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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kilts, ianbu am I?

119 replies

sailorcherries · 31/03/2018 22:39

So another wedding post, I'm sorry.

Long story short - we're Scottish, OH has swithered about wearing a kilt or a suit. His dad is adamant that he will wear a kilt even if OH wanted them in suits and my dad is happy to go with OHs wishes (despite prefering a suit but would wear a kilt happily).

Tonight it transpired that OHs dad will only wear a specific jacket, despite OH wanting a different one, and a bow tie despite OH wanting a cravat. His dad won't budge and he is trying to force OH in to his way of thinking. Also, it seems like they believe that every male in OHs family should wear the same tartan and colours as the groom and groomsmen.
This does not extend to my dad or family, they can deal with themselves apparently.

Now traditionally everyone wore their own family tartan and there was no matchy matchy; anyone matched it was the groom and groomsmen, no one else. I think OHs family's idea is fucking ridiculous. FIL went on and on in this manner for over half an hour, becoming so unbearable I actually left the room. He was so bloody cheeky about it being the grooms family only, so stubborn and antagonistic about his views that I genuinely started to dislike him at that moment.

Wibu to tell OH and his family that they can do whatever the fuck they want and look as ridiculous as they want and completely wipe my hands of it and allow OH to do all the planning?

OP posts:
JessieMcJessie · 31/03/2018 23:15

Ha, that should be avery and Bollocks, not Bolivia!

OP sorry for accusing your fiancé of being wet. How horrible of his Dad to want to do something that will go against his wishes on his wedding day.

ThistleAmore · 31/03/2018 23:19

I'm Scottish.

Technically, people should wear their own family tartans, no matchy-matchy required.

A bow tie or cravat is incorrect as they constitute evening wear, ordinarily worn with half-length formal black jackets ('Prince Charlie' jackets, as they're known) and waistcoats. A day event should consist of tweed jackets with full collars and knotted ties (waistcoats optional) as the more correct option, if you're being very formal.

You could pull that line out to your FIL, if he's very concerned about being 'correct'.

Otherwise I'd say f*ck him, let him wear what he wants and crack on otherwise. :)

BertrandRussell · 31/03/2018 23:23

So your fil wants everyone to wear hunting Stewart? It's a good tartan!

But if I were you, I'd just let him get on with it. Don't get involved. Your dh should wear whatever he wants to wear-if your fil wantss him and his male relations to look like a pipe band, then let them!

Original poster
sailorcherries · 31/03/2018 23:23

dinosaur, apparently all of OHs male relatives do it (hence 16 matchy kilts at the same wedding). FIL is just pushing it.

Thistle I agree with you. OH wants a tweed or argyll jacket and despite saying cravat I think he meant tie. FIL wants everyone in a prince charlie and bow tie (knob).

OP posts:
flumpybear · 31/03/2018 23:23

Stupid idea - at my wedding even the people in the same clan didn't wear the same tartan (different colours for that clan) .... they'll all look stupid wearing the same

AlpacaLypse · 31/03/2018 23:24

As far as I can make out most of the tartans are a marketing ploy from Victorian onwards period Edinburgh and Glasgow based cloth merchants. If your FIL wants to be seriously authentic in highland dress, a rough blanket around the waist and looped over the shoulder and some warpaint would probably do the job. With a sword and some blood curdling shouts in Gaelic that would probably sort out any arguments.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 31/03/2018 23:28

Oh and the cherry on top! The reasoning for matchy matchy? The pictures!
My pictures will be fucking shit if half of the men are dressed the same.

My bridesmaids will not even be all matching given their different heights, builds, hair colour and skin tones!

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 31/03/2018 23:28

Can your OH tell FIL that he (OH) won't tell him which one he's wearing, as he doesn't want them matching. But FIL and uncles can do whatever they like?

If necessary, hire a decoy pair for himself and BM, then switch to the real ones?

The point is, saying this makes the point that he doesn't want to match - and it's up to him whether he does or not!

Katyb1310 · 31/03/2018 23:30

My DH, his dad and brother, my brother and the ushers all wore the same tartan. My dad didn't feel confident about wearing a kilt so he wore tails. My mum was worried because they wouldn't all match but it looked absolutely fine, nobody noticed, the photos were beautiful and most importantly everyone was happy and had a great day x

Notallthat · 31/03/2018 23:31

Give in and let them have the matching tartans then unfortunately on the wedding day your OH can either have an accident with his kilt requiring an (already ordered) different set for him and BM, or of course the company you hired/bought them from could get the wrong tartan and you didn't check till the day?

lottiegarbanzo · 31/03/2018 23:33

Still, he's coined a new term for himself and perhaps his brothers / cousins: 'kiltzilla'. Here come the kiltzillas!

dinosaurkisses · 31/03/2018 23:33

Oh OP 😂 I'm not even Scottish and I know that is such a faux pas!

