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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not paying even though I 'invited '?

986 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 09:10

Background:
For my dds birthday last year we invited some friends to soft play at a pub. I played entry for all the kids (and some siblings that came unexpectedly too). We brought a cake and everyone had a piece as well as juice to drink, if they wanted anything else they had to buy it (tea/coffee etc). As it came to dinner time I told them we were staying for dinner and people were welcome to join us. A couple did and we then paid for their meals (they didn't seem to expect this).
I have met up with one of the mum/ child that came and stayed for the meal at the same soft play since. She'd messaged asking to meet, I said me and another friend were planning to go to soft play and have lunch there if she wanted to join. We all arrived at different times so paid our own entry (she was last, text me when outside that she was here so when she got in I looked up and waved but didn't go over) and at food time we all ordered separately. She seemed a little quiet but had said she was tired cos her lo was waking up alot. We have met up since, but not at soft play, and all seemed fine.

So, yesterday the same happened again. She called asking if I wanted to meet up over the holiday. I said we were meeting a friend at soft play today if she wanted to join but we could meet some other time if she didn't fancy it. She said she'd join but then made a joke 'I suppose you're going to treat me like last time though'. When i queried what she meant she said that she was cross last time that I didn't pay for her entry or food. I was surprised and said that we don't normally pay for each other when we go out. She said that normally if invited you'd expect the host to pay and reminded me that I had done it before for dds birthday. I said I felt that was different and that this is not an invite in the same way, if she didn't want to come then I was happy to meet some other time elsewhere but I couldn't afford to pay for her every time we meet. She put the phone down on me.
Since then she has blocked me on fb, WhatsApp etc and been in touch with the other friend, trying to change the plans so they go to a different soft play together today but without me. She's said she will pay for that woman and child as 'that's how it's done between friends '. The friend has said to her that she's not leaving me out and that she would never expect to be paid for but that she is still welcome to join us at the originally planned place, or we can meet elsewhere another time if she doesn't fancy it. She's said she will think about whether she can face it and let her know.

Was I wrong? It's not the way I've ever done it with meet ups unless it's been a special occasion. I'm a sahm and meet up with people in similar ways all the time. If I had to pay for other people every time I'd not be able to do it at all!

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 08/04/2018 19:28

I know someone like this.
Whenever, we're in group togethers, as she approaches I find a reason to move to another area eg. Ooh, must dash to the ladies, xxxx has just called me over, fake phone calls, I've left my purse at the bar etc... never obvious to anyone else.

willynillypie · 08/04/2018 20:50

paranoidpammywhammy2

seems like IRL here though, OP's friends have been very helpful and stuck up for her

WeirdyMcBeardy · 08/04/2018 20:54

"I'm normally the first to hmm when posters suggest MH problems, as I'm well aware that people can be twats with and without MH issues."

Being on the spectrum isn't a MH problem. Considering you have a child on the spectrum, I'm surprised you seem to think this.

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 08/04/2018 20:57

I hope that continues to be the case Willynillypie.

I've found people will sympathise and tell you what's been said - but don't seem to actively help.

Meli1977 · 09/04/2018 01:51

@SchadenfreudePersonified

I love you. Please train me in your ways 😂😂😂

mmzz · 09/04/2018 07:01

Being on the spectrum isn't a MH problem. Considering you have a child on the spectrum, I'm surprised you seem to think this.

Why is it in DSM-5?

Mum2oneStepmum2two · 09/04/2018 09:08

SchadenfreudePersonified

Someone please tell me where SchadenfreudePersonified’s evil plan is on this thread so I can read it too! Which page?!

Lizzie48 · 09/04/2018 09:13

I hope the OP is okay and that things didn't go pear shaped at the party. I'm a bit concerned that there hasn't been an update from her. Hi

Sashkin · 09/04/2018 09:14

Mum2 it was a couple of pages back but basically she suggested OP pays Partyfriend for her meal in advance, then it will look like Partyfriend is paying for OP’s meal and CF will burst into flames.

