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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu- ball in neighbour's garden

507 replies

Ameliel · 04/04/2018 19:04

My two DS played football on the road outside our house today, and the ball accidentally went to a neighbour's garden. This was the 2nd time it happened, the first time my boys went to (politely) ask for the ball back and the lady in the house told them they should not knock on the door again. Instead, she would bring the ball back as and when she would find it.
This sounded a bit odd to me so when the ball went in today, I went with my son to ask for the ball back. Just as background info: we have lived here only just over a year and have not yet spoken to many people, including these neighbours who live three doors down. Its a leafy quiet suburb and the residents are mainly older people - not many families.
So I introduced myself and my son, and explained the ball had accidentally ended up in their garden again and apologised for the trouble. The lady was friendly to start with but firmly explained that "the rule" is that she does not want to be disturbed by kids knocking on her door, she is a keen gardener and so will eventually find the ball and return it at her convenience.
I pointed out that this could take days and the ball may not end up back to the right children (there are other kids too who play in the same location sometimes).
Anyway she was absolutely not budging and started telling me that I am disturbing her as she was about to serve dinner, and if I carry on we would not get the ball back at all.
I replied that I was a bit taken back by this attitude, it was not like the boys were kicking the ball in her garden by purpose, and it had only happened 2 times in total (including today).
She then slammed the door at my face!
AIBU or is she? I appreciate that it is annoying having to retrieve balls all the time, but surely its not such a big deal? She could have returned the ball twice over in the time it took to argue her case. I just really can't see why it is such a problem to go answer the door and give the ball back? Or am i missing some unwritten rule here (I'm not originally from UK, i've come across unwritten behavioural rules before, where I can't see anything wrong but my native husband thinks it is wrong) I don't want a neighbour war so please tell me, how would you handle this?
I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

OP posts:
SpringNowPlease2018 · 05/04/2018 17:57

@Turnitaroundagain

"None of us lives on our own little island."

not relevant. people have all kinds of lives. I'm working bizarre hours this week and will be sleeping at odd times. I could be in the middle of a workout. I could be skyping someone. anything could be happening.

if you don't know the person well enough to have their number, drop a text and say "Can we pop round to get the ball back" then you don't know them well enough to ring the doorbell to disturb them for something that's not an emergency.

People living in a community are a varied group. Everyone does different stuff. It's not hard to know that and behave accordingly.

also, OP had already been told the neighbour would return the ball at their convenience which is fair enough anyway.

Also, playing football in the street when anything could get damaged sounds nuts. Okay, garden was a quagmire - not a reason to kick the ball around in the road.

J1963 · 05/04/2018 17:57

She sounds miserable. My neighbour has two boys always playing football. If I see the ball I throw it back but I said they don't need to knock my door. They are well behaved polite kids so I said they can just come in the garden and search. I have more things to worry about than an occasional football.

Graphista · 05/04/2018 18:00

Yep I was raised by parents who were raised in glasgow in the 50's/60's many tales of if they misbehaved (in a way that would be called antisocial behaviour now) the neighbours, police, priest, passing teachers would clout them, marxh them home, tell their parents what they'd been up to at which point they'd get another clout!

Turquoise123 · 05/04/2018 18:00

Wow it would never occur to me to be difficult about children playing. I find this very sad and I hope you find a way round it.

A shame all round

Graphista · 05/04/2018 18:02

"None of us lives on our own little island."

Actually contrary to your use of this - all the MORE reason op and her DC need to show consideration for the neighbour via good manners.

Abbylee · 05/04/2018 18:03

I beg your pardon skating? Entitled? For a ball? That's harsh.

We had a neighbor who could break speed records for gathering up balls that landed on her grass. They were never returned. Ever. My dc stopped playing by the fence.

Her neighbors had children who threw egg sized rocks over our fence to hit my dc. When i went over with the rocks, their mother said,"they wouldn't do that, I'm s teacher." HmmConfused

I told her they'd be returned the same way. No more rocks.

purplelila2 · 05/04/2018 18:04

You are an idiot, why should she be bothered several times a day by children playing in the road and having to go in and out of her garden.

A road isn't a park and not made for ball games.

Fyi it's an offence to play 'ball games' on the road.

Highways Act 1980
S161
(3)If a person plays at football or any other game on a highway to the annoyance of a user of the highway he is guilty of an offence and liable to a fine not exceeding[F3level 1 on the standard scale].

Ruscoex2 · 05/04/2018 18:15

I live next to a small enclosed playground area next to a block of flats. No ball games are supposed to be played but more often than not they are.
I do start out trying to return most balls straight away but in the summer months it can get extremely annoying especially when you have kids knocking at your door for the 4th time in 20 mins and then knocking again at 9.30 at night by teenagers.
It does get to the point that I've had to say no and I’ll throw them over when I’m next in the garden.
Accidents do happen and I can see how you would feel disgruntled that your children are effectively being punished for that, but you have to see it from her point of view. She is entitled to relax in her home and garden free from intrusion and interruption.
Speak to your children explain the situation so that they are more careful. Mark the ball with your door number and perhaps next time you see her try and come to an amicable arrangement that they can knock once for a return but if it goes over again they must wait.

