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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not paying even though I 'invited '?

986 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 09:10

Background:
For my dds birthday last year we invited some friends to soft play at a pub. I played entry for all the kids (and some siblings that came unexpectedly too). We brought a cake and everyone had a piece as well as juice to drink, if they wanted anything else they had to buy it (tea/coffee etc). As it came to dinner time I told them we were staying for dinner and people were welcome to join us. A couple did and we then paid for their meals (they didn't seem to expect this).
I have met up with one of the mum/ child that came and stayed for the meal at the same soft play since. She'd messaged asking to meet, I said me and another friend were planning to go to soft play and have lunch there if she wanted to join. We all arrived at different times so paid our own entry (she was last, text me when outside that she was here so when she got in I looked up and waved but didn't go over) and at food time we all ordered separately. She seemed a little quiet but had said she was tired cos her lo was waking up alot. We have met up since, but not at soft play, and all seemed fine.

So, yesterday the same happened again. She called asking if I wanted to meet up over the holiday. I said we were meeting a friend at soft play today if she wanted to join but we could meet some other time if she didn't fancy it. She said she'd join but then made a joke 'I suppose you're going to treat me like last time though'. When i queried what she meant she said that she was cross last time that I didn't pay for her entry or food. I was surprised and said that we don't normally pay for each other when we go out. She said that normally if invited you'd expect the host to pay and reminded me that I had done it before for dds birthday. I said I felt that was different and that this is not an invite in the same way, if she didn't want to come then I was happy to meet some other time elsewhere but I couldn't afford to pay for her every time we meet. She put the phone down on me.
Since then she has blocked me on fb, WhatsApp etc and been in touch with the other friend, trying to change the plans so they go to a different soft play together today but without me. She's said she will pay for that woman and child as 'that's how it's done between friends '. The friend has said to her that she's not leaving me out and that she would never expect to be paid for but that she is still welcome to join us at the originally planned place, or we can meet elsewhere another time if she doesn't fancy it. She's said she will think about whether she can face it and let her know.

Was I wrong? It's not the way I've ever done it with meet ups unless it's been a special occasion. I'm a sahm and meet up with people in similar ways all the time. If I had to pay for other people every time I'd not be able to do it at all!

OP posts:
SarBear34 · 05/04/2018 20:13

She sounds like a tosser. I’d also message saying can you stop bloody calling, it’s very clear I’m ignoring you! Now piss off!

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 05/04/2018 20:17

She's now left a further 6 missed calls on my phone since the message went out....

OP posts:
Thistlebelle · 05/04/2018 20:20

Due to recent confusion

Ouch

Well she only has herself to blame, she could have handled it very differently.

I hope she behaves reasonably at the party.

Tistheseason17 · 05/04/2018 20:21

🤣🤣🤣 she's desperate to have a go st you!
I'm loving that everyone is backing you, OP.

She's totally batsh1t crazeeee!

Motoko · 05/04/2018 20:21

Blimey, she's desperate to talk to you!

fuzzyfozzy · 05/04/2018 20:21

But can't be bothered leaving a message?
I really cba with that

UniqueAsAUnicorn · 05/04/2018 20:22

Oh no she didn't.

Returnofthesmileybar · 05/04/2018 20:22

6 more missed calls, I wonder if she is panicking that she is being outted as the lunatic she is?

Motoko · 05/04/2018 20:24

Oh no she didn't.

Didn't do what?

WishingOnABar · 05/04/2018 20:25

You should just block her, it sends a clear message that you arent playing her weird manipulative game.

FifiVoldemortsChavvyCousin · 05/04/2018 20:25

Don’t take the call. She will twist your words.

Dear Cuntpuffin,
I have seen your six missed calls. Please leave me a voicemail or text.
Me

Kissthealderman · 05/04/2018 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TruJay · 05/04/2018 20:27

Answer, put it on speaker phone and record the silly sod! No doubt what she has to say will be even more crackers Confused

Thebluedog · 05/04/2018 20:30

6 Shock

Goodasgoldilox · 05/04/2018 20:30

I'd block the number.

...Or answer it on speakerphone when you have a group of the friends with you.

She wants to talk to you alone - so that she can bully you. Texts or messages could be shown to someone else. In company you have others around to support you.

Kissthealderman · 05/04/2018 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Returnofthesmileybar · 05/04/2018 20:37

Ooohhh yes answer and record, very good idea!!

Strawberry2017 · 05/04/2018 20:38

I find myself constantly checking this for updates!
She is unbelievable but I'm so impressed with how you are handling it!

CoffeeOrSleep · 05/04/2018 20:41

Ignore the MNers after extra drama!

Just ignore the calls.

Gemini69 · 05/04/2018 20:42

I never have my voicemail turned on.. I loathe voicemail Grin

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 05/04/2018 20:42

Will I see if she messages on a group in WhatsApp even tho she's blocked me?

OP posts:
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 05/04/2018 20:44

I wouldn't be impressed with me. I've had a cry over it a couple times since my dd went to bed.

OP posts:
Mum2oneStepmum2two · 05/04/2018 20:44

Yes - record everything from now on between you and her otherwise she can make stuff up or twist what you actually say. Or keep it as texts. We bought a tiny special hidden video and audio recording device that looks like glasses so whenever we do handovers or have to have conversations with the cf nutty ex wife of my husband, we record everything. And we also print off every text and email conversation (or nutty abuse she sends every week). She has said a few times that he has hit her and called the police - my husband has the whole thing recorded and the police have laughed when they can hear my husband stating date and time just before he rings the doorbell and the kids say “what Daddy?” Coz they must wonder why every time he rings the doorbell he says the date and time lol!
Anyway, I digress... record everything. Glad to know we aren’t dealing with the only nutcase in the world!!!!!

Mum2oneStepmum2two · 05/04/2018 20:46

Please don’t cry. She doesn’t deserve your tears. You really haven’t done a single thing wrong and all your mutual friends can clearly see it. She’s rung you 6 times because SHE is panicking, so let her panic and not sleep tonight. Don’t you do the panicking or not sleeping. Sending you love x

IStillMissBlockbuster · 05/04/2018 20:46

You poor thing. I'd be dead upset about it too. She's created quite the drama, what a twat she is.