told him not to bother knocking next time and just come into the garden to get it. It’s an arrangement that suits us both very well.

NutCase82 · 05/04/2018 19:08

Neighbour is a bit abrupt/rude but maybe write your address on the ball with a ‘please return to..’ I hate people knocking on my door, it sets my dogs off, upsets the baby, maybe wakes me or stresses me and annoying to have to run to answer it hoping maybe it’s worth it if it’s the post etc.

stereolovely · 05/04/2018 19:09

This personally drives me bonkers. The kids next door are forever kicking their balls into our garden, sometimes including leather balls and they have smacked off the windows. At first they let themselves into the garden to retrieve them but would stare in the windows at us and leave the gate open and banging off the wall. So we bought a padlock for the gate. They would then come to the door to ask for the ball back. It was getting to be three times a week. I started telling them I would return their ball when I was next in the garden. One week I had 8 balls in the garden!
What pissed me off most was that there are 3 football pitches within a few minutes walk away and their friend across the road has the biggest garden in the street and it has no immediate neighbours.
Cheeky fuckers all round.

FrancisCrawford · 05/04/2018 19:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Abbylee · 05/04/2018 19:14

@humblefuddle can you plant picky bushes? I had a neighbor who solved the problem that way.

SleightOfMind · 05/04/2018 19:16

My elderly neighbour finds it hard to bend down and pick up balls so I go round every so often and retrieve anything that’s intruded from our garden.

The DCs (I’ve got 4) know I’m not going to drop everything to fetch their stuff and that ball over the fence = game over for the foreseeable.

They’re a lot more careful where the ball goes now Grin

Also, if your neighbour is a keen gardener, she’ll be pretty annoyed at her plants being flattened by balls. Ask the D.C. to be a little more careful.

Skatingfastonthinice · 05/04/2018 19:19

Abbeylee, you do realise that you are proving the point I was making? She didn’t return the balls, your children stopped playing by the fence. You threatened to return thrown rocks the same way, no more rocks.
Negative consequence, the unwanted behaviour usually changes for the better.

Iseveryusernametaken · 05/04/2018 19:23

There could be many reasons why she has taken issue. It may happen a lot with other children, she might have mobility issues, or maybe even just answering the door is an ordeal. Most people aren't just mean. I would probably take the high ground, buy her a bunch of flowers and take the kids round to apologise for upsetting her and that you feel that you've got off on the wrong foot.

If she's still horrible, then she is just plain mean and there will be no reasoning with her ... But at least you tried.

SpringNowPlease2018 · 05/04/2018 19:28

Um....why is taking the kids round again a good idea? Apologetic note through door makes more sense.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 05/04/2018 19:30

Haven't read whole tread
Why was a ball going into a neighbour 3 doors down ? What's wrong with your garden space ? Or the park , or soccer club etc
Not everyone likes the noise of kids playing and kids dont play out in UK like they used to
She was reasonable in saying she'd bring balls back in her own time
You were unreasonable to argue to such a point she slammed door
If you want good relations take flowers and an apology
If you don't care, buy bag of balls keep away

Abbylee · 05/04/2018 19:31

@findingmyfeet12 I'm so sorry for your troubles. I hope OP reads your post. It is the most important one, I think. I remember being upset and unable to attend mother's day at mil. Nobody understood. Or cared.

Everyone has a bag of troubles to carry and most of us hide them. Who knows why someone does anything? It's seldom all about any one of us.

Aside from the crabby lady who could break speed records for gathering up balls, most of us, are kind when possible. (She also sicced her dog on my pregnant friend who was pushing a stroller so she REALLY was a crabby old bat)

Best wishesFlowers

momof5gmof2 · 05/04/2018 19:31

The neighbours that complained were: the old lady that lived next door that hated kids, and the 2 behind were 2 diff families in the same house, the first set moved because they were an old couple that hated kids.. and the ones there now are also old and not into kids. All the other people in the neighbourhood love us (when a kid went missing, they came to our house looking for them as we had tons of kids over all the time). I am always baking lots of little cakes, muffins, brownies, and cookies for the neighbourhood children, bake sales at the school, etc. My kids are now teens and early twenties, and we still have lots of their friends over lots. My grandkids have fun together when here too. (one lives with us with her mom that is single and one lives with my eldest and his wife and visit when they can). The rest of the neighbourhood have kids too, or even younger, and my girls have all been babysitters for many families in the area. It is only the families that hate kids that don't like our family. The one behind that moved, wanted the kids to be quiet all the time, if they were jumping on the trampoline and yelling they used to go in the back and tell them to shut up. My kids were just being normal kids. My husband used to encourage them to yell louder when they complained actually.

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 05/04/2018 19:34

She just shut the door on you, didn't she? You just changed it to slamming to get sympathy.

She is totally normal and you sound hilariously up yourself.