Lizzie48 · 09/04/2018 09:14

I didn't mean to post right then, distracted by DD2 lol.

MiddleClassProblem · 09/04/2018 09:18

I thought the party was this week coming

Clutterbugsmum · 09/04/2018 09:27

Middle the party later this week.

Not quite sure house CF can persuade friends her version is the 'correct' version considering you have at least 2 friends who know exactly what has happen and one that has witness CF weird behaviour first hand and can easily correct any misinformation CF has given.

Mind you I still think it odd that CF has agreed she will apologise to you, too the friend who was with you when she growled at you and instead is creating a whole new shit storm.

MiddleClassProblem · 09/04/2018 09:44

Yes, I thought so.

WowLookAtYou · 09/04/2018 09:51

clutterbug, It's the nice friend who's setting the story straight, not softzilla.

Motoko · 09/04/2018 10:36

Lizzie OP has posted, at 11:59 yesterday (on the last page).

The party is later this week.

violet0805 · 09/04/2018 10:37

Ive been following this post for the last few days and I have to ask.. why are you and party friend so worried about upsetting her? You don't need friends like that!
I used to have a 'friend' who sounds similar to her. (Used to - not my friend anymore!)

I once brought her son a birthday present (well my son who was friends with him, chose the present, which was a mini pinball machine. They were about 6 or 7 and I actually thought it was a good present)
After we gave her son the present I got a message back "do you want that present back for your kids? It's not what ?????? Wanted and you should have asked what he wanted first"
I was gobsmacked, told her she was a rude cow but let it go as she's foreign and thought they must be a bit more blunt where she is from...

Had a few more episodes but the last straw was when she found out my son had been invited to play at a another boy from their class's house to play. She messaged me and asked why he was going there as she thought her son and my son were best friends! Told her where to go there and then and not spoke to her since.

violet0805 · 09/04/2018 10:37

Ive been following this post for the last few days and I have to ask.. why are you and party friend so worried about upsetting her? You don't need friends like that!
I used to have a 'friend' who sounds similar to her. (Used to - not my friend anymore!)

I once brought her son a birthday present (well my son who was friends with him, chose the present, which was a mini pinball machine. They were about 6 or 7 and I actually thought it was a good present)
After we gave her son the present I got a message back "do you want that present back for your kids? It's not what ?????? Wanted and you should have asked what he wanted first"
I was gobsmacked, told her she was a rude cow but let it go as she's foreign and thought they must be a bit more blunt where she is from...

Had a few more episodes but the last straw was when she found out my son had been invited to play at a another boy from their class's house to play. She messaged me and asked why he was going there as she thought her son and my son were best friends! Told her where to go there and then and not spoke to her since.

Lizzie48 · 09/04/2018 10:44

Yes ok, my mistake lol. I do agree that it would be better for them both to have nothing to do with softzilla.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/04/2018 12:00

Mum2one

It is and evil plan, and like the best of evil puns impressive in it's simplicity.

Give Party Friend (hereinafter referred to as PF) the cash for the meal before meeting up with Cheeky Fucker (CF).

After consuming the delightful comestibles, PF then pays for OP's meal, apparently "treating" her.

PF does not offer to pay for CF's meal, or (obviously) explain why she is ladling the dosh out.

There is carnage. (It is sooooooo worth it Grin)

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/04/2018 12:00

*evil plans, not evil puns

This is an evil autocorrect IMHO.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 09/04/2018 12:03

In response to popular demand, I will be running an "Evil Plans For Everyday Situations" workshop. All students will be paying for it, but in order to be divisive, I will pretend that some of you have got a free course.

Survivors will get a certificate.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 09/04/2018 12:13

Grin at the 'Evil Plans' workshop. How thoughtful and considerate of you to share your genius Schadenfreude, for a price.

GabsAlot · 09/04/2018 12:14

like it schadenfreude!

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 09/04/2018 12:25

I'm in so long as evil puns are also part of the evil plans workshop Grin

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 09/04/2018 12:51

I'm still here. Just nothing to report yet!

OP posts: