to stay at home to be with my older dog while husband is on holiday with kids?

[Stopfeckinexaggerating]

Backstory - We have 3 dogs, 9, 4 and 10 months all German Shepherds. Roughly 3 years ago the oldest and the 4 year old started to fight and couldn't be together so they have been living separately ever since. Every once in a while we put them together but they still fight.

We have a touring caravan which we go away in a couple of times a year. The dogs go in the awning. As the dogs still fight we have to leave the oldest at home and someone comes to look after him. (He is easy to look after, doesn't need much walking, prefers to be in the garden etc.)

My AIBU is am I wrong to want to stay at home for a few days to be with him while dh takes the kids away? He is a large dog so we may have only a couple of years left with him. He is older than my children and is my absolute world.

As pp have said though, it's not so much the 3 days as the ongoing situation that's the concern here.

I disagree.

I don't think this old dog is cared for very well at all, and certainly does not sound like the OPs " absolute world"

He had been a solo dog.

A new puppy was brought into the home ( dog number two).

When that dog reached adulthood ( 12 months) fighting started between the two dogs.- I imagine that the aggression would have started before that- but was brushed off as " puppy play" or at least not tackled and dealt with effectively.

At this point the OP should have taken action- consulted a vet, a behavourist, castration, or even rehoming the new dog if the situation could not be resolved.

But no, she let the situation drag on for several years,, the dogs still having the odd fight and having to live apart- but presumably in the same house.
This is a stressful situation for bot dogs. Having an aggressive situation, the two dogs will be able to smell and hear each other.
This is stressful in itself, never mind having fights.

So not only did the OP fail to deal with the situation, she allowed it to drag on for a couple of years, making a miserable life for the two animals.

So then bingo- the bright idea of getting a third dog- Genius!!!

OP you have failed these dogs, especially your oldest dog many times now.

You don't sound ;like an animal lover to me, otherwise you would take action to ensure that your animals can live in a peaceful environment.

we tried to rehome the 4 year old when the fighting first started.

He is older than my children and is my absolute world.

So you get a new puppy- there is fighting and it's the older dog " your absolute world" that you try to give the heave to?

I did this, my neighbours still to this day think I am a bit nuts.

My dog was just a puppy and ex had booked (without asking first) a long weekend away. Pup and I had been going to puppy classes for about 2 months, and this particular Saturday that would have clashed, was the last puppy class. So we had been to every single one, so I didn't want to miss it. It was his graduation after all (puppy owners will understand). So I told ex to take the kids and I stayed home with puppy. Didn't regret it at all. They had a nice time, and so did I to be honest.

Just the fighting part would make me very on edge though. Surely this is a bit dangerous, GS are strong dogs after all. Just a thought, you could put your older dog in kennelling if you really wanted to go along. IF you would rather just stay home, I understand that too.

Speakout

I disagree.

I don't think this old dog is cared for very well at all, and certainly does not sound like the OPs " absolute world"

He had been a solo dog.

A new puppy was brought into the home ( dog number two).

When that dog reached adulthood ( 12 months) fighting started between the two dogs.- I imagine that the aggression would have started before that- but was brushed off as " puppy play" or at least not tackled and dealt with effectively.

At this point the OP should have taken action- consulted a vet, a behavourist, castration, or even rehoming the new dog if the situation could not be resolved.

But no, she let the situation drag on for several years,, the dogs still having the odd fight and having to live apart- but presumably in the same house.
This is a stressful situation for bot dogs. Having an aggressive situation, the two dogs will be able to smell and hear each other.
This is stressful in itself, never mind having fights.

So not only did the OP fail to deal with the situation, she allowed it to drag on for a couple of years, making a miserable life for the two animals.

So then bingo- the bright idea of getting a third dog- Genius!!!

OP you have failed these dogs, especially your oldest dog many times now.

You don't sound ;like an animal lover to me, otherwise you would take action to ensure that your animals can live in a peaceful environment.

(Not sure how to make the above bold)

Let me clarify almost all of the points made on your post above Speakout.

1. We originally had 2 dogs before the puppy joined us 4 years ago. Both kids started school so we went to a very well known rescue to get the puppy as I would be at home. (Pre working full time)

2. All 3 dogs got on exceptionally well for the first year. The puppy came into maturity and the fighting started. We got the older boy neutered followed by the puppy a few months later. (Didn't help)

3. Both dogs had obviously been vet checked pre neutering. I then saw 2 behaviourists, both of whom recommended rehoming the puppy. I originally spoke to the rescue we got the pup from who put him on the waiting list to return. I then spoke to someone who used to work there who very adamantly said don't return him to the rescue. So we didn't. Spoke to other rescues who put him on there waiting list.

4. The dogs that fight haven't seen each other apart from when we try them together. They live in separate parts of the house.

5. We lost our female last year to cancer, the pup shared the same part of the house with her and was getting depressed hence getting the new puppy.

6. Anything I have missed Speakout?

OP the situation sounds dysfunctional.

Okay speakout.

Stopfeckinexaggerating if your world is so functional and rosy and your set up with your dogs brilliant why did you even start this thread?

You seem to think you know more about the OP's life than she does herself, speakout. I'm sure she knows more about her dogs and their life than you...

The OP posted looking for opinions.

I am giving mine.

I think the set-up works. I used to work as a trainer for a rescue and would often bring home dogs who didn't mesh well with my own dog.

