Do you think it’s a bit odd when some people completely engross themselves with their child school, to the extent that

[LardLizard]

They even get jobs there, and all there social interactions and friends become people they know through the school other parent friends

And all they post or say they’ve been upto
Is doing things with school friends

I tend to think surely you’ve hit some other friends and also think I wouldn’t have liked that as child, there just no breathing space

Hen plus if there’s every any problems or fallouts it’s like it the end of the world to them

“I've no issue with the PTA BUT it does attract a certain type of person”

The sort of person who does stuff rather than stand round bitching saying they would rather give 20 quid at the beginning of the year than buy a cake once a month then doesn’t, even when the PTA breathes a massive sigh of relief at the thought of never baking another cake again and sets up 3 different ways of donating said 20 quid?

The sort of person who gets hassle when there’s no Christmas Disco because despite the school having around 800 parents and carers there are only 3 volunteers helpers and that’s not enough for H&S?

[waits to be told that the other 797 parents and carers obviously were at work/caring for younger children/caring for older people/volunteering for something else/had chronic illness/had social anxiety/were already booked to go out/had religious objections to discos/transport problems/needed more than 8 weeks notice/have children that don’t like discos.And that nobody has to volunteer- it’s my problem if my self esteem is so low I have to boost it by do gooding]

(Both these are real situations, by the way)

I moved 250 miles away from
My family and friends. The parents at school are my only friends here. I've also taught at the same school my eldest went to in our hometown.
It made sense in terms of childcare and travelling. Worked well for our family.

By the time my dcs went to school I'd no ed away from my home area, then back. Lost contact with most of the friends I'd made at school, didn't go to university (most didn't back then), had acquaintances rather than friends from work and was a sahm whose only other adult friends were those I met through the baby and toddler groups etc. So it seemed quite usual that I would make friends among the other parents at school. And yes, I volunteered at school - why not? I had the time and was able to do what they needed. One of the teachers there spotted a job advert for my current job (TA in a different school) and suggested I apply, even offering to write my reference. Thanks to her, I have been in my job almost 20 years. And I love it. I see many of the parents at my school are also friends outside of the school gate and really don't see it as odd.

Not denying there does sound to be issues with the parent in the OP - not least breaching confidentiality - but unfortunately it tends to read as sweeping generalisations and assumptions at times.

I work in my kids' school - only my son still there. Not volunteer. Paid staff. I didn't set out to work there but a job came up and as it was career change in a different area I applied for the interview experience but ending up getting it.

I haven't quashed kids' independence. Wouldn't have taken it if they were wary but they were fine and aside from son's initial excitement and confusion on what to call me the first time he saw me on playground duty - "It's Mu...Mrs...Mum...IT'S MRS McMUMMY!!" when he was 5 - we barely look in each other's direction. Unless I have to speak to him for behaviour like I would any other child.

Some teachers were initially wary in case I was precious about "my little angel" but when they saw I report him, name and shame him as the culprit if needs be and never play down his part in incidents they know I'm not like that and he's treated like anyone else and no one is uncomfortable.

And rather than involve self with cliques I've found working in the school a great way of avoiding them. Every year group has their clique (clique is shorthand and a little unfair as some are just genuine friendship groups) and have their meet ups but I'm an odd being and prefer not to get involved. Never have. Usually politely declined but now I have perfect excuse because I work there - two hats and all that, best not, thanks anyway, etc.

I would never divulge school stuff to other parents but it doesn't stop them trying at times. I've found I'm very popular and inundated with invites to 'wine nights' when there's a new teacher or they get a whiff of drama.

Most have twigged that I'm not good for the gossip and leave me be now.

It's a job for me, not a lifestyle. I love it but it's still just a job so don't get overly involved and I'm far from a helicopter parent.

I think it's weird to be so familiar with all aspects of somebody's else's life you can assert they don't have any other friends or interests (while presumably not being one of those friends because you clearly hold them in contempt).

I suggest you are either a stalker or more likely allowing yourself to believe social media is an accurate and complete representation of people's lives. It isn't BTW.

DamsonOnThisDress
Most people in schools are like you. I tend to find when people are paid staff then the inclination to gossip seems to reduce (probably because they have a sense of professionalism).

Lots of staff send their children to our school. I teach their children. The multiple hats thing is spot on. They've said they find it awkward knowing what's going on with child X and not letting that affect whether they want DC hanging around with them (secondary so say child A is regularly involved in antislcial behaviour but colleague's child B is lovely. They've started talking more in school and becoming friendly. Colleague said the extra info can be a bit of a curse at times but they kepp an eye from a distance)

I love being involved with my children's school. I don't have a job there but I am on the PTA and do what I can to help, for example with their garden. Not all my friends are school people but for some it could be the only place they have been able to make friends. My daughters are actually proud that I help out at school.

I work at my children's school....ain't because that's what I was qualified in before they were born and it's very convenient having the same holidays off. For what it's worth my kids don't mind me working there in fact they like it because they get to go into school rather than wait in the playground in the rain. Lol

No one should be using it as a way of gaining information to gossip about to others.if you know this is going on please tell the headteacher as these people shouldn't be gossiping about something which is confidential.

That's not always the case Miaow.

I completely see your point OP. There are those mums that are involved on everything that goes on. Help on every trip, Every visit to the pool. That know all the gossip about teachers and seem to live at school. There are a lot of people that help regularly but some seem to go overboard. But I think is like that in every social situation such b as work, church. Some people don't do things by half I am almost the opposite but don't mind because they usually are very helpful organising all the stuff that I usually don't have the time (cant be bothered to do). So I am mostly thankful

But knowing the gossip and passing on the gossip are two totally different things. And it’s incredibly shitty to tar everyone with the same brush just because they happen to be ‘mums’ because despite the protestations this is exactly what this thread is doing. Do your thing, let others do theirs.

@ SaddieHH. See your point regarding them not all being the same but we can group them as being super involved mums. Some are very good and an asset to school. Very selfless. Some others not so good. More interested in what is in for themselves or their children than helping the school. But I don't think the latter were the majority in my kids school. I also think that is worse when people are looking on and watching interactions on Facebook and making assumptions based on that. I am not very involved in my kids school but never followed the PTA mums socials interactions, arguments if any ever happen. Only check class/ school facebook groups to read info about events, homework etc. But not friends with anybody other than my RL friends on FB. And definitely wouldnt be trying to work out people's social life from what they post.