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AIBU?

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Original poster

Kilts, ianbu am I?

119 replies

sailorcherries · 31/03/2018 22:39

So another wedding post, I'm sorry.

Long story short - we're Scottish, OH has swithered about wearing a kilt or a suit. His dad is adamant that he will wear a kilt even if OH wanted them in suits and my dad is happy to go with OHs wishes (despite prefering a suit but would wear a kilt happily).

Tonight it transpired that OHs dad will only wear a specific jacket, despite OH wanting a different one, and a bow tie despite OH wanting a cravat. His dad won't budge and he is trying to force OH in to his way of thinking. Also, it seems like they believe that every male in OHs family should wear the same tartan and colours as the groom and groomsmen.
This does not extend to my dad or family, they can deal with themselves apparently.

Now traditionally everyone wore their own family tartan and there was no matchy matchy; anyone matched it was the groom and groomsmen, no one else. I think OHs family's idea is fucking ridiculous. FIL went on and on in this manner for over half an hour, becoming so unbearable I actually left the room. He was so bloody cheeky about it being the grooms family only, so stubborn and antagonistic about his views that I genuinely started to dislike him at that moment.

Wibu to tell OH and his family that they can do whatever the fuck they want and look as ridiculous as they want and completely wipe my hands of it and allow OH to do all the planning?

OP posts:
caoraich · 31/03/2018 23:57

Matchy matchy generic tartans and bow ties!? YANBU at all. FIL is a numpty.

I've only seen this once, at a wedding where the entire bride's family and most of her friends were from down south and bulk hired the same kilts. It looked ok-ish but they did look a bit like a pipe band on tour. And crucially they were different from the groom and ushers!

Can your OH not have a word with his dad? In this situation I'd go with the nuclear option of "we've decided not to go for kilts after all. just morning suits" and see what FIL's reaction is.

WaxOnFeckOff · 31/03/2018 23:57

The only time I've heard of someone matching the groom and BM was a friend of a friend. It was her 3 year old DS who was being a pageboy and the bride and groom had specified what the dads and ushers were wearing and it was all black with dark grey kilts. the Groom and BM were wearing similar but had grey socks and ties instead of black. F of F said she didn't think it was right dressing a small child completely in black. They agreed and he wore the grey bits and matched the groom and BM, I think in that scenario that was fair enough.

Pikehau · 31/03/2018 23:58

Looks like some places have a good variety of hiring tartan- maybe just look around your area and see what’s on offer?

A proper kilt shop will fit your dh and bm out and go along with the lie about what tartan when they hear fil nonsense!!

www.neilselbie.com/Highland_Dress/tartans.php

Original poster
sailorcherries · 01/04/2018 00:00

caoraich when OH was swithering between a kilt and suit FIL was still doing a prince charlie and bowtie (and probably bullying relatives in to the same) Sad

OP posts:
WaxOnFeckOff · 01/04/2018 00:02

Surely your FIL being such an expert would know that P Charlie jackets are evening wear and not wedding wear? As are bow ties...

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/04/2018 00:05

Imo it should be a crail or an arrochar jacket.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 01/04/2018 00:05

Wax you'd think so.

Honestly, I want my parents and family there but if this is anything to judge the next year by I'd rather have no one bar my two boys and two random witnesses there.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 01/04/2018 00:09

My brother wore a kilt to his wedding. The wedding party wore the same tartan and he had a plaid over his shoulder to make him a wee bit different. Most of the other male guests wore kilts but just whichever ones they already had or which ever suited them. A variety of tartans looks really nice

WaxOnFeckOff · 01/04/2018 00:09

That's a shame sailor When is the wedding? Hopefully they will all chill out and come to their senses. Would the hire shop not talk sense into him? Maybe they could ask him if he is the piper or master of ceremonies as those would be the only people wearing a prince charlie to a wedding. he wouldn't want confused for one of the staff would her....:o

Doubletrouble99 · 01/04/2018 00:10

As I said before bow tie and Prince Charlie jacket is evening wear end of and looks really naff and cheap if it's at a wedding in the day time.
My DH was BM at a wedding like this all wearing Rangers tartan and Dickie bows, there were 8 or 9 of them all the same, it was abroad and really naff. but that's what the groom wanted! And my DH is English!

Original poster
sailorcherries · 01/04/2018 00:15

Wax next year but I can't take anymore of this already!

Double he always wears a bloody bowtie and Prince Charlie with a kilt and looks ridiculous because no-one has corrected him.
It will look even worse because I'm not even wearing a proper wedding dress - either tea length or full length with no train or veil etc.

OP posts:
WaxOnFeckOff · 01/04/2018 00:20

sailor, I wore similar - it was a bridesmaids dress in tea length but made in Ivory as I really couldn't be gassed with the whole wedding dress thing. I only wore a dress at all because DH ended up wearing a kilt and he ended up wearing a kilt because his older brother was best man and it was better to hire the kilt than buy him a suit that would never be worn again. I felt it would be odd with me in trousers and DH in a skirt.... All I was interested in was the meal and party and a band :o

Amanduh · 01/04/2018 00:24

Yadnbu. That is all

Original poster
sailorcherries · 01/04/2018 00:30

Wax I actually really fancy a tea length Dorothy Perkins dress I've seen and then dying it a different colour after the wedding to wear again!

