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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stay at home to be with my older dog while husband is on holiday with kids?

110 replies

Stopfeckinexaggerating · 03/04/2018 17:03

Backstory - We have 3 dogs, 9, 4 and 10 months all German Shepherds. Roughly 3 years ago the oldest and the 4 year old started to fight and couldn't be together so they have been living separately ever since. Every once in a while we put them together but they still fight.

We have a touring caravan which we go away in a couple of times a year. The dogs go in the awning. As the dogs still fight we have to leave the oldest at home and someone comes to look after him. (He is easy to look after, doesn't need much walking, prefers to be in the garden etc.)

My AIBU is am I wrong to want to stay at home for a few days to be with him while dh takes the kids away? He is a large dog so we may have only a couple of years left with him. He is older than my children and is my absolute world.

OP posts:
lazyarse123 · 04/04/2018 17:29

I cannot believe the number of pp trying to guilt the op into going. She is not abandoning her kids never to see them again. She spends time with them every day including weekends. Some parents who work full time don't see their kids as much especially dads. Enjoy your time with your dog op.

wurlie · 04/04/2018 17:33

I cannot believe anybody would choose their dog over their children. I hope it doesn't screw them up too much Sad

phoenix1973 · 04/04/2018 17:38

It tells the kids the dog is more important.

RavenLG · 04/04/2018 17:47

I love dogs, and they are obviously part of your family. But are you doing the right thing by keeping all 3 when they don't get on? You say that they live separately but what kind of life do they have when one is constantly separated from the family? Or even if you rotate them, they will be able to smell the other which will drive them absolutely bonkers. Sorry, I think you need to reassess the living situation.
With regards to the holiday, you do what you need to do. Personally I'd put in kennels if it was the only family holiday and I was missing out.

sonjadog · 04/04/2018 17:51

I think it is a good idea. Your husband and kids get some time alone together, and you get some time doing your own thing with your dog.

sonjadog · 04/04/2018 17:53

Also, it is only a few days. Children are not going to be screwed up because their mother chose to put the dog in front of them for a few days. In fact, it might show them that they are not always the no.1 most important thing ever in life - an important lesson to learn.

lazyarse123 · 04/04/2018 17:55

The op is putting herself before the children for 3 days. It's a good thing for them to learn.

Original poster
Stopfeckinexaggerating · 04/04/2018 17:59

Ravenlg- we tried to rehome the 4 year old when the fighting first started. I called at least 10 rescues to see if they had space, none did. I spoke to a behaviourist who advised to rehome one. I have tried rescue centres several times since but still no room. There is no way I would advertise them on gumtree or preloved etc, who knows where they would end up. The situation is what it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stopfeckinexaggerating · 04/04/2018 18:00

Phoenix1973 - why does it?

OP posts:
MorningsEleven · 04/04/2018 18:21

I home school one of mine and the idea of three days at home just with the dog sounds like bliss. We could go for walks to the allotments and come home via the pub or we could sit under a blanket on the sofa in complete silence, gently farting at each other.

Halfpastfreckle · 04/04/2018 18:28

OP you seem very set in your decision repeatedly justifying it etc. Not sure what you want from the responses to the post? Or why you’ve posted?

BastardGoDarkly · 04/04/2018 18:30

Apologies op.... but. lyn you came on the sweary thread to tell us some of the bad luck we were sharing, was 'what you get when you use bad words' including one of us struggling with her ADHD ADD sons diagnosis. ... I just want to tell you that was fucking heartless and rude. We swear on this site, if you don't like it, piss off.

Again op, I apologise.

I don't think YABU BTW Wink

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 04/04/2018 19:01

OP, have a break with your lovely boy, whilst you still can. 🌸

soundslikeballons · 04/04/2018 19:15

Sometimes those breaks are what we need from each other, from family life from the children from routine– I wouldn't say it was for the dog personally I'd just say it was for me!!

As an owner of 3 dogs I split ours up for breaks, just took my boys and two dogs away for a 4 day break left my husband home.

It was lovely..

callmeadoctor · 04/04/2018 19:45

Put the 4 year old dog in kennels, sorted!

WiddlinDiddling · 04/04/2018 20:29

YANBU - also good lesson to teach the kids that pets have needs and need taking care of!

DextroDependant · 04/04/2018 20:50

OP YANBU jeez anyone would think you were planning to put the kids in kennels to spend time with the dog. They are going on holiday with their dad! What's wrong with that.

My DS goes on holiday for a week with his dad every 6 weeks (his dad lives hundreds of miles from us by the beach). I also have a job and a dog.

Onlyoldontheoutside · 05/04/2018 03:00

I think the kids would love some time with just their dad.I used to,my DD did when she was younger.They do different things than when mum is around.

boobah23 · 05/04/2018 03:45

If you and your family are happy to do it then what's the problem?

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/04/2018 04:05

It’s not a long holiday, is it? You say a few days, that sounds more like a short break. If you want a break and time to spend with the dog, I think that’s fine. I also think the suggestion of putting the 4 yo in kennels for this holiday/future ones is a good idea.

Greyhorses · 05/04/2018 06:54

I have two (very much loved) GSD and honestly think you are mad to live like this in the first place.

It must be so stressful to you and the dogs living under a ticking time bomb. Why have you added a third into the mix?! Shock

I would rehome the aggressor through german Shepherd rescue (who would leave the dog with you until a home was found) then get take all the remaining dogs on holiday. Life is too short to deal with stuff like this and I say that as very much a dog lover!

Cambionome · 05/04/2018 07:16

You describe your dog as "your world" rather than your dh or dc? Confused

Do you not see how weird this sounds?

speakout · 05/04/2018 07:18

Op you should be sorting out the dogs as a priority.

Having three dogs unable to interact without aggression is unfair on the dogs, stressful for them and your family.

Why on earth did you bring in a puppy when you are unable to handle the dogs you have?

You don't sound like a very responsible dog owner.

Someone who loves dogs would not allow them to live under this tension.

orangesmartieseggs · 05/04/2018 07:24

If the older two don't get along, why on earth did you think it was a good idea to add a puppy to the mix as well?!

InternetSchminternet · 05/04/2018 07:29

YADNBU, my mum did the same for our lovely old dog whose health was declining. Was much nicer for her to be with her mum than be left with a stranger and we all understood as we loved her too!

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