Evil - I know I’m not BU

[AngelL7]

I don’t know if anyone remembers my post about DD’s allergy to cats? A quick recap is DD has severe asthma & allergy to cats - her father refused to accept this at it would mean putting his new partner’s cat out, this is despite Dr stressing no contact with cats.

Fast forward from then we now have had tests done proving without a doubt that DD is severely allergic to cats (we have now been advised that it is critical DD is kept away from cats)

Yesterday DD was with her father & when they arrived at his house he put the cat out. However DD has informed me that after her father left the room his partner brought the cat back in and kept it hidden. She seemingly was unaware that DD noticed. Chillingly DD also told me she felt like it was done on purpose to hurt her. (I have always had the opinion that she resented DD because of her link to me so it doesn’t surprise me & I don’t feel it’s exaggerated)

What’s my next step here? If she’s putting my DD at risk is this something that should be reported? I’m so angry & afraid for my DD to be around her again. I don’t know if talking to ex will yield any results, other than a mouthful of abuse saying I’m jealous / lying

Can your dd take photos of the cat inside the home?
Can she also take photos of her eyes, skin etc... whenever she is at her dad and is having a reaction (because clearly she will)?

You need to document the whole thing, the best way you can .

I wouod also take your dd to the gp every single time she has any asthma attack etc... linked with cats.

Please also remember that she is likely to come back with cat’s hair in her clothes so you might want to be very careful about that too (and the risk of her reacting to it whilst back at your house)

Until things get sorted between your ex and his partner give her a dose of piriton before she goes to her Dads, does she carry an epipen?

Some people don’t take animal allergy seriously. They think it is ‘just sniffles’. My in laws are lovely but won’t vacuum up for me - I can only handle short bursts there that still make me ill for a couple of days

For a child this is unacceptable. She can’t go there while a cat lives there. Not the cats fault but...

If the woman puts the cat before a child’s welfare, your daughter isn’t safe there.
Get a written note from your doctor and get back to court.
Your ex and cat woman deserve each other.
Your daughter does not deserve any of them.

I have a friend who is allergic to cats who can't come into my home, even if we put our cats out: he can't be in a room where cats have lived.

I'm not sure your ex putting the cat outside is enough, OP. Not if your daughter is severely allergic to cats. Doesn't she react just from being in the house?

Your ex is an arsehole to live with a woman with a cat. His child comes first. Poor kid.

Surely putting the cat out doesn't make a difference if the cat's been all over the rooms.

Seems like the logical answer is that she can't be in that house. I wouldn't be getting rid of or putting my cat outside - the cat doesn't deserve that!

lol wouldn't be putting your cat out because the cat doesn't deserve it?

get a fucking grip, this is a child's LIFE

Wrenika- but the child deserves to never be able to enter her fathers home? get a bloody grip

Why not go and see your GP and explain this situation to them and ask what they advise you to do in those circumstances. I'm sure a doctor won't want any child's health put at risk. And they could perhaps write a letter to the courts explaining your DD's health issues.

DS2 is allergic to cats but he only when he touches them and then touches his face. Being in the same room doesn't affect him.

It isn't clear to me if your DD had any reaction apart from being surprised and upset she brought the cat back.

If it is as serious as that then obviously he needs to get rid of the cat, because the hairs will linger if it is only just put outside for the odd occasion. If not, then you can show him proof from your doctor that it is a real thing, and if he won't get rid of the cat then your child won't be able to go there. What if it was a peanut allergy, seriously would he expect to still keep peanuts in the house??

I had an asthma attack brought on by cat allergy.

This is not an exaggeration...I believed I was going to die.

Your poor DD.

So surely her dad would notice if she has a reaction? I don't understand, he just lets her stay there with severe allergy? What does he do when she gets a reaction? Doesn't he believe the test results or doesn't care?

Stop contact then stating your DD isn't safe if her reactions are so bad, with the official test results then surely you have the proof of how poorly the cat will make DD?

I would say though, that if you think the SM is jealous/resentful towards your daughter now, wait until she has to give up her cat!

Not a nice thing to do at all. But, I'm not sure that putting the cat out would make much difference - the cats fur will be everywhere in the home. I had a friend who was allergic to cat's and the minute she walked into my house she would sneeze and her eyes would start itching. It didn't matter if the cat was in or not.

If she has a very severe allergy then I think you may have to think again about your daughter even going into this house.

Did your DD have any reaction when there? What did she do if she did?

Though TBH, if my DH told me it was his DC or the cats, I would be asking him to move out!

For context, I am also allergic to cats, and asthmatic and a stepmum. I tick all the boxes here.

If the cat triggers her asthma she just can't stay there as long as the cat continues to live there.

Pus in the eyes would not be due to a cat allergy though - itchy watery eyes suggest allergy, pus suggests infection.

Document every sign of reaction.

Go back to court, your dd’s life is at risk, this is way too serious to let slide. What the fuck is wrong with your ex that he allows and colludes in this?!

WTAF is wrong with her dad???!
I would break the court order and if you’re pulled into court explain why.
I love cats (I have 2 myself) but a CHILD’S health and well-being would come before any pet in my home.
The peanut allergy analogy a PP mentioned hits the nail on the head. Just because a cat is cute and a loving pet doesn’t make it any less dangerous to your DD

I'm v allergic to cats, although nothing life threatening (provided I have an inhaler!). There is no way putting the cat out would be sufficient. And no way a decent parent would even think about putting a child through the discomfort I suffer, never mind the much more serious effects on your DD. He sounds like a dick

He has had a copy of results forwarded on to him. Antihistimes don’t work any more (whether it is immunity or the allergy is too severe)

Yes when DD is gasping / wheezing / eyes oozing he tries to make out I’m exaggerating or that he can’t see / hear it. I’m tempted to say it’s stupidity but it’s trying to cover it up. Even when ambulance had to come out he was trying to make out DD had a chest infection & not an allergy (nearly had DD put on a course of antibiotics she didn’t need) 🤦🏼‍♀️ Of course When she less taken out of the house the symptoms eased dramatically

She was only there for a few minutes today but you could see it in the eyes & chest wheezing but I’ve got it under control now

How old is your dd? Is she old enough to refuse to go to his?

@gide what age can they give the say so themselves ? Is it 8?