Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kilts, ianbu am I?

119 replies

sailorcherries · 31/03/2018 22:39

So another wedding post, I'm sorry.

Long story short - we're Scottish, OH has swithered about wearing a kilt or a suit. His dad is adamant that he will wear a kilt even if OH wanted them in suits and my dad is happy to go with OHs wishes (despite prefering a suit but would wear a kilt happily).

Tonight it transpired that OHs dad will only wear a specific jacket, despite OH wanting a different one, and a bow tie despite OH wanting a cravat. His dad won't budge and he is trying to force OH in to his way of thinking. Also, it seems like they believe that every male in OHs family should wear the same tartan and colours as the groom and groomsmen.
This does not extend to my dad or family, they can deal with themselves apparently.

Now traditionally everyone wore their own family tartan and there was no matchy matchy; anyone matched it was the groom and groomsmen, no one else. I think OHs family's idea is fucking ridiculous. FIL went on and on in this manner for over half an hour, becoming so unbearable I actually left the room. He was so bloody cheeky about it being the grooms family only, so stubborn and antagonistic about his views that I genuinely started to dislike him at that moment.

Wibu to tell OH and his family that they can do whatever the fuck they want and look as ridiculous as they want and completely wipe my hands of it and allow OH to do all the planning?

OP posts:
LampShadeHeid · 31/03/2018 22:45

Let them wear whatever they want. I dealt with a similar issue in my first wedding with FIL causing a huge fuss about outfits and it was stress I didn’t need. In the end he did what he wanted, and ended up being complete arse for the whole day.
End of the day, it doesn’t matter. No one will remember what guests wore what, you’ll only have the pictures to remind you. I’d let OH deal with it though, wash your hands and worry about the bigger wedding things.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 31/03/2018 22:47

My only issue is that we only have family coming to the day time and at this rate half of the males will be in the exact same outfit.
It's fucking ridiculous!

I wanted to go abroad and losing our deposits is becoming more and more appealing.

OP posts:
nooka · 31/03/2018 22:47

I don't know why anyone except for bridesmaids (and not necessarily even them) should be wearing matching clothes at all. Is the FIL trying to make all the men on OH's side of the family including OH wear the FIL's favoured style of clothing? That does seem very strange. I've only seen matching handkerchiefs, ties or cummerbunds at weddings, and then only for the wedding party, so groom and best man, maybe ushers. Colours to match bridesmaids dresses. I could understand matching if everyone is hiring suits but otherwise don't the guys usually wear their own suits/ kilts?

bridgetreilly · 31/03/2018 22:48

I'm not sure I really understand. Parents of bride and groom usually wear whatever they want, don't they? It's not like the bridesmaids or even the best man/ushers. You and OH decide what OH will wear. Everyone else wears whatever they want.

Katedotness1963 · 31/03/2018 22:49

Your husband is an adult, he can wear what he wants, especially when it's an expensive outfit.

Passportto · 31/03/2018 22:49

I don't get any of the thing about the bride couple choosing what the wedding party wears. Bridesmaids maybe but everyone else can wear what they like AFAIC

Original poster
sailorcherries · 31/03/2018 22:51

The issue is that once we decide what OH and the BM will wear, FIL and OHs uncles etc will then hire the same fucking kilt.

They are going out of their way to hire the same bloody thing with FIL trying to push OH and BM (his younger brother) in to wearing FILs favoured jacket too.

OP posts:
AlpacaLypse · 31/03/2018 22:51

OP I'm with you in thinking buggering off abroad and doing the marriage there is looking very appealing indeed, sod the deposit.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 31/03/2018 22:52

We aren't choosing. BM (OHs brother is happy to wear the same as OH) and my dad said he would if we wanted (I've told him to wear what he wants).

FIL is then going out of his way to hire the same outfit for all of OHs male relatives!

I don't want everyone matching. It's ridiculous.

OP posts:
Doubletrouble99 · 31/03/2018 22:53

Oh dear, That's not good. Presume this is your wedding so FIL seems to be being a bit ridiculous. Quite often the groom, best man, and ushers will wear the same or very similar only because they are probably brothers or in the same family so would have the same tartan. I presume you are not in Scotland as we wouldn't have bow ties or cravats with kilts and would usually only wear a tie. Would only wear a bow tie with a kilt as evening dress but certainly not a cravat.

