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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not paying even though I 'invited '?

986 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 09:10

Background:
For my dds birthday last year we invited some friends to soft play at a pub. I played entry for all the kids (and some siblings that came unexpectedly too). We brought a cake and everyone had a piece as well as juice to drink, if they wanted anything else they had to buy it (tea/coffee etc). As it came to dinner time I told them we were staying for dinner and people were welcome to join us. A couple did and we then paid for their meals (they didn't seem to expect this).
I have met up with one of the mum/ child that came and stayed for the meal at the same soft play since. She'd messaged asking to meet, I said me and another friend were planning to go to soft play and have lunch there if she wanted to join. We all arrived at different times so paid our own entry (she was last, text me when outside that she was here so when she got in I looked up and waved but didn't go over) and at food time we all ordered separately. She seemed a little quiet but had said she was tired cos her lo was waking up alot. We have met up since, but not at soft play, and all seemed fine.

So, yesterday the same happened again. She called asking if I wanted to meet up over the holiday. I said we were meeting a friend at soft play today if she wanted to join but we could meet some other time if she didn't fancy it. She said she'd join but then made a joke 'I suppose you're going to treat me like last time though'. When i queried what she meant she said that she was cross last time that I didn't pay for her entry or food. I was surprised and said that we don't normally pay for each other when we go out. She said that normally if invited you'd expect the host to pay and reminded me that I had done it before for dds birthday. I said I felt that was different and that this is not an invite in the same way, if she didn't want to come then I was happy to meet some other time elsewhere but I couldn't afford to pay for her every time we meet. She put the phone down on me.
Since then she has blocked me on fb, WhatsApp etc and been in touch with the other friend, trying to change the plans so they go to a different soft play together today but without me. She's said she will pay for that woman and child as 'that's how it's done between friends '. The friend has said to her that she's not leaving me out and that she would never expect to be paid for but that she is still welcome to join us at the originally planned place, or we can meet elsewhere another time if she doesn't fancy it. She's said she will think about whether she can face it and let her know.

Was I wrong? It's not the way I've ever done it with meet ups unless it's been a special occasion. I'm a sahm and meet up with people in similar ways all the time. If I had to pay for other people every time I'd not be able to do it at all!

OP posts:
GreenMeerkat · 04/04/2018 17:16

Wow!

What a total loon. I'd say you're better off with her 'ignoring' you. Steer well clear. Your other friend seems to understand she's not quite the full shilling too so I wouldn't worry about losing any other friends.

CoffeeOrSleep · 04/04/2018 17:17

She wants to talk to you on the phone as if she spoke to you at the soft play, your other friend might have stepped in and told her she agrees with you and CFer is wrong, she want to talk to you on the phone alone so no one hears what she says and no one will be there to back you up that she's in the wrong.

I'd ignore. You don't owe her your time.

chickenowner · 04/04/2018 17:19

She sounds absolutely crazy. Try to not let her upset you, I'm sure you have lots of other friends!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 04/04/2018 17:20

Batshit fucking freeloading chancer. Nothing "cheeky" about her appalling brazen cuntery.

Hope I've made my view clear

Could you clarify that for me BMW6? There seems be some confusion Grin

Goodasgoldilox · 04/04/2018 17:27

It is hard to believe that someone would expect to be paid for... and never to pay in return. (She would owe you an 'invite' in return for the birthday party one.) Is this real?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 04/04/2018 17:28

The thing is, a few people have suggested she might be broke/skint as some sort of mitigating circumstance,

I've been skint - I still wouldn't expect people to subside my days out. I'd invite them round for a coffee and a (generic) custard cream, or suggest a picnic in the park and take a flask and a sarnie (not ideal in this weather, admittedly . . . but you know what I mean)

Angrybird345 · 04/04/2018 17:28

She’s a cf and a bully! Ignore and move on.

ShiftyMcGifty · 04/04/2018 17:31

Just text her “Why are you harassing me with your unwanted phone calls? You had plenty of time to speak to me like an adult in person earlier today and chose to be behave appallingly. Please do not contact me again.”

sonjadog · 04/04/2018 17:32

She sounds very strange. I would go for polite but distant from now on.

SheSellSeaShells · 04/04/2018 17:33

I would not be upset about losing a 'friend' like this - she's absolutely bloody bat shit!!! Also trying to get the friend to ditch you at the soft play and sit with her - how fucking old is she??

PupALicious · 04/04/2018 17:36

Jesus she sounds unhinged. She is the batshit cheeky fucker. Just ignore her and give her no more of your time and head space.

icedtea · 04/04/2018 17:36

She's crazy. I had a school friend when I was 12 like this - always expected her snacks to be paid for. But for an adult woman to behave like this is unbelievable and totally unacceptable.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 04/04/2018 17:38

If you feel better then text or email her but definitely call her out on her treatment of you, fuck that, she is crazy

I need to know what your other friend said, to be honest if I was her I think I would have had to said something to her when she came over to poach me

Lacucuracha · 04/04/2018 17:41

Very strange.

It is about money, but maybe just in relation to you. People do 'select' people that they will treat differently. She has selected you as her doormat. Thankfully, you are too smart to play ball.

TidyDancer · 04/04/2018 17:45

I could quite believe my cousin would do this. She's a cretinous cheeky bastard who would think nothing of ripping off someone with a kind heart.

Have you replied yet OP?

GreenTulips · 04/04/2018 17:51

I can't believe beleive had this ex nerve to
A) show up
B) hang round expecting you to pay
C) actually try and steal your friend you were sat with!

What did your friend make of it all?

WishingOnABar · 04/04/2018 17:56

Crikey she really is batshit Shock

Doubt her behaviour is making your other friend want more contact with her either TBH

Bettercallsaul1 · 04/04/2018 18:00

I'm a bit worried about the "growling noise" she made at you when you went back to your own table...! Makes me wonder if she hails from planet Earth.(which might explain it all)

ChodeofChodeHall · 04/04/2018 18:04

If this is uncharacteristic behaviour perhaps she might be unwell.

Jaxhog · 04/04/2018 18:05

Well she isn't going to get many invites out in future then!

hibbledibble · 04/04/2018 18:06

Yanbu.

It sounds best to cut your losses with her, she sounds nuts!

What you have described doing sounds absolutely normal to me: everyone pays for themselves when meeting at soft play, unless it's a birthday party.

SusieOwl4 · 04/04/2018 18:06

I agree with what bringbacksideburns wrote .

She is totally in the wrong and she needs telling .

CadyHeron · 04/04/2018 18:07

Not read all the replies. You are sooooo NBU, she's a cheeky moo!
It's different for parties, yes, you usually pay at soft play if it's a birthday party you've invited them to.
A random wet Wednesday afternoon meet up,though?! Nope.
People have used the word bonkers and batshit already I see, so can I also add the word crackers to it. Grin

Celticrose · 04/04/2018 18:11

I meet up with a few old friends about every 6 months. One girl does all the organising by text. So technically she invites us all to meet up suggests a date and a place and then we message back if that is ok. So should she pay for all our meals every single time? Don't think so. This woman is nuts or maybe not. Just this time she has found someone who isn't going to be her meal ticket.

Howdydoodyfolks · 04/04/2018 18:11

Ignore ignore ignore. She isnt worth your time