As long as everyone is careful to close doors and keep the dogs apart, it should be fine. We had the hallway as a buffer zone. You had to close one door before opening the other, so there was never a chance of the dogs meeting unless I was working with another trainer in a controlled situation. If one dog was in the hallway, the other door would remain closed.

I do agree with others though, you need a behaviourist. It's rare that these situations can't be resolved. Although, with a puppy and a nine year old large breed, even if they got on well, I'd stick with seperate sleeping areas and ensure the older dog had a safe space to escape to.

If the kids are fine with it, go for it.

I love my dogs very much but there is no way I would do this.

Maybe the OP wants to "make memories" (puke) with her dog?

I don't see anything wrong with it at all. Posters saying the children will feel rejected and other such rubbish are just being stupid. Just maybe the children will learn that dogs are for life and, as such, a big big commitment.

The children are going on holiday with their dad which I am sure will be great fun. There will be other holidays with mum and dad. It's not like the dog is likely to live another 10 years is it?

I actually admire someone who doesn't just neglect their pet once children come along (unlike so many)

I used to work as a trainer for a rescue and would often bring home dogs who didn't mesh well with my own dog.

But presumably these were exceptional and short term solutions?

I have owned a number of dogs.

Dogs as you know are pack animals. They are happiest when they can live in close proximity to their family.
That's why familes and dogs mix and work so well.

Having to keep animals separate for fear of violence, isolating them and having to be vigilant of areas and door closing is very far from ideal.

Frequency - you were doing the absolute best for all the dogs in your care in challenging circumstances.
But I suspect even you can agree that the OPs situation is not great for the dogs- even without considering the humans.

I actually admire someone who doesn't just neglect their pet once children come along (unlike so many)

Yes, an owne rwho was considering rehoming their existing 4 year old dog to make the new dog's life easier.

That shows real loyalty.

I would do it to assess dogs in a home situation prior to foster or adoption by a family and/or to work out minor behaviour kinks that presented once in a home situation. One stayed for ten months as he was unlucky and bounced back from two homes for spurious reasons. He's actually the reason I left rescue work. I couldn't bear another dog being sent back because the owners bought a new car and the dog no longer fitted in the boot etc.

I had my own child, so obviously there was more to it than just bringing home dogs from the rescue kennel but each dog would spend a minimum of a month with me so they could settle in and show any issues they had.

OP hasn't stated either of the dog groups are left alone for long periods of time. I know when I did it, I split my time between two rooms, rather than one dog spending eight hours a day alone. As long as OP is doing the same and the lone dog isn't locked away all day with no company, I don't see that it is less damaging than rehoming would be. To rehome any dog is stressful for them, even dogs who go immediately into foster suffer emotional distress and confusion after being parted from the family they bonded with. Adult German Shepards aren't the easiest dog to rehome.

Obviously, if the dog is left alone for large chunks of time, I'd feel differently but since OP hasn't said this is the case, I am assuming all dogs are cared for and given appropriate attention.

Yes, an owne rwho was considering rehoming their existing 4 year old dog to make the new dog's life easier

You're really labouring this point but I think you have it wrong Speakout. The OP is using the current ages of the dogs to refer to them. The OP said that they tried to rehome 'the 4 year old' when the two dogs started fighting. As in, the second dog who is currently 4 years old, not the older dog. If the original dog is 9 now he must have been 5 when they got the now 4 year old and would have been 6 when it was a year old and the fighting started. When the original dog was 4 the second dog hadn't been born yet.

YANBU, a dog is part of the family and you'll have plenty more holidays. Spend the time with your old boy

Frequency it sounds as if you did an amazing job.

And as I suggested- it was short term and in exceptional circumstances.

Two dogs who have a violent relationship will be affected by sharing a home on a permanent basis and is a less than ideal situation.

Even if kept apart, - and the resulting limitations on the cohesion of family life for everyone- the dogs will be able to smell and hear each other. Feeding areas, the garden etc will all have the other dog's smell.
A dog kept like this will feel in a constant state of readiness, feel a constant threat.

It's not good for either dog.

And dysfunctional.

speakout, I think the OP said it was not possible to rehome one of the dogs (don't have time to re-read thread but am fairly sure she said that).

Rescue centres and specific breed rescue are overflowing with dogs. Lots of them will never find a home so whilst having to keep the dogs apart is not ideal it's better than living in a rescue for the rest of their lives or being put to sleep.

I think you are absolutely as mad as a box of frogs for prioritising a pet over your children! 😳 and I say that as someone who has previously owned a dog!

He is older than my children and is my absolute world

This is what makes it really weird though. One of your dogs is your "absolute world"? Not your children, your partner, your family, even your other dogs, but this one dog is your whole world?

Creepy and weird.

Two dogs who have a violent relationship will be affected by sharing a home on a permanent basis and is a less than ideal situation

That depends on the severity of the violence. As OP says she sometimes tries them together, I'd assume the situation was one where they're guarding resources (resources can include family members and general space) from each other or one is more active and winds the other up as opposed to full on red mist breakdowns the second they see each other.

If it was a red mist situation, I'd agree, living together would be unhealthy for both dogs.

If someone told me her family was going away for a holiday and She was staying home to spend time with her dog, I would think she wasn't all there tbh

@VetOnCall is correct I think about which dog was to be rehomed. The older dog wasn't being turfed out for the puppy at all.