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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu- ball in neighbour's garden

507 replies

Ameliel · 04/04/2018 19:04

My two DS played football on the road outside our house today, and the ball accidentally went to a neighbour's garden. This was the 2nd time it happened, the first time my boys went to (politely) ask for the ball back and the lady in the house told them they should not knock on the door again. Instead, she would bring the ball back as and when she would find it.
This sounded a bit odd to me so when the ball went in today, I went with my son to ask for the ball back. Just as background info: we have lived here only just over a year and have not yet spoken to many people, including these neighbours who live three doors down. Its a leafy quiet suburb and the residents are mainly older people - not many families.
So I introduced myself and my son, and explained the ball had accidentally ended up in their garden again and apologised for the trouble. The lady was friendly to start with but firmly explained that "the rule" is that she does not want to be disturbed by kids knocking on her door, she is a keen gardener and so will eventually find the ball and return it at her convenience.
I pointed out that this could take days and the ball may not end up back to the right children (there are other kids too who play in the same location sometimes).
Anyway she was absolutely not budging and started telling me that I am disturbing her as she was about to serve dinner, and if I carry on we would not get the ball back at all.
I replied that I was a bit taken back by this attitude, it was not like the boys were kicking the ball in her garden by purpose, and it had only happened 2 times in total (including today).
She then slammed the door at my face!
AIBU or is she? I appreciate that it is annoying having to retrieve balls all the time, but surely its not such a big deal? She could have returned the ball twice over in the time it took to argue her case. I just really can't see why it is such a problem to go answer the door and give the ball back? Or am i missing some unwritten rule here (I'm not originally from UK, i've come across unwritten behavioural rules before, where I can't see anything wrong but my native husband thinks it is wrong) I don't want a neighbour war so please tell me, how would you handle this?
I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

OP posts:
Unforgiven2018 · 04/04/2018 21:52

Really saddened to read the posts on here from so many posters who are surely mums. It reads. like a "I hate bloody kids" thread. I agree yes that dozens of kids knocking the door all day long would be annoying but there is no suggestion that this is the case here. I guess most kids might have helped themselves to their ball but these kids had manners and politely asked the lady before rambling through her property.

So sad to hear of knives being stuck in balls or balls being thrown in the bin. Is this really the way we should behave towards children and then expect them to turn into well rounded, polite young people. Very disappointing!

kimanda · 04/04/2018 21:54

@ameliel

I feel quite annoyed atm by her attitude and so am inclined to buy lots more balls and to encourage the boys to do a lot of kick practice from now on...

kimanda

What a fucking nobhead attitude. How ANYone can support the OP after reading that just eludes me!

---

ameliel

I was joking FGS!

No you weren't. Hmm

MrMeSeeks · 04/04/2018 21:54

Unforgiven2018
But why should the woman be disturbed? Shes not saying shes keeping the ball, she’ll give it back when its convenient to her!

Idontdowindows · 04/04/2018 21:56

Is this really the way we should behave towards children and then expect them to turn into well rounded, polite young people. Very disappointing!

What, you want to turn them into well rounded, polite young people by teaching them to ignore their neighbour's explicitly stated wishes?

I have no idea how that works, but eh, good luck with that.

kimanda · 04/04/2018 21:58

Don't be so bloody ludicrous and melodramatic @unforgiven2018

The fact that you are bashing people on here and trying the guilt-trip bollocks by saying 'you are surely mums, how COULD you, won't someone think of the children?!' whilst defending the rude and entitled OP, speaks volumes about you tbh.

Nanny0gg · 04/04/2018 21:59

If you have children you are responsible for where they play. It is your responsibility to ensure they don't annoy your neighbours.

Streets these days are not suitable for ball games (especially if it's a hard ball) as they tend to have lots of parked cars. And people who care for their gardens don't appreciate having balls land on their precious plants.

Your kids want to play football? Take them to the park.

Charolais · 04/04/2018 21:59

fijisky You sound like a modern day Ma Barker.

crazycatgal · 04/04/2018 22:00

@Unforgiven2018 I've always been polite and given the ball back to the children who play near mine. They're still rude and badly behaved. Being polite to them doesn't automatically make them into well rounded polite young people.

kimanda · 04/04/2018 22:00

MA BARKER!!! Grin

choseausername1 · 04/04/2018 22:01

I get it. However, if your kid puts something in her garden (which is particularly annoying/damaging if she’s an avid gardener, then she doesn’t have to run out and sort it out for them. Twice in two days, whilst they may be the only two occasions would be annoying.

Try a different tactic. Why not ask your son to make her a card or something to apologise? If she feels as though your son isn’t taking the piss, she may have more goodwill.

WeirdyMcBeardy · 04/04/2018 22:04

She sounds like a controlling bellend. And I'm glad most people onnthis thread are not my neighbours.

My DCs accidently kick the ball over the wall, neighbours used to throw it back, and they are out there frequently. Then they stopped so now the kids knock (after leaving it for ages). Neighbours never have a problem with them getting it (and they have similar ages children) but it baffles me why they wait now until they get a knock on the door. If anything comes over the mine, I throw it back. It's really not a big deal. But in MN world, things are often different to RL so take it with a pinch of salt OP, especially AIBU.,

slippermaiden · 04/04/2018 22:06

I've read a few replies OP, I'm a bit shocked! I would always give the ball back if it was me. When I was a child the neighbour used to just let me go round and get it without knocking but it was a semi detached house. In our present house, we just had neighbours move out who would never give the balls back, even though my son wrote them a nice letter each time. They kept them all in the garage and the week before they moved out they threw them all back over! There were about 20 ball or more. If people don't like children why don't they live in the middle of a field!

kimanda · 04/04/2018 22:06

I am glad most people here are not my neighbours

The feeling is mutual @Weirdymcbeardy

Fijisky · 04/04/2018 22:07

Charolais- thanks! Grin

slippermaiden · 04/04/2018 22:07

Also didn't a woman get taken to court for destroying someone's footballs and not giving them back?

fuzzyduck33 · 04/04/2018 22:08

YABU, being constantly disturbed by kids knocking for their ball is irritating. It might only have been the second time for your ds but there are others doing it too by the sounds of it.
Tell your ds to be careful where he kicks the ball and buy a couple more as back ups for when he has to wait. Your last sentence makes you seem nasty and spiteful. Why should this poor woman be at your beck and call???

kimanda · 04/04/2018 22:09

Calling a neighbour who doesn't want to keep answering the door to an entitled obnoxious neighbour a 'controlling bellend' speaks volumes about YOU @weirdymcbeardy.

Jesus fucking wept! Hmm

Never mind a neighbour, I pity anyone who lives in your fucking STREET!

Idontdowindows · 04/04/2018 22:09

I'm glad most people onnthis thread are not my neighbours.

Why, because we won't jump and stand to attention for your little football players whenever they want?

ExFury · 04/04/2018 22:10

I agree yes that dozens of kids knocking the door all day long would be annoying but there is no suggestion that this is the case here.

How on earth do you guess at that?

Given that the OP said that other children regularly play in that spot, and her boys managed to knock the ball in the garden twice despite not playing there often and the neighbour has a rule for the kids it suggests that it happens frequently...

Sillybilly1234 · 04/04/2018 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Certcert · 04/04/2018 22:14

She is you neighbour not your ball boy.

Grin
Chattymummyhere · 04/04/2018 22:16

I have this rule for my own children if something ends up in the neighbours garden they wait until the neighbour is ready to give it back the couple of times it’s happened and they are very careful due to this rule. However my other neighbours feral kids will knock 10 plus times a day for balls behind my shed I can’t even get to and will be leaning all over my fence I just let the dogs out now they love balls.

bluebell34567 · 04/04/2018 22:16

I think the other kids are throwing balls, too, so she had enough. and it is damaging her plants. she has to find a way to solve that problem and I think she found a very civilized way.
she slammed the door at you because maybe you were insisting much.
you thinking from your pov and that maybe right for you. but if you try to think from her pov, she was quite civilized.
next time take her a pot of plant and try to build the relationship again.

Chattymummyhere · 04/04/2018 22:18

sillybilly it’s not polite to kick balls in your neighbours garden obese or skinny. There are plenty of ways to keep fit without damaging other people’s stuff. My toddlers been hit by my feral neighbours balls coming over the fence so they can piss off knocking for them back.

myusernameisnotmyusername · 04/04/2018 22:19

I think she is unreasonable. If my neighbour's boy kicks the ball over I just chuck it back. No issues.

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