AgentProvocateur · 31/03/2018 22:54

Most of the weddings I've been at recently have had the whole bridal perry in the same tartan, including the dads.

AgentProvocateur · 31/03/2018 22:55

DYAC - bridal party!

Original poster
sailorcherries · 31/03/2018 22:55

We are Scottish. My dad tends to wear the ghillie shirt and may well still, but may also invest in a new suit (his choice, I'm happy with either).

The whole bow tie thing is stupid as fuck and OH is considering a cravat because he wore one to his uncles wedding (they had 16 men in the exact same kilt outfit, despite only 2 being in the bridal party!).

They aren't even wearing a family tartan!

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 31/03/2018 22:58

Why doesn't your husband to be contact his male relatives, tell them that his father is acting against your and his express wishes and that whatever his father rents for the males, you and he want them to wear either their own tartans or a suit, but definitely NOT the same as the groom and the groomsmen.

MrsJayy · 31/03/2018 22:58

You need to breathe say the wedding party is wearing x and you can wear wtf you want I would tell nobody what the kilts or suits are like. Btw i love the word swithered 😀

Original poster
sailorcherries · 31/03/2018 23:00

Idontdowindows he might but the whole thing is annoying me to the point where OH can do what he wants about the kilt - his family will, and can, look like tits if they want.

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 31/03/2018 23:02

Grin Sailorcherries

Just a shame your FIL is an arsehole :(

PeerieBreeks · 31/03/2018 23:02

If your oh's dad will only wear a certain jacket and tie, that's great. Let him.

Let him think that your oh has come round to agreeing.

Oh and the groomsmen can then do what they want.

AlpacaLypse · 31/03/2018 23:04

DEFINITELY elope off to Vegas. Your FIL can later make as big a tit of himself at the party in a few months time to celebrate the wedding you had off in foreign parts as he likes.

JessieMcJessie · 31/03/2018 23:05

Your FIL to be sounds like an arse and your fiancé sounds a bit wet if I’m honest. Have you told him that you think it would spoil the day if they all matched? Either he disagrees with you and you have to either suck it up or work out a compromise, or he agrees with you and it’s up to him to talk some sense into his father.

They’re not wanting those horrendous billowing white shirts with tam o’shanter hats I hope? (I am Scottish)

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 31/03/2018 23:06

Do you not all have your own family tartan? If so is it not weird to wear someone else's? Sorry Im not Scottish but I'm quite fascinated.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 31/03/2018 23:10

Jessie OH has already told FIL only OH and BM will match: FIL has disagreed and then had the aforementioned 'conversation'.

OH is far from wet and doesn't care that FIL will get annoyed. BM, on the other hand, is OHs younger brother and will end up telling FIL after constant badgering (he is a bit wet).

OP posts:
JessieMcJessie · 31/03/2018 23:13

abery tartan is all a bit Bolivia but, essentially, it goes by your surname so yes, men in the same family with the same surname will wear the same tartan (though some tartans have different varieties eg a dress version and a hunting version so could be the same tartan but different). Also, not all names have an exact tartan that corresponds to them so for example there is no tartan if my surname but I can choose Gunn or McKay as my family name is associated with both of those clans.

So in OP’s OH’s family there may be men who have different surnames to his Dad eg his Mum’s Dad or his brothers in law. They’d have different tartans.

On top of this there are tartans related to sports and clubs and all sorts of things eg an SNP tartan and a Rangers tartan or regimental tartans. Or just certain ones that are popular because they look pretty.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 31/03/2018 23:14

Avery every traditionally Scottish family surname (clan) has it's own tartan, with multiple variations.
At events there could, and should, be a real mix of tartans and colours as a result of people choosing the different representation of the same tartan or different surnames.

OH wants himself and BM in a generic tartan (not related to a clan) as he hates hia family one. Then all other men should wear their family tartan or another generic one. FIL wants all of OHs relatives in the same generic tartan as OH, not their own family colours.

OP posts:
dinosaurkisses · 31/03/2018 23:14

Have you got a wedding website, or gave you been sending any details to the guests by email?

You could send a message/ email to the family guests saying you've been asked about the dress code and you and DH are clarifying that there's no obligation for anyone to wear a kilt, so there's no need for anyone to pay for a rental if they don't have their own?

I know the fellas in my family would 100% rather wear a suit they already owned rather than looking like a cock because the groom's dad has a matchy-matchy kilt fetish.