Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kilts, ianbu am I?

119 replies

sailorcherries · 31/03/2018 22:39

So another wedding post, I'm sorry.

Long story short - we're Scottish, OH has swithered about wearing a kilt or a suit. His dad is adamant that he will wear a kilt even if OH wanted them in suits and my dad is happy to go with OHs wishes (despite prefering a suit but would wear a kilt happily).

Tonight it transpired that OHs dad will only wear a specific jacket, despite OH wanting a different one, and a bow tie despite OH wanting a cravat. His dad won't budge and he is trying to force OH in to his way of thinking. Also, it seems like they believe that every male in OHs family should wear the same tartan and colours as the groom and groomsmen.
This does not extend to my dad or family, they can deal with themselves apparently.

Now traditionally everyone wore their own family tartan and there was no matchy matchy; anyone matched it was the groom and groomsmen, no one else. I think OHs family's idea is fucking ridiculous. FIL went on and on in this manner for over half an hour, becoming so unbearable I actually left the room. He was so bloody cheeky about it being the grooms family only, so stubborn and antagonistic about his views that I genuinely started to dislike him at that moment.

Wibu to tell OH and his family that they can do whatever the fuck they want and look as ridiculous as they want and completely wipe my hands of it and allow OH to do all the planning?

OP posts:
2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 01/04/2018 10:16

What is this uniform thing with men in general? I never get matchy matchy. You see it in golf clubs , every where.

FinallyARainbow · 01/04/2018 10:24

We had DH, BM, both dads and the 2 ushers in the same tartan (generic, DH doesn't have a clan one and mine is ugly) and then DH had a different tie. We didn't have overly formal posed photos so I doubt it's that noticeable and then all our friends just wore whatever tartan they own or hired so there was still a big mix.

Would you have many photos of everyone together? Just trying to think if it's something that whilst annoying you at the moment would turn out ok as there'd be no evidence of it IYSWIM?

For any other wedding DH just wears his own kilt (generic but different to his wedding one) so you might have enough people not matching to break it up a bit anyway.

Lucked · 01/04/2018 10:38

Are these other members of OHs family adults, why would they go against the express wishes of the groom?

You OH should message them all telling them not to hire X tartan as it is for the wedding party.

Inertia · 01/04/2018 10:39

I’d do what Deathstare suggested, and send out your own message saying that there is absolutely no requirement for everyone to wear matching kilts and you would prefer everyone to wear their own choice of kilt/suit.

The idea of getting the hire company to fit with a fake tartan is a good one- your fiancé and his brother could try a few on , get the fit right, and then you and your fiancé could go back later to order the pattern. You’d need to explain the situation to the hire company though, so that they are primed to give a response that no specific tartan has been chosen for the wedding.

Yesiamhappy · 01/04/2018 10:44

Tell them you have decides the wedding party will be in X tartan - then don’t let anyone know until the day that OH & BM are in Y tartan

My father has bought a shoulder sash / broach to wear to my cousins wedding 😬 - I don’t know what it is with old people and kilts but they get more and more eccentric....

Hope your wedding goes well 🥂

Oddcat · 01/04/2018 10:51

I love a man in a kilt

VileyRose · 01/04/2018 10:54

Getting Married next week. Oh making a lily he made himself and going barefoot with a white jumper LOL. Honestly I've let everyone choose what they want. None of us match but I don't care at all.

VileyRose · 01/04/2018 10:55

My OH made his. It's been fairly easy.

dotdotdotmustdash · 01/04/2018 11:00

Does anyone really need this stress? I would elope, seriously.

wowfudge · 01/04/2018 11:02

We were at a Scottish wedding recently and all the Scottish men were in their own tartan - I noticed the different jackets, etc and thought it was really nice.

Waddlelikeapenguin · 01/04/2018 11:08

Wrt toddler ask around; someone will have a wee kilt to borrow or they turn up on ebay charity shops etc

Original poster
sailorcherries · 01/04/2018 11:12

dotdot I would elope but I want my family there (they have, touch wood, been remarkably fine so far). I don't want to miss out on having those memories because PIL are trying to take charge.

