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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stay at home to be with my older dog while husband is on holiday with kids?

110 replies

Stopfeckinexaggerating · 03/04/2018 17:03

Backstory - We have 3 dogs, 9, 4 and 10 months all German Shepherds. Roughly 3 years ago the oldest and the 4 year old started to fight and couldn't be together so they have been living separately ever since. Every once in a while we put them together but they still fight.

We have a touring caravan which we go away in a couple of times a year. The dogs go in the awning. As the dogs still fight we have to leave the oldest at home and someone comes to look after him. (He is easy to look after, doesn't need much walking, prefers to be in the garden etc.)

My AIBU is am I wrong to want to stay at home for a few days to be with him while dh takes the kids away? He is a large dog so we may have only a couple of years left with him. He is older than my children and is my absolute world.

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 03/04/2018 18:15

YANBU - fighting dogs in a small space is dangerous for everyone - especially large, powerful dogs like GSDs, and a dog is a big responsibility to ask anyone to care for.

Are your dogs bitches? They can be funny with each other (I've been through it). But either sex, as the "top" dog gets older, the next one may try to take over the boss role - this is particularly true if both dogs are the same sex, even they are neutered.

You may find that you enjoy this "easy" time with only yourself and one dog to look after. Your family will certainly learn how much you do for them (if they don't already know), and you will all be thrilled to see each other at the end of the week. The kids will be thrilled to tell you everything they've been doing (and I'll bet they've bought you a present).

You could even make a "Welcome Home" banner for their arrival.

One thing - it may increase the rivalry between the two older dogs, so be careful how you reintroduce them to each other.

Enjoy your squabble-free week!

DavidBowiesNumber1 · 03/04/2018 18:18

lynmilne65

can I say STOP SWEARING

You just fucking well did! Grin

Original poster
Stopfeckinexaggerating · 03/04/2018 18:18

Lynnemill - who is swearing?

OP posts:
ZERF · 03/04/2018 18:25

I'd stay if Dh is happy plus it's a little break for you. Which is good. No harm in kids seeing you do this.

In a way I also think it's useful for your children to see how you act for an old dog.

I was in awe of my mother who carried our young dog for miles with something in its foot to try to find a vet while on holiday in wales once. Took over the whole day and some of the next but it sent me a valuable message.

Unfortunately as Dh didn't have any pets at all (we had billions of all sorts) he doesn't get that kind of mentality, or what you need to understand regarding responsibility when taking on pets and in a way possibly isn't as empathetic as I know he might be. Also is ridiculously impractical when it comes to animals and kids

A compromise could be that you stay at home for half the holiday and then join them for the end.

cate16 · 03/04/2018 18:36

I want to swear at 'making memories' Grin

Anyway can't children make those 'memories' on a fantastic trip away with dad or would that be the wrong sort of memories...

ZERF · 03/04/2018 18:39

I think that's my point. Memories can be about how people do things differently eg caring for an old dog. Daddy only holiday.

Dh often takes ds away to his parents for a weekend (3-4 hours away), it has helped their relationship hugely as ds was/ is very mummy centric.

OutsideContextProblem · 03/04/2018 18:41

As a one off I’d understand it, but there doesn’t seem to be anything about this holiday that won’t apply for the rest of the dog’s life. (By which time the four year old will be an old dog and the cycle can repeat). Holidays as an entire family unit together are particularly precious.

KarmaStar · 03/04/2018 18:45

Your dog,your family,your holiday op,if you are all happy I don't see the problem at all.
You will get some peace and quiet and to spend one to one with your lovely gsd.
Have a lovely time 🐕

NutElla5x · 03/04/2018 18:52

I think it's lovely that you love your dog so much.Your husband is happy to go without you,he gets to look after and spend quality time with the kids and you get a little break.I can't see the problem.

Original poster
Stopfeckinexaggerating · 03/04/2018 19:34

Outsidecontext - the only reason the older dog is left at home is because of the fighting. If that wasn't a problem all 3 dogs would go with us.

