Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not paying even though I 'invited '?

986 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 09:10

Background:
For my dds birthday last year we invited some friends to soft play at a pub. I played entry for all the kids (and some siblings that came unexpectedly too). We brought a cake and everyone had a piece as well as juice to drink, if they wanted anything else they had to buy it (tea/coffee etc). As it came to dinner time I told them we were staying for dinner and people were welcome to join us. A couple did and we then paid for their meals (they didn't seem to expect this).
I have met up with one of the mum/ child that came and stayed for the meal at the same soft play since. She'd messaged asking to meet, I said me and another friend were planning to go to soft play and have lunch there if she wanted to join. We all arrived at different times so paid our own entry (she was last, text me when outside that she was here so when she got in I looked up and waved but didn't go over) and at food time we all ordered separately. She seemed a little quiet but had said she was tired cos her lo was waking up alot. We have met up since, but not at soft play, and all seemed fine.

So, yesterday the same happened again. She called asking if I wanted to meet up over the holiday. I said we were meeting a friend at soft play today if she wanted to join but we could meet some other time if she didn't fancy it. She said she'd join but then made a joke 'I suppose you're going to treat me like last time though'. When i queried what she meant she said that she was cross last time that I didn't pay for her entry or food. I was surprised and said that we don't normally pay for each other when we go out. She said that normally if invited you'd expect the host to pay and reminded me that I had done it before for dds birthday. I said I felt that was different and that this is not an invite in the same way, if she didn't want to come then I was happy to meet some other time elsewhere but I couldn't afford to pay for her every time we meet. She put the phone down on me.
Since then she has blocked me on fb, WhatsApp etc and been in touch with the other friend, trying to change the plans so they go to a different soft play together today but without me. She's said she will pay for that woman and child as 'that's how it's done between friends '. The friend has said to her that she's not leaving me out and that she would never expect to be paid for but that she is still welcome to join us at the originally planned place, or we can meet elsewhere another time if she doesn't fancy it. She's said she will think about whether she can face it and let her know.

Was I wrong? It's not the way I've ever done it with meet ups unless it's been a special occasion. I'm a sahm and meet up with people in similar ways all the time. If I had to pay for other people every time I'd not be able to do it at all!

OP posts:
KeepServingTheDrinks · 07/04/2018 20:17

InkyToesies. I am another one who loved your post.

blueduvetface I have reported yours, as I think it is vile; and genuinely hope I never have the misfortune to meet you in RL.

DoctorWhatTheFuck · 07/04/2018 20:21

blueduvetface

I took that as satire. Surely no one can spout that with a straight face.

Aeroflotgirl · 07/04/2018 20:22

On the spectrum Hmm, no, she sounds like a CF and chancer of the highest order.

DoctorWhatTheFuck · 07/04/2018 20:23

paranoidpammywhammy2

Sorry you have encountered someone hatched from the same brood as Softzilla.

zzzzz · 07/04/2018 20:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LapdanceShoeshine · 07/04/2018 20:27

I thought blueduvetface was joking - commenting on the implication that if someone’s behaviour is off-the-scale terrible they MUST BE FOREIGN, DAMMIT

(Because the British, the British, the British are best)

LapdanceShoeshine · 07/04/2018 20:28

m.youtube.com/watch?v=1vh-wEXvdW8

LapdanceShoeshine · 07/04/2018 20:30

Oops, sorry, it’s “the English”

I do apologise Blush

Ellyess · 07/04/2018 20:31

Justanotherzombie Just love what you said. But there are quite a lot of them about I fear.

MiddleClassProblem · 07/04/2018 20:35

Maybe we could get her to take an ancestry dna test to show which countries she has genetic links to and see which MNers deam the reason she’s like this Hmm

MiddleClassProblem · 07/04/2018 20:40

*deem

I probably made other mistakes too but I’m on the sauce

Ellyess · 07/04/2018 20:44

InkyToesies You're my hero(ine)!

You speak such good sense and you put it so well.

If I could, I'd pay you for that short version. I know I'm going to be saying it - a lot - in the future!