Let FIL crack on- your DP's plan for his own outfit sounds great.

Just make sure you get the photographer to get a picture of the 16+ matching kilts in case FIL ever wants a promo pic for his pipe band.

Pikehau · 31/03/2018 23:36

YANBU Surely everyone wears their own tartan - (or if they don’t like it one they do?)

We had no matching tartan and a
Mix of bow ties , cravattes, shirts, tartan troos etc.

Is there not one tartan that dh can relate to he likes? So many variations.... some of ours are yellow and others blue and green....

Why doesn’t dh just get his own (relatednir heneric) and then choose another for bm then at least your dh will stand out? My dh has his own and bm and usher a generic one (English and yes we have them the choice of kilt or suit!)

Then tell fil a different generic one???

I am with you love the variety of tartan at a wedding - went to a few with matching bridesmaids and tartans..... didn’t look right!

SheSparkles · 31/03/2018 23:37

All the men wearing the same tartan is so naff-it just looks like a giant travelling rug!

To clarify, even if the men all have the same surname, the only ones wearing the same tartan would be brothers and potentially cousins, if mums were sisters, as you take your clam tartan from your mother’s name, not your father’s. (History says it’s because you may not know who your father is, but you definitely know you’re mother)

FIL is being an arse

Waddlelikeapenguin · 31/03/2018 23:38

(Scottish)
Only time i have seen this has been with football tartans Hmm & it looked like a (cheap) catalogue shoot.

Do you have to tell fil what tartan dhtb picks...

ThistleAmore · 31/03/2018 23:39

@lottiegarbanzo -

BRILLIANT.

Thistlebelle · 31/03/2018 23:39

At our wedding all the men wore different kilts. They all had matching plain ties though.

My DH looks best in an argyle jacket so that’s what he has (he owns his own kilt) but some of our relatives wore Charlie’s and bow ties (which look bloody silly for daytime IMO). We even had a couple of men in trews.

The photos of all the different kilts look amazing.

Your DP could tell his Dad one thing and then have a last minute change of mind...

Personally I’d get him to email
out to all the relatives saying that you are looking forward to seeing as many different kilts as possible in the wedding photos.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 31/03/2018 23:41

I don't want to tell; young and easily bullied BM will Sad

OP posts:
Pikehau · 31/03/2018 23:41

I stand corrected by dh he had a tie!!! And a tweed jacket!

Anyway your fil is just out of order.... I think you lie about the tartan and let them all turn up matching.... at least your dh will stand out.

Are you buying or hiring? Hiring of course might limit the choice of tartan.... kilts are bloody ££££

Original poster
sailorcherries · 31/03/2018 23:44

Hiring, we don't have the money to buy even one.
Hiring even the 2 kilts for OH and BM will cost more than OH buying a decent suit for himself; but it's his wedding too and he wants a kilt (and after this he better not utter one complaint about being hot or uncomfortable).

OP posts:
Pikehau · 31/03/2018 23:44

Well when you hire the bm can’t he be fitted with a “fake” and then he can’t lie he will just relate what he was trying on?

Pikehau · 31/03/2018 23:47

I think it’s important for the groom and his best man to stand out. As you say it’s his wedding too.

Def lie and I think groom and bm should be different just to add to the mix since fil seems keen that everyone else looks the same!

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/03/2018 23:49

Not even a family tartan? What a nobber.

Is he paying for the wedding in it's entirety? Why does he think he's in charge?

WaxOnFeckOff · 31/03/2018 23:52

Jeez. Groom and best man co-ordinate, everyone else does their own thing. DS2 wanted to wear a kilt to the last wedding we went to, it was fine, we hired one but the guy in the shop started to say that grey jacket very popular etc but as we didn't know what the groom was wearing we said to go for black instead. Who on earth would you want to wear what they are - it would be like all the women turning up in wedding dresses!!

If i were your DH, I'd give the info to his Dad and then change his and BM outfit to something else and then also tell all his side of the family to agree to what PIL is saying and then change their order too.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 31/03/2018 23:53

MrsTerryPratchett my parents are paying, FIL was paying for his kilt and his family will pay for their outfits (which would all be the same!) Confused

OP posts: