Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not paying even though I 'invited '?

986 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 09:10

Background:
For my dds birthday last year we invited some friends to soft play at a pub. I played entry for all the kids (and some siblings that came unexpectedly too). We brought a cake and everyone had a piece as well as juice to drink, if they wanted anything else they had to buy it (tea/coffee etc). As it came to dinner time I told them we were staying for dinner and people were welcome to join us. A couple did and we then paid for their meals (they didn't seem to expect this).
I have met up with one of the mum/ child that came and stayed for the meal at the same soft play since. She'd messaged asking to meet, I said me and another friend were planning to go to soft play and have lunch there if she wanted to join. We all arrived at different times so paid our own entry (she was last, text me when outside that she was here so when she got in I looked up and waved but didn't go over) and at food time we all ordered separately. She seemed a little quiet but had said she was tired cos her lo was waking up alot. We have met up since, but not at soft play, and all seemed fine.

So, yesterday the same happened again. She called asking if I wanted to meet up over the holiday. I said we were meeting a friend at soft play today if she wanted to join but we could meet some other time if she didn't fancy it. She said she'd join but then made a joke 'I suppose you're going to treat me like last time though'. When i queried what she meant she said that she was cross last time that I didn't pay for her entry or food. I was surprised and said that we don't normally pay for each other when we go out. She said that normally if invited you'd expect the host to pay and reminded me that I had done it before for dds birthday. I said I felt that was different and that this is not an invite in the same way, if she didn't want to come then I was happy to meet some other time elsewhere but I couldn't afford to pay for her every time we meet. She put the phone down on me.
Since then she has blocked me on fb, WhatsApp etc and been in touch with the other friend, trying to change the plans so they go to a different soft play together today but without me. She's said she will pay for that woman and child as 'that's how it's done between friends '. The friend has said to her that she's not leaving me out and that she would never expect to be paid for but that she is still welcome to join us at the originally planned place, or we can meet elsewhere another time if she doesn't fancy it. She's said she will think about whether she can face it and let her know.

Was I wrong? It's not the way I've ever done it with meet ups unless it's been a special occasion. I'm a sahm and meet up with people in similar ways all the time. If I had to pay for other people every time I'd not be able to do it at all!

OP posts:
CadyHeron · 04/04/2018 18:13

OK, just seen your update.
Really?Really really?
If so, I take back crackers, and replace it with absolutely fucking batshit.
Ignore.
You have done nothing wrong at all.

violet0805 · 04/04/2018 18:15

She sounds mental! Thats never how it's been done between me and my friends, or with anyone I know! She sounds like a massive scrounger to me.

Avasarala · 04/04/2018 18:18

I just don't understand... It's her kid. She pays.

Birthday parties are the exception; not the rule. Obv when you throw a party, you pay. But when someone calls asking to meet up, and you say "we're meeting someone else for a play date but you're welcome to come along" then you pay for yourself.

Since she called you first asking to meet up, was she going to pay for your child and you to do whatever activity decided?

I think not.

Send her a wee txt with a link to this thread. Maybe she'll see how nuts she is behaving.

Ellendegeneres · 04/04/2018 18:18

See if I were the pal in the middle id be going nuts at the bitch.

How dare she try to imply that your friend was so disloyal and such an easy sway so as to ditch you for free entry to soft play and a cup of coffee? Wtf? If I were her I’d be letting cf know not to contact me again after her disgusting treatment of you today and laying out for her what an arsehole she is.

Sorry op. This is absolutely shit for you. In your shoes I’d find my lady balls and send a message saying after your display today, you can forget any invites, any social anything’s that include me- you’ve shown yourself up and made yourself look like an absolute cunt and I want nothing more to do with you. Then I’d block her

PlasticWatch · 04/04/2018 18:18

She's bad isn't she? You need to grow up? She blanked you at soft play. If this was me she'd be getting blocked and told why first.

honeylulu · 04/04/2018 18:21

When I came back she made almost a growling noise and then went back to her own table.

WTAF?!?

And now she has messaged you to say YOU should grow up. My gob is well and truly smacked.

If you are going to reply I suggest "I suggested earlier we put things behind us but unfortunately you refused to sit with us or speak to me. I remain unclear why you are so angry with me for not paying your entrance fee, and why you expected this in the first place."

Send and then block the growler.

QuiteLikely5 · 04/04/2018 18:22
Hmm

Really?

Ellendegeneres · 04/04/2018 18:23

Well I’ve known worse so I think it’s... well, quite likely...

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 18:23

My friend has been trying to stay neutral because she is friends with both of us. But She's a bit gobsmacked by it all. She's supposed to be meeting for coffee, technically invited by the other woman. Keeps making jokes about making sure she pays.

It does seem out of character for her. We were wondering if she's ok or upset so my friend messaged her to ask. She replied that she's fine, just fed up of all the arrogant people around her taking the mick.

OP posts:
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 18:24

I haven't replied yet cos I'm still trying to find the right words.

OP posts:
Cavender · 04/04/2018 18:24

Well that’s incredibly odd behaviour on her part.

You and your friend appear to have behaved very graciously in the face of provocation.

Personally I’d steer well clear in future.

MrsEricBana · 04/04/2018 18:25

Honestly she is beyond batshit and then a bit further. You sound really nice and your behaviour as regards inviting, paying etc is 100% normal and totally fair. They shouldn't even have let you pay for their meals at the original birthday thing though that was kind of you and fine under the circumstances. I'd not reply and avoid her henceforth. I have had a fall out with a neighbour over something different but same principle and I've been hugely upset about it as I kept thinking I must have contributed for her to treat me like that, but honestly I didn't, and I've wasted a huge amount of energy on it. Please don't do that, she's in the wrong, not you.

GrannyGrissle · 04/04/2018 18:25

Prize winning CFery here tonight, this social bottomfeeder and the house sitters' CF 'friends'. How do i never meet these arsehole types? I'd have so much fun

LadyPenelopeCantDance · 04/04/2018 18:26

I would send her a link to this thread so she can see that everyone here is in agreement that she’s completely unhinged!

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 04/04/2018 18:27

Do you live in a eight bedroomed mansion or something?! Not that it makes it right. Just trying to see where this entitledness comes from as it appears it's only you she demands stuff from.

If I was the other friend I'd be cutting ties too. Glad she's making jokes and is at least aware of her bonkers behaviour

52FestiveRoad · 04/04/2018 18:30

We have met up at a number of different places between the soft play visits including her coming to my house.

Has she ever hosted you at her house? It seems as though for some reason she has decided you are always the host and therefore should always pay for her or host her at your house.

NapQueen · 04/04/2018 18:32

This whole situation is bonkers. She sounds unhinged.

Trying to lure your other friend away/staring you down/growling on approach. No way could I be chewed with all of that.

Wateroffaduck · 04/04/2018 18:33

Dd and me have been invited to soft play tomorrow. I am going to text the mum now to tell her that as she invited us she can pay for our entry and meals/drinks.

Except I won’t as that is frankly bizarre and I am not a CF.

She is very odd and off the scale with cheeky fuckery

Sweetpea55 · 04/04/2018 18:36

Bloody bonkers

BubblesBuddy · 04/04/2018 18:43

I do think that, when it comes to a party, you should not pay for any adults to have anything. In future, organise the party, pay for food for the children and drinks (not just drinks) and then everyone goes home afterwards. If you want to stay behind in a pub, make it clear that people pay for themselves. This way, there is no confusion and you have separated the children’s party
from adult entertainment.

As for now, obviously you avoid this Mum. Make it clear though, in future, who is invited (so no surprises) and make it clear what you are paying for and include food for children but not adults.

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 18:47

I have been to her house. So it's not that she's unwilling to host. The kids are preschool age so not teeny and we're not new to this. She's always seemed totally normal till this. Her lo's birthday was rather bigger than mine, but a similar activity. I didn't go as i was visiting my mum so I don't know who paid for what. I've never noticed if she pays for anyone else but this has never been anywhere on my radar so I haven't been watching who pays for who. There's always a certain amount of turn and turnabout. I had an old friend who was visiting me come along to a meet up a month or so ago, I paid for her because she was my houseguest and to a certain point didnt have a choice about the activity or coming along. I've paid for others if they've been a bit short and others have paid for me in return.

OP posts:
niccyb · 04/04/2018 18:50

YANBU. You are totallly in the right. The woman sounds like an idiot.

MaggieFS · 04/04/2018 18:51

I'd be tempted to reply with a 'nope, not going to grow up because this is pathetic and I can't be arsed so do what you like you crazy lady'

But in reality more likely so say 'we'll that's why I came over to talk to you today and you ignored me. Ball's in your court'.

jay55 · 04/04/2018 18:56

You offered an olive branch this afternoon and she was rude as fuck.
Block her number and move on. She loves the drama.

Kenny33 · 04/04/2018 18:56

Do you live in Manchester and does her name begin with an L?

Sounds like someone I used to work with who used to like playing queen bee and then audibly growling whenever it didn’t go her way/got called out. I’ve seen plenty of queen bee behaviour over the years but the growling is something else!

Swipe left for the next trending thread