Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stay at home to be with my older dog while husband is on holiday with kids?

110 replies

Stopfeckinexaggerating · 03/04/2018 17:03

Backstory - We have 3 dogs, 9, 4 and 10 months all German Shepherds. Roughly 3 years ago the oldest and the 4 year old started to fight and couldn't be together so they have been living separately ever since. Every once in a while we put them together but they still fight.

We have a touring caravan which we go away in a couple of times a year. The dogs go in the awning. As the dogs still fight we have to leave the oldest at home and someone comes to look after him. (He is easy to look after, doesn't need much walking, prefers to be in the garden etc.)

My AIBU is am I wrong to want to stay at home for a few days to be with him while dh takes the kids away? He is a large dog so we may have only a couple of years left with him. He is older than my children and is my absolute world.

OP posts:
VetOnCall · 03/04/2018 17:16

YANBU, as long as your DH is happy to take the kids and other dogs by himself. It's only a few days and not like you're saying you want to stay at home every time or it'll be your only trip this year given that you own the caravan.

Alternatively could you leave the 4yo dog at home and take the older one away with you? Or does the 4yo have issues that make it harder to get a dogsitter? I know how you feel about your older boy though, I'm the same with mine.

Original poster
Stopfeckinexaggerating · 03/04/2018 17:21

Husband is more than happy for me to stay at home, I'm with the kids more than he is so works out well.

We have a 78 year old man looking after my older dog, I couldn't ask him to look after the 4 year old. 😜

OP posts:
ChickenMom · 03/04/2018 17:25

I think you are BU. You’d miss holiday time and making memories with your kids to stay home with the dog? I think that’s strange personally. Holiday times with kids when they are little are precious. Family time. If you’ve got somebody you trust to watch the dog then surely that’s fine. You see your dog everyday but you don’t get to go on holiday with your families everyday. Who knows what’s round the corner. A friend of mine with young kiddies lost her husband recently. She’d give anything to have the chance for a family holiday. My opinion (as you’ve asked) is that it is unreasonable and I’m thinking you secretly know that or you wouldn’t be asking on the internet

nogrip · 03/04/2018 17:32

What do your kids think that you'd prefer to spend time with a dog rather than them?

mumeeee · 03/04/2018 17:38

Sorry I think YABU. Family holidays are important family time.
How old are your children?

BitOutOfPractice · 03/04/2018 17:42

Leaving aside that your kids might be unhappy that you'd prefer to be with the dog than them, wonder how it makes your DH feel to know that your dog is "your world"?

I know you say that you may not have many years with the dog but your kids won't want to go caravanning with you forever either you know!

Chattymummyhere · 03/04/2018 17:42

I wouldn’t miss a holiday with my children to sit with my dog. I think the children would be pretty upset tbh

OutsideContextProblem · 03/04/2018 17:48

When I clicked I was expecting this to be about a dog who was about to die. I think for a basically healthy 9 year old YABU. Are you planning not to go on holiday with your family for the next 2-5 years?

Chocachoo · 03/04/2018 17:49

But surely you're at home with the dog whenever you aren't on holiday? I think it'd be strange to miss precious quality family time to sit at home with your dog.

bluebeck · 03/04/2018 17:49

Oh OP, don't listen to the posters who think your whole world should be your DC and you should never spend a night away from them.

It's perfectly normal to have other interests and to wave DC off with their other parent to have a lovely holiday without you. Don't any of you ever go away with friends, with just DP, on your own?

I hope you have a lovely time with your old boy Easter Smile

turtletime · 03/04/2018 17:51

I think a couple of days won't do any harm, especially as you do these breaks fairly regularly. I just lost my GSD (also my world) so I'm definitely biased.

Quietlife1979 · 03/04/2018 17:51

Eh? This is bonkers. Are you sure you don’t just want a break from the kids and bloke ?

bluebeck · 03/04/2018 17:52

Quietlife shhhhh! Grin

Flyingpompom · 03/04/2018 17:54

You would rather be with a dog than your family? If you said the dog was dying I might understand.

I hope you never expect your kids to want to spend time with you!

Ummmmgogo · 03/04/2018 17:55

very odd behaviour but if you and your family are happy crack on.

Flyingpompom · 03/04/2018 17:55

Bluebeck, yes, I'd love to holiday with just DH, or with my friends. But not with a dog.

espoleta · 03/04/2018 17:56

I would totally do this for my dog.

WandaWitch · 03/04/2018 17:56

I think YNBU! DH and I alternate going away with DC due to dogs as they are not all able to go in kennels. Certainly would not leave a 10 year old GS behind without one of us.

DC get time on their own with DH this time and maybe you take them next time?

It’s what you commit to when you have dogs. If they cannot go in kennels, due to age/illness etc. and no family to stay with them, or illness age too complex for someone else to care for them you stay home. It’s what you commit to when you have dogs.

lazyarse123 · 03/04/2018 17:59

I don't have a dog but if your husband is happy I would definitely do it. A bit of peace and quiet is a bonus. Can I just say I fucking detest the term "making memories" it's called living.

Original poster
Stopfeckinexaggerating · 03/04/2018 18:02

Thank you for all of your replies. 💐

I work full time (term time and school hours) and also have a part time job that I do 3 evenings a week. I'm with my kids before school, do the school run before and after and am with them until they go to bed. (They are 8 and 7).

We have no family nearby so I don't really get a break unless I walk the dogs when dh gets home. Dh knows the way I feel about my old boy and understands hence me staying at home for a few days. I'm going on holiday tomorrow to them, I will have 11 days with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stopfeckinexaggerating · 03/04/2018 18:04

Wandawitch and Lazyarse, thank you. 💐💐

OP posts:
Original poster
Stopfeckinexaggerating · 03/04/2018 18:07

Bluebeck - Thank you, you have said what I was trying to say. 💐

OP posts:
bluebeck · 03/04/2018 18:08

I suspect this thread will divide opinion between those who accept that a dog is part of the family and those who don't understand or feel this.

No right or wrong, but to me my dog is family and I love the bones of him. He has kept me sane and been a brilliant support system through ill health and other trauma.

I love my DC but I know they would understand if I was making the choice OP is making, as she says her DC will understand too. It's just a couple of days!!! Flowers

lynmilne65 · 03/04/2018 18:11

can I say STOP SWEARING

Arapaima · 03/04/2018 18:12

I wouldn't do this personally, but I can't see anything wrong with it as DH doesn't mind.

Could you maybe stay with the dog for a day or two and then join the rest of the family late?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.