Aibu- ball in neighbour's garden

[Ameliel]

My two DS played football on the road outside our house today, and the ball accidentally went to a neighbour's garden. This was the 2nd time it happened, the first time my boys went to (politely) ask for the ball back and the lady in the house told them they should not knock on the door again. Instead, she would bring the ball back as and when she would find it.
This sounded a bit odd to me so when the ball went in today, I went with my son to ask for the ball back. Just as background info: we have lived here only just over a year and have not yet spoken to many people, including these neighbours who live three doors down. Its a leafy quiet suburb and the residents are mainly older people - not many families.
So I introduced myself and my son, and explained the ball had accidentally ended up in their garden again and apologised for the trouble. The lady was friendly to start with but firmly explained that "the rule" is that she does not want to be disturbed by kids knocking on her door, she is a keen gardener and so will eventually find the ball and return it at her convenience.
I pointed out that this could take days and the ball may not end up back to the right children (there are other kids too who play in the same location sometimes).
Anyway she was absolutely not budging and started telling me that I am disturbing her as she was about to serve dinner, and if I carry on we would not get the ball back at all.
I replied that I was a bit taken back by this attitude, it was not like the boys were kicking the ball in her garden by purpose, and it had only happened 2 times in total (including today).
She then slammed the door at my face!
AIBU or is she? I appreciate that it is annoying having to retrieve balls all the time, but surely its not such a big deal? She could have returned the ball twice over in the time it took to argue her case. I just really can't see why it is such a problem to go answer the door and give the ball back? Or am i missing some unwritten rule here (I'm not originally from UK, i've come across unwritten behavioural rules before, where I can't see anything wrong but my native husband thinks it is wrong) I don't want a neighbour war so please tell me, how would you handle this?
I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

I remember being invited to a colleague's house for a BBQ. She had a big slobbery bulldog that sat transfixed up at the fence mid way down the garden. What is it doing I asked. Just wait replied the colleague. About half an hour later I could hear some kids playing in the garden next door. Sure enough a bit later a tennis ball comes flying over the fence. I would not have thought the dog could move so fast, within seconds the ball was like chewing gum. My colleague takes the ball and throws it back over the fence with a 'Sorry boys, she got another one'. There was a chorus of 'aahhh no'. And we could hear the mother saying I have told you to check if the dog is out first.

The boys also know not to expect the ball back straight away, but surely they would need to let her know it's their ball (rather than other boys on the street).

And there it is. Obviously there are other boys playing with balls too, so understandably she is getting mightily pissed off with all of their balls going in her garden.

KC225 that made me lol!

We used to have kids who'd regularly play football in the road alongside our garden wall - and without fail, the ball would come over. Often, several times a day. When this initially started, as soon as they rang the bell I'd collect the ball. After doing this several times I asked if they could please play football further from our garden - which they ignored. I then started saying that I would return the ball when it was convenient for me but that I was currently cooking etc - and to please not play beside our garden wall. This resulted in them going to get more balls (which would come over the wall almost immediately). They stopped ringing the bell, but didn't stop kicking balls over.

We spoke to their parents; one was embarrassed/horrified and told her son not to play there. The other was instead cross with us for not returning the balls immediately

After several weeks of this - and numerous broken plants and a smashed outside light DH took 2 large bin bags full of footballs (literally just about 3 days worth) back to the one who wanted them back immediately - who just shrugged and took them. The far more reasonable neighbour grounded her child for some time..

Some people are just far more aware of how annoying their kids can be than others. Op, don't let your DC become one of 'those kids' - teach them to play ball games away from neighbours gardens as much as possible (obviously occasionally things will land up going over the wall, but as long as it's not often people are generally pretty reasonable )

Yabu.
This is your neighbours property not yours. Imagine if daily you have a dozen adults climbing around your garden damaging your property or ringing your bell expecting you to sort out their problems. It's no different.
Footballs into others gardens can be a complete pain. In some summers we can have 20 a day (more that we never know about). The damage caused by there balls is bad enough, ripped pond liners=death of pond residents, gates left open, dogs and toddlers leaving garden. Fences broken and walls knocked down from being climbed over. But the worse was my toddlers terrified to go into their own garden after being hit by a leather football, enough to knock them off their feet and leave them hurt.
So yes you are bu. A street is not a place to play football and if play cannot be contained within your own garden and damage restricted to your own property then it should only be played in safe areas such as parks.
And as an aside I get on well with my neighbours but it doesn't mean I like what has happened in the past.

She may just be an unfriendly/grumpy person. She's allowed to be though. It's her home and she's not bothering anyone behind her closed door.

Your children are choosing to bother her though regardless of how friendly and nice you might be as people.

YABU. She is not at your beck and call and had already told your dc how she would return their ball. What on earth are you doing going around and ranting at her on her doorstep? She’s not your staff you know. I’d have shut the door in your face too.

Graphista - I can deal with that.

staplescorner - lucky I don’t care what strangers on the internet think! 😂

I think it's rude to interrupt her and expect her to go and get the ball immediately.

I think she was polite and helpful to say she would give it back when she sees it.

Just give the DC more than one ball.

I was told as a youngster that if I lost my ball over a fence, that was it. No more ball. I was not allowed to interrupt a neighbor's day to ask for it back.

Playing ball in the street will inevitably end with the ball landing up in someone’s garden and pissing the neighbours off.

Buy another ball and send the kids to the park where they won’t be disturbing anyone.

For people who allow their children to kick balls hard enough in the street that they end up in people's gardens, do their balls never hit other people's houses, cars, etc?