OP posts:
DeathStare · 01/04/2018 08:59

Send out a note to all guests

" Dear guests,

We have had a number of enquiries about the dress code for men so we wanted to clarify.

Please feel free to wear either a kilt or a suit - whichever you feel more comfortable in. However if you prefer to wear a suit then we would appreciate it if you would wear X jacket and tie, as is traditional for daytime events, rather than Y jacket and tie which is used for evening events.

As is traditional, we would not expect or want men to wear matching kilts, so please wear your own family or team tartan, or a tartan which you prefer.

Best wishes

Sailorcherries and Sailorcherries' OH"

If you send that out then your OH's father may well choose to ignore it, but I doubt anyone else will follow him.

Oh, and don't tell tell your best man which tartan your OH has chosen.

DeathStare · 01/04/2018 09:01

Where I said suit, I meant kilt!

Original poster
sailorcherries · 01/04/2018 09:28

Thanks everyone.

OH has now turned around and said that mon-matching tartans isn't the 'done' thing anymore and if his family wants to match then he's happy with that.

A slightly new aibu - wibu to tell OH to wear his matchy kilt with sparklers on his head, but insist that my dad and DS1 and 2 do not wear the same?
My dad only wanted to wear the same if it was wedding party colours, otherwise he'd wear his own suit/kilt. Yes the wedding party will be in a specifix and kilt but with all OHs family in the same fucking tartan I feel it loses the 'wedding party' aspect.
Also, DS1 is not OHs but DS2 is. I was happy with them in a wedding party kilt, no particular ties to one family to keep the peace (I am keeping my maiden name) but if all of OHs family are in the same tartan then it feels like the boys will look as if they are only part of that family and not have any of mine represented iykwim? Plus DS1 wanted a suit anyway and a full kilt outfit can be uncomfortable for a toddler (DS2) and OH doesn't want him in a ghillie shirt. We are also trying to keep costs down and hiring a kilt at £60 for a toddler seems ridiculous when you can buy an outfit for less (plus the dangers of ruining the hire in food and cake is giving me heart palpatations). I'm thinking more a light shirt, waist coat and chinos that can be worn again.

Wibu to have OHs family do as they please; have my family and dad come in their own kilts or suits; and then have our boys in matching outfits from next or somewhere?

OP posts:
DeltaPitch · 01/04/2018 09:34

I’m Scottish too. The weddings I’ve been to have the male wedding party in matching kilt outfits. So best man and male parents and everyone else wears whatever they want

lottiegarbanzo · 01/04/2018 09:39

I think you'd be more than reasonable and your 'toddler logic' is correct. It will look like you're marrying a football team though.

What FIL and co are doing is the male equivalent of all the bride's female relatives turning up in bridesmaid dresses, isn't it.

Craaazy and stupendously vain!

Lucked · 01/04/2018 09:52

I am a little confused do you want the same tartan for the wedding party or not?

We didn’t match them as DH and his dad had their own kilts which couldn’t be hired so yes we had families matching but the BM and ushers in their own kilts. We pulled it all together with jackets, ties and buttonholes. My DH actually ended up with a different jacket and tie to his ushers as he had a jacket custom made in a colour that looked great with his kilt and wore a white tie (silver for everyone else).

I don’t think it is usual for the FOG to be in the wedding tartan/same outfit as the ushers

With regards to the jacket DH must do as he wishes it does not matter what his dad decides.

Original poster
sailorcherries · 01/04/2018 09:57

Lucked initially the wedding party were to be in the same tartan - OH, BM, both fathers and our sons. That I could deal with.

Now FIL has insisted that his entire family have the same tartan as the wedding party, which I don't want.

OP posts:
Helspopje · 01/04/2018 10:00

Agree no matchy matchy tartan

Different jackets is fine - some people look awful in a prince charlie jacket. I've always liked Argyll and think it is much more forgiving on body shape.

Don't think I've ever seen a jacket that goes with a cravat though...

DingDongDenny · 01/04/2018 10:01

Surely the male guests won't want to go to the huge expense and hassle of hiring a kilt when they already have one of their own, or a suit they could wear instead.

I'd tell your OH that it's a bit rude to tell them what they have to wear and expect them all to shell out

museumum · 01/04/2018 10:01

You can’t ask guests to hire a specific tartan. My oh would want to wear his own kilt as a guest.
That’s like asking all the female guests to buy matching dresses. It’s insane!

Original poster
sailorcherries · 01/04/2018 10:03

Neither myself or OH are asking. It's apparently the done thing in his family and FIL was 'kindly' letting us know.

The whole point is that I don't want the same tartan.

OP posts:
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