Yup, this woman is just bad. Not mad, but bad. And it's true, there are nasty people on the staff and nasty people who are nasty after their "illness/condition" or whatever they came for treatment about, has abated. There are people who enjoy the drama of being nasty.

Don't wrestle with a pig.... he he he... I love it!

Mum2oneStepmum2two · 07/04/2018 20:48

I’m sure blueduvetface was joking... weren’t they?

If not it was a disgusting post, but I’m sure they were being sarcastic...

boxyfingo · 07/04/2018 20:49

I think she is literally insanely jealous of you! I wonder if your arrival into this group of mums has changed the dynamics in some way - possibly to her detriment. I agree with whoever said she is toxic and I think you need to be prepared for anything from her. Maybe think about getting some of the other mums up to speed with what's been going on so that you can give your side of the story. I wonder is she has form for this kind of thing?

Ellyess · 07/04/2018 20:50

InkyToesies I meant to say, I sincerely hope the depression has held off. I know what it's like too. Take care of yourself, you're a great asset - we all need you!

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 07/04/2018 20:58

DoctorWhatTheFuck

Yes, definitely similar. I've never forgotten it.

When we started I made efforts to befriend her initially but the drinks thing made it awkward. I always felt a bit of mild animosity from her but nothing to really put my finger on.

I was away once and she was annoyed at me because everyone went for a break without her. I had to remind her I'd had an appointment and wasn't there. I asked afterwards and our group said they'd briefly looked for her but couldn't find her (I suspect she'd gone for a long toilet break/smoke break whilst I was away). I never understood what it was all about but it wasn't rational.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 07/04/2018 21:09

Blueduvetface was joking.

It was obvious from the tone of the post.

MyOtherProfile · 07/04/2018 21:24

Fascinating. When's the party? Is it tomorrow?

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 07/04/2018 21:27

The party isn't until later next week.

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 07/04/2018 21:30

Yes I believe blueduvetface probably was joking but it was in very poor taste, I've reported the post as well. Hmm

mmzz · 07/04/2018 21:51

I think blueduvetface was being sarcastic (about little-Britons), not attempting humour. I hope those who think she is joking, were right.

WeirdyMcBeardy · 07/04/2018 22:07

"She sounds like she might actually be a bit - on the Spectrum? Maybe she needs Rules and Regulations? Maybe she needs it Spelling Out? Maybe she hasn;t actually had anyone tell her how 'normal' interactions are? "

Excuse me? I'm on the spectrum and need rules and regulations and would never behave like this. Being on the spectrum does not equal 'behaves like a wanker' thank you very much and I am sick of seeing it wheeled out on here as an excuse for shitty behaviour.

She is deliberately making shit up, no one thinks if you invite someone along = you pay and it certainly doesn't stem from because others have been seen paying for you. What a load of old shite. And someone on the spectrum is unlikely to make up this confusing set of non rules that no one has ever heard of.

Jobbieshitkakaboudin · 07/04/2018 22:17

Unreasonable you are right.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 07/04/2018 22:35

Wel, blue hasn't been back to confirm or justify the post, and MNHQ have deleted...

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/04/2018 23:57

I'm glad PartyFriend is on board with this, and has been reading the thread but I totally agree that you should NOT send this post to the rest of the group. It's almost never a good plan, and quite frequently will backfire spectacularly.

Schadenfreude's plan is evil genius, but it rather depends on whether you want this to continue, or to die a quiet death - if the former, then go for it, but if the latter then I don't think it would be right to wind her up.

What really gets me though is that she KNEW about you losing your purse and paypalling people who lent you the money to go places - she KNEW!!! And she STILL claims you were free-loading - that's just plain fucking lying bitchiness, that is. She is no friend of yours. So after all this, I would definitely step away from her because she is not there to be your friend. My son would call her your "frenemy" and he'd be right - although less of the friend and more of the enemy now!

I hope you're feeling better about this yourself, Unreasonable because really, none of this is down to you. It's down to Softzilla trying to make trouble for you. I'm so glad your other friends have seen through it. Thanks