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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Kilts, ianbu am I?

119 replies

sailorcherries · 31/03/2018 22:39

So another wedding post, I'm sorry.

Long story short - we're Scottish, OH has swithered about wearing a kilt or a suit. His dad is adamant that he will wear a kilt even if OH wanted them in suits and my dad is happy to go with OHs wishes (despite prefering a suit but would wear a kilt happily).

Tonight it transpired that OHs dad will only wear a specific jacket, despite OH wanting a different one, and a bow tie despite OH wanting a cravat. His dad won't budge and he is trying to force OH in to his way of thinking. Also, it seems like they believe that every male in OHs family should wear the same tartan and colours as the groom and groomsmen.
This does not extend to my dad or family, they can deal with themselves apparently.

Now traditionally everyone wore their own family tartan and there was no matchy matchy; anyone matched it was the groom and groomsmen, no one else. I think OHs family's idea is fucking ridiculous. FIL went on and on in this manner for over half an hour, becoming so unbearable I actually left the room. He was so bloody cheeky about it being the grooms family only, so stubborn and antagonistic about his views that I genuinely started to dislike him at that moment.

Wibu to tell OH and his family that they can do whatever the fuck they want and look as ridiculous as they want and completely wipe my hands of it and allow OH to do all the planning?

OP posts:

JessieMcJessie · 01/04/2018 21:02

My Dad had a Top Hat as well!

Merryhobnobs · 01/04/2018 21:05

But one of the loveliest thing is seeing all the men in all the different tartans. I am Scottish and I am thankful that my N. Irosh husband likes wearing kilts. In fact he has my Dad's old one which is neither his or my Dad's family tartan.

peachgreen · 01/04/2018 21:05

Crikey. Everyone at my wedding wore their own tartan and whatever jacket they fancied (DH had a gorgeous custom-made tweed argyle, swoon) and it looked fab. But DH only had a best man (no groomsmen) and my dad is English so wore a suit. I didn't realise matchy matchy tartan was the done thing nowadays. Not sure any of my pals / family would agree to wearing someone else's tartan tbh.

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/04/2018 21:08

Yes, I said there must be Jessie, I've just never been to one/seen photos from one. Kilts seem to be the go to choice more and more for a formal wedding and even informal they go for kilts and ghillie shirts a lot. Back in the 70s/80s when my family had most weddings, it tended to be suits and not everyone even had matched suits. Kilts for everyone is a more modern thing in my family anyway.

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/04/2018 21:10

My DHs family are mainly Irish names so they go back a few generations to find a Scottish one. He wore my family tartan to one wedding as tbh it's a much nicer tartan than his "family" one. :o

Boysnme · 01/04/2018 21:28

Everyone should wear what they want surely? I’d not be impressed if DH was expected to pay to hire a kilt of a certain tartan (unless he was BM) when he has his own. At our wedding DH, BIL, FIL had the same but FIL wanted a different jacket, so he got a different jacket! Your FIL sounds bonkers to expect everyone in the family to wear the same.

SomeKnobend · 01/04/2018 22:01

Is it a marriage or a fashion show? Honestly, who gives a fuck? They're wearing a smart outfit. Some bits of the outfit will be matchy. They're not wearing PJs or mankinis. Just get over it. The bride really doesn't tell everyone what to wear, especially as the groom has made it clear he doesn't mind either. Pick your battles, who wears what for a few hours on one day, meh.

Original poster

sailorcherries · 01/04/2018 22:39

Some given that OH has around 40 family members coming, as do I, with a fairly even split of male and female at least 1/4 of our guests would be dressed the exact same.

I am not telling them what to wear, FIL is, and as some are coming from England he is actually proposing that they filter in travel and time to get measured for the exact same fucking kilt. It's absurd!

Not to mention that my DS is not OHs and the idea was to have a neutral tartan so as to have an inclusive feel. Having his entire family in one tartan (not their own, as I said there would be at least 3 or 4 different ones if they went by surname) would then complicate the neutrality of the blending families.

As it stands OH has made it very clear to MIL (FIL never came) that only the wedding party will be in the tartan he has chosen. There are a shit tonne of other generic and family tartans for others to choose from and as the one he has his heart set on is not too common (not Flower of/Spirit of/Black Watch/black or grey) it would be highly unlikely to be chosen by someone else by accident.

OP posts:

SecondaryConfusion · 01/04/2018 22:44

Glad it's been made clear to MIL, but will FIL still go ahead and do what he wants?

your OH should make it clear to his dad that you do not want all the men on that side in the same tartan, you want only OH, your DC, DB, DF and FIL in the chosen tartan.

I'd make sure the wedding guests knew too - OH could send a message out asking them to wear what they want, but he wants to keep the tartan he's chosen for the wedding party to make sure his soon to be stepson is included in the right way.

Original poster

sailorcherries · 01/04/2018 22:49

OH is going to speak to FIL again. He can either wear the wedding party tartan or do as he pleases with anyone else. There is no middle ground.
And, as a silver lining, the shop OH wants to visit to hire the kilts from doesnt do a Prince Charlie as standard; only argyll or tweed arrochar.

OP posts:

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/04/2018 22:52

It sounds like things are moving in the right direction sailor. Long may that continue :)

YettaTessieMarmelstein · 01/04/2018 23:01

I have never been to a wedding where the tartans all matched! What is the point of family tartans?!

Snowjoker · 01/04/2018 23:09

I’m picturing this...

Snowjoker · 01/04/2018 23:10

Those these lads match and look pretty good

Original poster

sailorcherries · 01/04/2018 23:13

That seems like a large wedding party though; not all the uncles and grandparents to boot!

OP posts:

Original poster

sailorcherries · 01/04/2018 23:17

I'm imagining this ....

OP posts:

VileyRose · 02/04/2018 07:17

At our wedding my OH is wearing a kilt he has made his and our 2 daughter's have one made out of his fabric. His brother is wearing a different tartan.

SomeKnobend · 02/04/2018 12:37

"Do you take this man ...in sickness and in health" "mmhmm"
"For richer, for poorer" "yep"
"In matching tartan..." "Woah woah WOAH. Unless the tartan is neutral enough to unite unrelated dh and ds, but not neutral enough to unite family of 4 surnames, I'm out".

Original poster

sailorcherries · 02/04/2018 13:09

Yes, that's exactly what it is!
It isn't about FIL going against what OH and I want at all and becoming overbearing and domineering.

The tartan is the tip of the iceberg - shall we add in the demands that OH, a grown man, must get ready a their house in case he 'needs help'; the demands that we must organise a minibus and cars for their family as a 20 minute taxi ride or organising their own is too much; demands that we must fork out hundreds for wedding cars 'for the pictures'; the demands that OH must be at their house for them to get their own pictures prior to the ceremony, insisiting the photographer leave myself and the bridesmaids to do this, and that OHs sister (a bridesmaid) get ready with them but I still pay for an additional hair and makeup artist.

Having 1/4 of my guests dressed like a fucking pipe band is the last straw as we can actually control the other things.

And, fyi, those won't be our vows

OP posts:

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