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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not paying even though I 'invited '?

986 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 09:10

Background:
For my dds birthday last year we invited some friends to soft play at a pub. I played entry for all the kids (and some siblings that came unexpectedly too). We brought a cake and everyone had a piece as well as juice to drink, if they wanted anything else they had to buy it (tea/coffee etc). As it came to dinner time I told them we were staying for dinner and people were welcome to join us. A couple did and we then paid for their meals (they didn't seem to expect this).
I have met up with one of the mum/ child that came and stayed for the meal at the same soft play since. She'd messaged asking to meet, I said me and another friend were planning to go to soft play and have lunch there if she wanted to join. We all arrived at different times so paid our own entry (she was last, text me when outside that she was here so when she got in I looked up and waved but didn't go over) and at food time we all ordered separately. She seemed a little quiet but had said she was tired cos her lo was waking up alot. We have met up since, but not at soft play, and all seemed fine.

So, yesterday the same happened again. She called asking if I wanted to meet up over the holiday. I said we were meeting a friend at soft play today if she wanted to join but we could meet some other time if she didn't fancy it. She said she'd join but then made a joke 'I suppose you're going to treat me like last time though'. When i queried what she meant she said that she was cross last time that I didn't pay for her entry or food. I was surprised and said that we don't normally pay for each other when we go out. She said that normally if invited you'd expect the host to pay and reminded me that I had done it before for dds birthday. I said I felt that was different and that this is not an invite in the same way, if she didn't want to come then I was happy to meet some other time elsewhere but I couldn't afford to pay for her every time we meet. She put the phone down on me.
Since then she has blocked me on fb, WhatsApp etc and been in touch with the other friend, trying to change the plans so they go to a different soft play together today but without me. She's said she will pay for that woman and child as 'that's how it's done between friends '. The friend has said to her that she's not leaving me out and that she would never expect to be paid for but that she is still welcome to join us at the originally planned place, or we can meet elsewhere another time if she doesn't fancy it. She's said she will think about whether she can face it and let her know.

Was I wrong? It's not the way I've ever done it with meet ups unless it's been a special occasion. I'm a sahm and meet up with people in similar ways all the time. If I had to pay for other people every time I'd not be able to do it at all!

OP posts:
HouseworkIsASin10 · 05/04/2018 12:34

She is cream crackers!!

Don't be alone in her company again. Sounds like she makes shit up.

Stay in a group where you have witnesses.

Don't pander to her nonsense.

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 05/04/2018 12:48

Oh I'll be at the meet up. I may not like confrontation and be a bit of a pushover but I also have a stubborn streak. I'll not be pushed out.

OP posts:
3asAbird · 05/04/2018 12:51

Is the next meetup the party?

Seriously block her from your phone and whats app. You dont want to speak to her ir get sent any more threatening messages.

Gemini69 · 05/04/2018 12:54

I'll come to the MEET UP !!! we'll all come darn it Grin

LexieLulu · 05/04/2018 12:59

Oh my god your "friend" is shocking! You've done nothing wrong op

Knittedfairies · 05/04/2018 13:02

I hope someone points out to her that a party at soft play is different to a casual get-together.

TheShaniaTwainExperience · 05/04/2018 13:14

Keep screenshots of her mad texts in case it kicks off and she tries to deny what she’s done

IStillMissBlockbuster · 05/04/2018 13:25

It sounds like she has form for this so maybe others will know what's going on?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/04/2018 13:26

that's a Threat right there .....

I agree with gemini. That sounds like a threat to me, too.

emmyrose2000 · 05/04/2018 13:29

I would say to your mutual friends that "Batshit Woman keeps expecting me to pay for her when we meet up. I've no idea why she thinks or expects that as it's just not the way things are done, as everyone knows. Now she seems to be having some sort of crisis about it. I tried to smooth things over, but she growled at me amongst other things!".

If you block her on your phone does she get a notification about it, or will she think it's gone through? If it's going to come through anyway, I'd keep the messages just in case, but not respond to them. She's spoiling for a fight. Don't give it to her. Block her on everything else though.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 05/04/2018 13:38

This woman is a RL Troll. And (all together now) We don't feed the Troll!

But . . . but . . . what will I do with these?

Gemini69 · 05/04/2018 13:43

hahahaaaa Grin

Nikephorus · 05/04/2018 13:50

makes you wonder what happens if you say “do you fancy going on holiday together?”
You end up paying for every holiday - the flights, the hotel, the meals she was supposed to be paying for.... And every event at home, every meal...
Until you run out of money & then she disappears from your life.
(Yes, I was that naive people-pleasing, hadn't realised I was autistic, mug!)

Thistlebelle · 05/04/2018 13:52

Schaden GrinGrinGrin

Nike Flowers

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 05/04/2018 13:57

Pleeeeeaae tell the meet up is near me. I'll come along and scowl at everyone for not offering to pay for me!

On a serious note. I do hope it gets sorted and I'm glad you're not going to be pushed out of the group Flowers

Kissthealderman · 05/04/2018 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kissthealderman · 05/04/2018 13:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 05/04/2018 14:14

The birthday next week is a trampoline party. Similar kind of set up, the mum has organised it for the afternoon and is bringing cake. She has already said that her partner and dc will be going to the pub next door for a meal after if people want to join. She's on a lower income so I suspect shes not planning on paying for everyone's meals, plus if everyone stayed it would be a massive amount of money. She is due over now and I'm going to give her a proper heads up about it.

OP posts:
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 05/04/2018 14:16

What's the thread where the op has founded?

OP posts:
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 05/04/2018 14:16

Flounced even....

OP posts:
Eatalot · 05/04/2018 14:22

Ha some people are bonkers. I have taken friends to dinner or coffee but generally for a specific reasob such as them being stressed or birthday etc but not for this type of meet.

CannaeBeErsed · 05/04/2018 14:40

Definitely warn the mother then OP or she'll be left with the bill of CFF and her DC.
You're coming across as very polite and level headed but as some others have said, you do need to be less nice and vague about it or CFF will fill in the gaps with all manner of rubbish. She has shown that she is clearly batshit. She has herself convinced she was helping you out? By ignoring you, growling at you AND trying to get your friend to leave you on your own? She ain't right and she will certainly go further with this. The "I'm not going into details as I'm taking the high toad" type bullshit is a pre-show teaser. She is setting the scene for the big performance.

3asAbird · 05/04/2018 14:47

If party mums coming over do explain in detail,warn her and show her crazy messages.

I assume the whole freindship group be at this party.

So crazy woman
Other softplay mum stuck in middle
Other mutual freinds.

LapdanceShoeshine · 05/04/2018 14:49

High toad for Canna
🐸
😄

CannaeBeErsed · 05/04/2018 15:00

@LapdanceShoeshine Ha ha! I never noticed that! Autocorrect is funny sometimes.

Though it does sound like the CFF has been licking toads so I might not be far wrong....

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