OP posts:
WaxOnFeckOff · 01/04/2018 12:30

Thinking about it again. Id definitely do secret tartan but give details of one with similar colours to pil family so they don't match but don't clash either. Let your DS1 wear the same as groom and bm and I would do a kilt for toddler but no jacket and a waistcoat instead of just a plain shirt not ghillie shirt.

That way your photos should still look nice and if pil want a photo with all the men from their side in their matching kilts then they can do that seperately.

Perihelion · 01/04/2018 13:28

I don't really see the problem with matching kilts. DH's extended family have a tradition of being given a kilt on their 21st birthday. So at BIL's wedding as well the groom and his dad, there were at least 10 other matching kilts. Maybe it helps that the tartan isn't garish, but I thought it looked fab.
How would you have felt if they already owned their matching kilts?

LockedOutOfMN · 01/04/2018 13:31

I love a man in a kilt

I was going to post the same thing, Oddcat !

BrownTurkey · 01/04/2018 13:44

Take your fil aside and have a woman to man chat.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 01/04/2018 14:18

Perihelion if they had been given a family tartan so be it, but this is at least three separate surnames (OHs, his mother's maiden name side and his father's married sisters side) all hiring the one generic tartan. It's not quite the same.

I love a man in a kilt. I do not love pipe band lookalikes.

OP posts:
lazyleo · 01/04/2018 14:33

It's your & your DF's wedding. You get to chose what you want people to be in. Especially if you are paying.

When we got married my husband bought his own kilt, he doesn't have a family tartan as such and chose a 'generic' one. The one he happened to like tied in nicely with the colour of my bridemaid's dresses. And we used it in our wedding stationery and favours as well.

We had the entire male wedding party in the same tartan - that extended to ten males - but we paid for the hire of the outfits and the buttonholes to go with them. If they are paying then they get to chose, if you are paying you chose in my opinion.

Ultimately your FIL can butt out. Not his wedding.

SecondaryConfusion · 01/04/2018 14:54

This has wound me up just reading it - what right does FIL have to dictate how you have your wedding? You will look back on photos forever more with annoyance that every male on DP side was dressed the same.

Can you say to DP and FIL that you want your boys to feel part of the new family together, so you want the boys, your DF and your FIL to be matching with DP and best man BUT NO-ONE ELSE. You know it was their tradition but it is your wedding and you want it this way. If all the men in DPs side are catchy, your boys will feel left out compared to your DP. If the boys match all the men on DPs side, then your family member are left out.

It's such a shame that FILs attitude would stop you having the wedding you want. This one has sensitivities as there is a step-child involved, so you have to change tradition to ensure that your two DC feel included in BOTH sets of the family.

Also say that you really dislike the photos where all the men on one side are matching, why would FIL want you to have a wedding that you don;t want? Why do your feelings not matter? Actually keep asking him that - why don't your feelings and wants matter to FIL, does he not want to welcome you into his family?

ConstantReminder · 01/04/2018 19:06

Can’t your in laws choose the dress version of the tartan eg Stewart or Dress Stewart (or whichever your groomsmen are not wearing?)

Hard to fathom why they are imposing their wishes over yours. Surely your husband can kick the attitude in to touch.

BertrandRussell · 01/04/2018 20:01

It is all a bit odd- but don't the men usually match at a wedding anyway- one morning coat looks very much like another.

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/04/2018 20:16

I've never been at a wedding in Scotland with morning coats. I'm sure there must be some but generally if they want to go formal then it's kilts, if a bit less formal then it's normal suits.

ConciseandNice · 01/04/2018 20:21

Wow, havent rtft yet but all men wearing the same tarted is utterly ridiculous and will look bloody awful!!! We’re Scottish and that is almost hilariously bad!!

ConciseandNice · 01/04/2018 20:21

Tartan not tarted good grief.

JessieMcJessie · 01/04/2018 21:01

Waxon my Dad wore a morning suit to get married in Scotland in 1971. My husband, brother, best man and FIL wore morning suits at our wedding in Scotland in 2014 (my husband is not Scottish and my brother hates kilts).