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 03/04/2018 19:57

I was expecting you to say you are a sahm not someone working 1.5 full time jobs. You barely see you kids as it is yet you still would rather stay home with the dog. If I was your child I couldn't help but feel rejected.
You can't help the fact you have to work so much, we all do what we can to get by, but let the kids think you're a bit interested in them ffs.

BifsWif · 03/04/2018 20:05

My dog is most definitely family. He is my third child and I love him more than I could put in to words.

He has got me through some very sad and lonely times, but I would never put time with him above quality time with my children. YABU, especially given the hours you work.

ZERF · 03/04/2018 20:05

We had two that fought; I do remember how hard it was. And stressful for them too at times.

OutsideContextProblem · 03/04/2018 20:29

But you’re still going to be in this situation for the life of your oldest dog? Are you going to have a family holiday before your children start secondary school?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 03/04/2018 21:55

ZERF

Same here . The problem was compounded because there was a huge size difference.

The aggressor was a westie - she frequently attacked her "sister" who was a particularly large staffie. The staffie would take just smooch before snapping in retaliation, but was such a powerful girl we didn't dare risk letting her put the other little bugger in her place.

For seven long, hard years, we kept them apart in the same house - walked separately, slept separately, didn't dare leave them in the same room.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 03/04/2018 21:56
  • so much - not smooched
SchadenfreudePersonified · 03/04/2018 21:58

But you’re still going to be in this situation for the life of your oldest dog? Are you going to have a family holiday before your children start secondary school?

The oldest dog is 9. GSDs aren't a particularly long-lived breed. Probably another three years or so.

It's really difficult with dogs in these situations - you love them both, and can't bear to part with either, but physically and emotionally it's bloody hard work.

Idontdowindows · 03/04/2018 21:59

The kids get a brill daddy holiday :) Mine did that too, they still talk about it, 30 years on. They went together, I stayed at home.

Daddy did it differently and that was special, more exciting too.

Nomorechickens · 03/04/2018 22:02

I don't blame you for wanting a few quiet days with the dog instead of a family holiday!
In the long-term, would you consider consulting a good dog behaviourist to see if you can sort out the two dogs?

theveryhighlife · 03/04/2018 22:07

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all, especially if you go away together frequently. Enjoy your time with your lovely dog and having some time to yourself. It's okay to do things separately from the rest of your family, the children are still being loved and cared for. Don't let people make you feel guilty!

NorthernKnickers · 03/04/2018 22:12

Absolutely not BU...wave them off with a smile and stay at home with your boy. I would. I'm 🙄 at 'making memories' too 🤮 What a crock of (not swearing, promise 👍) donkey dung 😊

Are we not 'making vomit inducing memories' sitting at home on the sofa in our pyjamas with the dog eating ice-cream? On whose say so? For my life 😩

mehhh · 03/04/2018 22:17

If kids and dp happy why not?!

littleteethies · 03/04/2018 22:27

I totally understand you OP. I have a GSD and both me and DP love him to the moon and back. So much so we go away separately because we aren’t completely comfortable leaving him with anyone else. Yes it’s hard work and probably slightly bonkers to some, but we made a commitment the day we brought a little bundle of fluff home and the joy he brings us goes above and beyond any sacrifices we have to make.
Enjoy your times with your lovely boy OP.

Justanamechange · 04/04/2018 03:46

In your shoes, I would find a different homestay for your younger dog, take your older dog and enjoy a wonderful family holiday with him. The younger dog will cope just fine, and he can have holidays for years to come. Prioritise your old boy AND your family holidays for now.

worstwitch18 · 04/04/2018 03:57

So let me get this right, you would spend a few days (3 days?) with the dog and then join the family for 11 days. In that case I would say yes, fine. Also gives you a chance to just be by yourself and breathe before you join the family.

If you stay home with the dog for the whole holiday I would say YABU.

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