Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not paying even though I 'invited '?

986 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 09:10

Background:
For my dds birthday last year we invited some friends to soft play at a pub. I played entry for all the kids (and some siblings that came unexpectedly too). We brought a cake and everyone had a piece as well as juice to drink, if they wanted anything else they had to buy it (tea/coffee etc). As it came to dinner time I told them we were staying for dinner and people were welcome to join us. A couple did and we then paid for their meals (they didn't seem to expect this).
I have met up with one of the mum/ child that came and stayed for the meal at the same soft play since. She'd messaged asking to meet, I said me and another friend were planning to go to soft play and have lunch there if she wanted to join. We all arrived at different times so paid our own entry (she was last, text me when outside that she was here so when she got in I looked up and waved but didn't go over) and at food time we all ordered separately. She seemed a little quiet but had said she was tired cos her lo was waking up alot. We have met up since, but not at soft play, and all seemed fine.

So, yesterday the same happened again. She called asking if I wanted to meet up over the holiday. I said we were meeting a friend at soft play today if she wanted to join but we could meet some other time if she didn't fancy it. She said she'd join but then made a joke 'I suppose you're going to treat me like last time though'. When i queried what she meant she said that she was cross last time that I didn't pay for her entry or food. I was surprised and said that we don't normally pay for each other when we go out. She said that normally if invited you'd expect the host to pay and reminded me that I had done it before for dds birthday. I said I felt that was different and that this is not an invite in the same way, if she didn't want to come then I was happy to meet some other time elsewhere but I couldn't afford to pay for her every time we meet. She put the phone down on me.
Since then she has blocked me on fb, WhatsApp etc and been in touch with the other friend, trying to change the plans so they go to a different soft play together today but without me. She's said she will pay for that woman and child as 'that's how it's done between friends '. The friend has said to her that she's not leaving me out and that she would never expect to be paid for but that she is still welcome to join us at the originally planned place, or we can meet elsewhere another time if she doesn't fancy it. She's said she will think about whether she can face it and let her know.

Was I wrong? It's not the way I've ever done it with meet ups unless it's been a special occasion. I'm a sahm and meet up with people in similar ways all the time. If I had to pay for other people every time I'd not be able to do it at all!

OP posts:
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 22:31

I've messaged the same thing to all three:
'Not sure tbh. Bit of a disagreement about me paying for (her lo) soft play before Christmas and again today with (friend's name). I've suggested we forget about it and move on but doesn't seem to be going down well. '
I'm off to bed in a min to try to forget about it for a bit. Been going round my head all night.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 04/04/2018 22:34

I'd also agree this woman is a bully and she is trying to ostracise you from your friends. That's what her on your head threat is, pay for me or I shall isolate you. She's trying to position herself as queen bee,and exert power over you.

You need to fight back. It's the only thing that works against bullies. You know that. She thinks you won't fight back, That's why she's picked you. Tell them, but do it nicely.

cherish123 · 04/04/2018 22:35

I may have misunderstood-as I skimmed but was she expecting you to pay entry and for lunch as you asked her if she wanted to go to soft play? Odd. She is mental.🙄

So if she invites you clothes shopping, she will presumably pay for all your purchases 😆.

rednsparkley · 04/04/2018 22:36

This woman sounds absolutely batshit - absolutely!!

MammaTJ · 04/04/2018 22:36

Well, somebody needs to tell them, just so they don't end up in the same situation. If it needs to be you, then so be it, they will be grateful that you have forewarned them! But it could be the friend who has offered, then she gets the glory, and it will be glory, rather than scorn!!

Up to you!

Gemini69 · 04/04/2018 22:36

no wonder your heads mince... I'm glad you've been honest with your friends....

I'd seriously block her .. Flowers

WhatCanIDoNowPlease · 04/04/2018 22:37

Get your friend to tell them. She was there so the other lady can't deny it. Your reply to them isn't strong enough I don't think.

3EyedRaven · 04/04/2018 22:38

It’s bizarre that she was normal up until this point though?!?

Bluntness100 · 04/04/2018 22:39

Cross posted but that's good. Your friends will probably ask for clarity. You need to be clearer when they do, she phoned you for a meet up, you responded she was welcome to join in with existing plans at soft play if she fancies it and she feels this means I should pay for her and her child and Is cross that we all pay for ourselves as she feels she shouldn't pay x

nursy1 · 04/04/2018 22:39

No way! If it’s just an ordinary meet up you split the bill. I suppose I might bring something I’d baked for everyone but that’s not compulsory.
Your cf friend might find she is not invited anywhere much if she is expecting every one else to pay for her.

Bluntness100 · 04/04/2018 22:40

I'd also let your friend explain, she prob will anyway, she would only be speaking factually,

MistyMinge · 04/04/2018 22:40

She's off her rocker. I wouldn't have the energy or patience for this woman. The only thing I can think is that at your previous meet up, she was under the impression you had paid for the other person you were with. Even then, it's ridiculous.

I hope she sees this thread, sees how many people think she's being a total dick, and comes to her senses.

If she carrys on like this you need to never engage with her again.

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 22:41

My friend has now had messages from them and is asking what to tell them. I've just said to try to keep it calm if she can cos I don't want it blowing back in my face if I can help it, but she can tell them as much as she likes. I have known her a long time, since before kids so I trust she'll be honest and pitch it ok.

OP posts:
LavenderDoll · 04/04/2018 22:42

That's crazy
Ignore her OP she's being totally unreasonable

Goodasgoldilox · 04/04/2018 22:43

Just explain to them that you don't completely understand

Say that she has told you that she is offended that you haven't paid for her at soft-play sessions when you have all met there informally. You are not sure why she expects to be paid for.

Do show them her puzzling texts if they are interested in any more detail. Perhaps they can work them out.

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 04/04/2018 22:44

She does not have the greatest view of mumsnet so unless she is tipped of by someone else who has seen it then I doubt she'll see the thread.

OP posts:
Returnofthesmileybar · 04/04/2018 22:46

I would tell them truth, out the lunatic, she deserves it and make no mistake she will not hesitate to turn this around on you

Thistlebelle · 04/04/2018 22:48

Goodness.

I would stop replying to her, she seems to be trying ramp things up.

It’s very strange indeed.

Kissthealderman · 04/04/2018 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeekyWombat · 04/04/2018 22:50

She’s on Nethuns isn’t she OP? You can tell us ;)

In all seriousness, sorry you’ve had a shit day with this. There’s nothing worse than that sick feeling of random confrontation in the stomach, made worse when you have no idea wtf is going on. She’s clearly batshit crazy and a drama llama to boot!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 04/04/2018 22:53

I’d tell the mutual friend with the greatest tendency to gossip.

reachforthewine · 04/04/2018 22:55

I would give her a wide berth OP.

Gemini69 · 04/04/2018 22:56

and keep every single message she has sent you ... sleep well OP

Fitzsimmons · 04/04/2018 22:57

She sounds unhinged.

tracymars · 04/04/2018 23:00

So every time I ask a friend if they want to meet for lunch I'm supposed to pay for them? That's ridiculous.

I'd better just stay home all the time and never contact friends. I can't afford it.