It's an antisocial and selfish activity.

Get a sharpie and write your door number on the ball. Then hopefully when she decides to return it it will get to the right children.
She was wrong to slam the door in your face - no need for that at all.

YANBU - but I can understand where the neighbour is coming from. Some people just aren't neighbourly.

Our neighbours' kid sometimes kicks his ball from his (large) back garden into our (also large) back garden. He'll either ask us for it (peering over the tall brick wall) or we've said he can come round to find it. Occasionally he'll even come over the wall (if someone is around to give him a lift up).

When ds was younger, he would sometimes be "guilty" of a ball (rugby or football) going in to one of the gardens on either side of us. Fortunately our neighbours were, well, neighbourly and told us just to collect them.

As he got older and stronger, we encouraged him to go to the park (10 minutes away) for a kick around rather than the back garden (and he now goes to the rugby club for kicking practice).

Our back garden is actually shared with our downstairs neighbours (technically split left and right but in practice we share the lawn in the middle which is dh's pride and joy ) and I am regularly finding cricket and tennis balls that downstairs' boys have lost in the borders on our side. I just throw them on to their side.

Dh reckons it will be about another 3 or 4 years before downstairs' neighbours younger boy gets too big and dh can re lay the lawn

Lady across the road used to get upset at our previous neighbour's boys playing occasionally in the (very quiet) street. I didn't have much sympathy for her as she had ripped out the (protected) mature trees in her front garden, which would've been a natural barrier to create a front garden full of shrubs (we're in a conservation area and have to get permission even to manage our trees - but if an unscrupulous gardener cuts down a tree or three, there is not much the tree protection officer can do about it except fine the owner )

I was told (no idea if it is legally the case) that the garden owner can leave the ball there, you are committing trespass if you go in the garden. If they damage the ball (i.e. deliberately burst the ball) it is criminal damage. If the garden owner takes possession of the ball, e.g. moves it so she can cut the grass, then it is theft.

I've always just let kids get the ball.

I would have thanked her, and politely acknowledged her polite request. Openly disputing this on her doorstep, was bound to end in a door slam I'm afraid. Yes I have thrown countless balls back, and when I've not known which garden they have come from, they've simply been left there. While it wouldn't have bothered me too much, we have very rarely ever been disturbed by people trying to retrieve lost balls. I guess they just think it's too much hassle to either a) figure out which garden it landed and b) go round and fetch it!
The lady was entitled to state her preference, so I'm sorry, in this case I think yabu.

The other thing is that none of us know when we might need a neighbour to be neighbourly. When we moved here 20 years ago our neighbours were vile, small town and a brown family moving in didn't go down well. We were always friendly and polite, took parcels in for them, put their bins back if they were emptied when they were on holiday so Bill the burglar didn't realise the house was unoccupied. Eventually they got a bit better. The one lady, who was really nasty, is now a widow and lonely and I stand patiently listening to her woes. I am not childish enough to treat her the way she treated us.

Another example was a neighbour of my mothers, very up tight couple. My kids would play in mum's garden, no balls so just kids laughing and playing. They would be really nasty to them. Some years late I was arriving at my mum's and just pulling onto the drive. Saw the old guy nextdoor looking worried and kept checking his watch. I asked if he was OK and he said a taxi hadn't turned up, his wife was ill and they had been waiting for this hospital appointment and were now going to miss it. I said jump in and took them to the hospital. That day they were told it was terminal so a terrible day for them. The husband told my mum they would never forget my kindness and that I had just immediately offered to take them. I did wonder if either of them stopped to think about how nasty they had been to me and my kids.

One day she might need your help or your kids help when they are older, maybe you will be like me and do it anyway but maybe not.

Take the kids to the park to play football.
They have outgrown your garden for it.

I always throw balls back if they land in my garden or let children in to find them. However, I can see that boys playing kickabout might become quite wearing to a quiet neighbour. I am not sure about encouraging your children to take revenge on the woman. It probably isn't legal and it is certainly a poor example for the boys to think their pleasure comes before respect for others.

Can they not go to a park or green?

Yabu we have neighbours just like you. They have 2 boys and the amount of footballs that end up in our garden over the summer is ridiculous. I have 2 dogs now who love the new toys coming over the fence. I chuck them back over as and when I can be arsed. I have two girls and they play with balls, but are far more careful. I think your neighbour is quite within her rights to do exactly as she did. Some people seem to think their kids are far more important than other people.

Haha... I'm. With you OP..... She is totally BU. Go buy those balls!!

Wow really surprised at the attitude of such a lot of people here that ball fetching is unacceptable. None of us lives on our own little island. Why have people become so intolerant of children playing? If the kid was damaging someone’s garden, fair enough, but fetching a ball?

Are you sure that she slammed the door in your face, rather than on your foot?

I live next door to a family with two young boys who constantly kick the ball into our garden. It doesn't bother me at all-if I see if, I'll go out and throw it over and they also shout thanks back, and if I haven't noticed they come knocking to ask for it back.
YANBU, she could have said she'd give it back after she'd eaten but to not give any kind of time frame is unreasonable really. They're just kids, they're not being malicious.

People have always bee,n intolerant of noisy, entitled children. In the 60s, when I was playing in the streets, if you were noisy or cheeky, a neighbour told you off. If you damaged their property with a ball, they gave you a slap and a scolding. Or your parents did when they were told.
I think this is the most tolerant, child- friendly, snugglesome, nurturing of children as individuals our society has ever been for the majority of them. And that attitude is increasing every year.