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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m not, am I?

145 replies

MaiaRindell · 01/04/2018 22:09

I’m taking my two DDs (8 and 11) to Orlando on Friday. ExDH has booked a last minute trip to Disneyland Paris tomorrow. He hasn’t told me this

OP posts:
Shadow666 · 01/04/2018 22:27

Just ignore him. Don’t engage. If he doesn’t pay the child support that’s a different issue and you need to pursue that but don’t get caught up in an argument with him.

BrutusMcDogface · 01/04/2018 22:27

Maia he sounds like an absolute wankbadger. Angry Just say you're really sorry but you have nothing you can pack for them, and can't they just take the clothes that are at his house?

Just out of interest, has he or have you got a new partner?

NotTakenUsername · 01/04/2018 22:28

Could you struggle to find the passports if he struggles to transfer the money that is due today...?

NotTakenUsername · 01/04/2018 22:29

(Terrible idea, but a nice fantasy!!)

NotASingleDamnBiroInTheHouse · 01/04/2018 22:29

Ooh Nottaken, that’s good.

BrutusMcDogface · 01/04/2018 22:29

It's petty, NotTaken, but it's a bloody brilliant idea! Grin

Original poster
MaiaRindell · 01/04/2018 22:30

BrutusMcDogface I don’t. No idea if he does.
I have said I will pack some underwear, PJs and leggings, but that it is the last time. I’m furious. I’m only doing it because the DDs might suffer otherwise.

OP posts:
NotASingleDamnBiroInTheHouse · 01/04/2018 22:30

Evil, but good.

ZoeWashburne · 01/04/2018 22:31

I’m so sorry you are having to do this. Just text “their suitcases are being used. You have plenty of clothes at your house and a suitcase you kept from last time. Why can’t you pack that?”

Ditto PP- if he is this petty are you sure he wouldn’t ‘miss the train’ just to ruin your holiday?

RandomMess · 01/04/2018 22:31

Please hand them over in a carrier bag Grin

Original poster
MaiaRindell · 01/04/2018 22:32

Love it - but he would phone up and cancel them which would skunner Florida.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 01/04/2018 22:32

I'd be cautious about his handling of their passports too.. just to spite you OP Flowers

melj1213 · 01/04/2018 22:32

OP YANBU

I share custody of my DD 50/50 with her dad and she has stuff at both of our houses so she never has to pack when she goes to her dad's or when she comes to my house.

If her dad was going to take her on holiday I would expect him to pack things she already has at his house. If he did ask me for things for her holiday I would expect it to be for one off/expensive items she already owns but doesn't keep at his house and that wouldnt be worth buying just for one trip - e.g. if they were going skiing I would have no issue sending her ski gear to her dad's as it would be expensive for him to buy new stuff and she already has perfectly good ski gear at my house from our ski holidays - but my ex does not have a history of losing/not returning things.

Original poster
MaiaRindell · 01/04/2018 22:33

randommess i’m Looking out the worst carrier bag I can find.

OP posts:
Whatiwishfor · 01/04/2018 22:33

No way. My stbxh "looses things" (keeps things). I now pack nothing and begrudgingly dont even allow the children to take toys to his. They are still very young so carnt really hold them accountable. His responsibility and maybe if he was made to pay for their clothes etc he would take better care of them! Im sure he wouldnt loose items that he had actually paid for!

NotTakenUsername · 01/04/2018 22:34

At least you never have to waste any headspace wondering if you made the right decision getting rid of him. Silver linings! ☁️

LotsToThinkOf · 01/04/2018 22:37

So, with his spiteful threats in mind, do you trust him to bring their passports back to you?

Original poster
MaiaRindell · 01/04/2018 22:38

NotTakenUsername Exactly! The only problem is, five years on, that I have forgotten how he is and assume he will behave like a 48 year old and not a huffy, entitled teenager.
He has just texted to say sorry for over reacting - but still wants me to pack!

OP posts:
UpOver · 01/04/2018 22:46

I would just pack as well as you can. I know you shouldn’t have to and it obvious that your ex is a git but I wouldnt want to risk causing problems for your girls. Surely at 8 and 11 then can take some responsibility for their own belongings. I’d have also thought your girls would want to be able to chose what to take.

fuzzywuzzy · 01/04/2018 22:47

Apply to CMS for child maintenance so he has no control over whether he pays it or not.

I’d just not respond to his messages.

Yanbu he sounds like an utter wanker.

NotTakenUsername · 01/04/2018 22:47

Please don’t pack. Offer to pack only if he transfers extra money (along with the money that is due) so you can buy new cases tomorrow.
It is totally unreasonable for you to be expected to receive cases full of dirty clothes, then empty and repack them for a long haul trip in such a short time frame.
Then he can keep the original cases as his own for future trips.

Onecutefox · 01/04/2018 22:48

Will he take warm jackets for the DDs? Men can be sometimes so selfish/lazy (well, he is selfish) and say things like, oh, they didn't want to wear one or it wasn't cold when if fact it was cold. Remember that on the continent it still can be very cold at the beginning of April. I would think of the daughters for now.

YettaTessieMarmelstein · 01/04/2018 23:06

Wankbadger! Perhaps the best term ever, and definitely one to sum up your selfish ExDH, OP.

NellythePink · 01/04/2018 23:09

Outrageous behaviour, I would like to echo PP and watch him like a hawk with those passports, maybe even going to the length of meeting them at the airport so he has no choice but to hand them over there and then.

Also, I know literally nothing about child support, but there must be some way that you can take the payments out of his control? Utter dickhead

NotTakenUsername · 02/04/2018 07:26

How did it finish up op? They will have left by now.

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