Singadream · 05/04/2018 18:17

Yanbu. We were all kids once. It may be annoying but she should just suck it up.

lovesugarfreejelly63 · 05/04/2018 18:18

Amel, can you not find a local park for the children to play, am sympathetic towards your neighbour, having to answer the door to request having balls retrieved from her garden (second time around). Enough to make anyone annoyed especially at dinnertime!

Underappreciatedtococreator · 05/04/2018 18:18

I think she needs the stick removed from her rear. What a rude and nasty person. It’s a ball just return it to the poor child. It’s shocking how rude and selfish some people are. 30 seconds out her day wouldn’t kill her.

SpringNowPlease2018 · 05/04/2018 18:19

@Singadream "We were all kids once"

yes, and we were not allowed to kick a ball in the street. Garden soggy? Find something to do indoors.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 05/04/2018 18:19

Stop letting your children play in the street ffs.

ConstantReminder · 05/04/2018 18:21

Idiocy.
OP ~ your kids were told not to knock the door again. Your kids gave you that message.
Despite that your prance round and knock the neighbours door!!
No wonder she closed the door as you obviously wanted to debate the issue on her doorstep, disturbing her even more.
What do you not understand?
Supervise your kids so they do not disturb your neighbours!
Your neighbours house is hers and she is entitled to live in it undisturbed.

Singadream · 05/04/2018 18:22

That’s sad @SpringNowPlease2018, I was allowed to. A great childhood pleasure playing in the street.

Tiredeypops · 05/04/2018 18:23

She was rude because you ignored her request not to ring the bell again. She was polite the first time. Other people’s kids aren’t cute to everyone. I’m 100% on her side. The kids can wait for their football and learn to play in the park.

Too PP that suggest nipping into the garden - Kids hopping into my garden and invading my privacy would piss me off waaaay more though. I don’t want folk looking in to my house

SpringNowPlease2018 · 05/04/2018 18:25

Singadream "A great childhood pleasure playing in the street."

I'm really glad we didn't. But tbh I don't see how we could have safely kicked a ball around in the street without risking breaking windows and denting cars. It's one thing to play hopscotch on the pavement - though again with a back garden I don't see why kids need to be playing in the street.

we did have one neighbour who made her kids play in the street because she didn't want them to spoil the garden. I felt sorry for them! but she never let them kick a ball around.

findingmyfeet12 · 05/04/2018 18:26

None of us know that lady or why she behaved in that way.

For all the people saying they're just children and she should "suck it up" where's your compassion?

It's just a ball and it's been kicked into her garden. Give her a break.

I have had a battle with infertility for 8 years and there have been days (after failed ivf) when it's been too painful to even look at a child. I'd have probably behaved in the same way. I'd probably have been called a miserable old bag as well by the likes of you without a thought to what my life might be like.

Regardless of that, it's not on to let children play ball games in the street.

SpringNowPlease2018 · 05/04/2018 18:26

"Stop letting your children play in the street ffs."

oh I didn't see this. My favourite comment of the thread! Grin

succinct!

ittakes2 · 05/04/2018 18:28

If she is three doors down from you and your boys were playing in front of the house on the road - I’m a little confused as to how the ball ended up in her backyard. I know it’s frustrating - my son’s friend deliberately kicked an expense ball of our’s into a backyard next to their school and the owner would not give it back - but unfort that is the risk you take with balls being kicked near fences. Just tell them not to play near this woman’s house.

momof5gmof2 · 05/04/2018 18:31

We had a neighbour that loved my hubby but hated me and my 5 kids when they were younger (she passed away a few years back). She would be so friendly to him if he was out doing yard work, but basically ignored all of us when we were outside. If my kids knocked any balls or toys over into her garden, she would get very angry, so we tried to encourage the kids to be careful, as often we would not get the toys back. She had a dog that I think she just let her have the toys actually. She did not like children at all. When we moved in I was pregnant with child number 4 and she came over and told me she hated kids (presenting me with a basket of tomatoes from her garden). I said oh okay, and thanks very much for the tomatoes. I had a few encounters with her directly, when I had to ask to borrow her telephone once, (by example) when ours was not working. She was very nice and friendly with me, and gave me a cup of tea and we had a nice visit, (which was a shock to me!)
Our neighbours behind us moved because of my kids, they kept complaining about the noise my kids were making in the back with their friends, and I told them well it is a family neighbourhood and day time so deal with it or move, and they moved!
The people that live there now did about the same, complaining wise, I told them the same, and so far they haven't moved....
They are just kids, and jumping on the trampoline, playing in the treehouse, swinging, playing ball, unless it is really early in the morning or late at night, they are not breaking the law, and the neighbours need to move if they don't like it... when it is a family neighbourhood, they can shut up or get out imo =)

crazycatgal · 05/04/2018 18:35

@momof5gmof2 If you've had several neighbours complain about your children then surely there is a problem?

Cantspell2 · 05/04/2018 18:36

In a previous house I stopped having a glass greenhouse due to the number of paynes smashed by balls coming over the fence.
And I can’t belive anyone would just let their child wander into someone else’s garden to retrieve their ball. I grow several plants that are a known skin irritant. If your child let himself into my garden to rummage around looking for a ball he could well go home covered in skin blisters and worse if they rubbed their eyes with the sap still on their hands.

findingmyfeet12 · 05/04/2018 18:42

mumof5gmof2 If two sets of neighbours had complained about my children I'd be taking a long hard look at myself.

Bumblefuddle · 05/04/2018 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.